New thread time
Today is my eldest girl child's birthday, she's nine. Later, we're off to her Dad's for a little birthday tea party. We baked buns to take.

/jenpots blog, July 5th 2009.
( jenpots, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:52, archived)

It's my birthday in six days
I think this is more important
(__, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:53, archived)

How old will you be?

( jenpots, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

Twenty Two

(__, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:55, archived)

my brother will be 21 in 8 days
and I have no idea what to get him.
( jenpots, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:02, archived)

paralytic

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:05, archived)

meh
he manages just fine on his own. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't want his old sister taking him out for drinks.
( jenpots, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)

I hear those mutated hero kung-fu tortoise things are popular with children his age

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)

A harmonica.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

a machete
all boys like machetes
( spacefish bong!, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

John Barrowman facemask

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:19, archived)

half an onion with a pencil stuck through it

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:23, archived)

an alligator stuffed full of icing sugar with a roman candle up its arse

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:26, archived)

Half a dog

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:27, archived)

An old Beano with crude willies drawn on all the characters' heads

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:29, archived)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD box set and a vibrating butt plug

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:30, archived)

A pipebomb

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:30, archived)

A Terrapin
and a smaaaaaall aubergine.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:31, archived)

fuck all, the ungrateful shitcunt

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:31, archived)

A small turtle with a plastic cowboy doll on it's back

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

A blow up sex doll of Nigella Lawson

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

life-size posable Alistair Darling action figure

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

a hang gliding lesson

( spacefish bong!, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:33, archived)

A packet of beef and onion crisps.
Half eaten.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:34, archived)

An angry otter with a bandana on.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:35, archived)

A wonderwoman costume
www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/2703800/Trail/searchtext%3ECOSTUME.htm
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:35, archived)

one of your kidneys, just in case

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:36, archived)

A sad looking wind-up robot that's got one leg broken so it just walks around in circles

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:37, archived)

a link to this subthread

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:37, archived)

A jamjar with 21 wasps in.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:38, archived)

A pencil drawing you did of him which makes him look a spastic

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

a hand-knitted jumper with the word CRETIN across the front

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

A lifesize Barbie with a DIY drilled anus and vagina.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:41, archived)

Gilgamesh

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:42, archived)

Sports bra and plenty of toilet paper to put in it

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

A Nerf sniper rifle that comes in a briefcase and is pieced together and can shoot Nerf things from incredible distances.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:43, archived)

An adopted African child.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:44, archived)

A good big hard kick up the arse

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:45, archived)

A hooker for the night

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:45, archived)

A crude effigy of him made from bogies

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:46, archived)

An incestual blowjob.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:46, archived)

A selection of different pasta shapes

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

Photos of you in revealing negligé
Danger porn
(__, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

this thread is the longest-running precision display of extreme boredom I've seen in a long time

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)

@Gilgamesh
I dunno, I've seen worse
(__, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:49, archived)

I'll be 22 on tuesday.
yay
( moohalaa, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:42, archived)

Are you looking forward to your present from /talk.
It may be hang gliding lessons, but probably won't.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:45, archived)

I have to take in sweets at work
ugh
( moohalaa, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:48, archived)

you know what, I think I might have a cup of coffee now

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:54, archived)

can you make me one too, please?

( jenpots, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:55, archived)

well yes, I could
but I don't see any practical way of getting it to you before it goes cold

it's probably better all round if you make yourself a cup of coffee, no offence
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:57, archived)

hmmm, I see your point.
I shall get the girl child to make me one.

/terrible mother.
( jenpots, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:59, archived)

damn right
and if she forgets to stir it properly, pack her off to the workhouse
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:07, archived)

I'm being tempted by some £265 flights to Newark in October.
Should I? Shouldn't I?
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:56, archived)

errrr
yes?
( jenpots, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:59, archived)

I probably should.
But I've already had one holiday this year.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

life's short
go and enjoy it!
( jenpots, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)

Lol piston reference
b3ta.com/questions/tramps/post471576
(__, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 9:58, archived)

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY DRUGS?

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

I'm going to try and clear lots of old ingredients out of the cupboard later by making BROWNIES.
If this is successful I will move on to making Girl Scouts.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

'making.'

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)

Like Doctor Frankenstein made the monster.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

He touched it inappropriately?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

After digging up the graves and stitching their bits to other people's bits
the molestation was the least of their worries.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

On a related note
I always like to read "molestation" as "mole station" and imagine a bunch of moles in uniform hanging around outside a mole barracks.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

hanging around outside a mole barracks driving trains
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:39, archived)

+out with
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:32, archived)

I am REALLY FUCKING ILL :(
I feel like someone has punch my in my right side, I feel sick, I feel like I don't want to move.
( Mrs Sp@m, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:24, archived)

*affectionately punches you in the left side*

( spacefish bong!, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:28, archived)

I thought of suggesting this
but then realised that it's the sort of thing my Dad used to say whenever I complained of a pain. I don't want to be turning into my Dad just yet :o(
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:34, archived)

How do you feel about spacefish turning into your Dad?

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:34, archived)

It's too early to contemplate such a concept
as long Spacefish doesn't mind listening to Trad Jazz and being unable to drive 100 yards without taking enough emergency supplies for a road trip across Australia
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:40, archived)

better safe than sorry!!!

( spacefish bong!, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:45, archived)

oh happy birthday mini ninja too!

( Mrs Sp@m, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 10:36, archived)