my firm once sent me to london to give a course
it was entitled:

"how to say thank you and be friendly, you miserable southern twats". they couldn't grasp the concept at all.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:46, archived)

Scottish bus driver was rude to me today
for asking how much a day ticket was.
( Newington, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:48, archived)

You're lucky you weren't in London.
He'd have shot you in the face.

Seriously, I know it's not the most wonderful job in the world, but is an application requirement that every London busdriver has to a psychotically rude, unhelpful jobsworth? I've had a driver turn me away because he couldn't (or wouldn't) change a fiver. Twat.
Every so often you get one who's helpful or friendly or even just basically polite and you almost faint.
Sorry, rant over.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:53, archived)

in birmingham
it's exact change only. So if you've only got a fiver then you either get no change or don't get on.

edit: actually they probably wouldn't take a fiver, coinage only.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:56, archived)

so the rationale is:
english sterling but no change: no entry
Correct change and fucking big bomb: climb aboard
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 16:00, archived)

On most routes in London you have to buy the ticket before you get on.
Exact money only, of course.
Until a couple of years ago it was 70p for a journey within or without Zone 1, 1 quid if you entered or left Zone 1. Then they had this big advertising campaign saying 'London is now a one-fare city!', as if they were making it easier for you. Except thet just made ALL journeys 1 quid.
And now it's a quid and 20p.

I think the lesson we can learn from this is that buses are shit.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 16:00, archived)

Buses in London are phenomenally shit
The tube is much more likely to get you killed quicker.

Actually I find walking is the best way to get anywhere less than 5 miles away in London.

There's always destitutes to laugh at on your way.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 16:03, archived)

hang on...
i'm talking north of england. i can't explain those drunken fuckers.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:53, archived)

Common mistake there
Not all Southerners are Londoners.

London is not the entire south of England.

There are people in Cornwall and Dorset who are just as shit thick and inbred and prone to sheep molestation as any Northerner.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:50, archived)

'When I'm travelling down to London, I stop off at Birmingham to get used to less friendly people.'
/Mrs. Merton
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:53, archived)

Ooh, and the Isle of Wight!
*puffs out chest proudly*
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:54, archived)

A gene pool shallower
than Paris Hilton
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:55, archived)

Watch it,
or I'll get Uncle Dad to beat you up.
Those extra fingers give him a hell of a right hook.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:57, archived)

right hook good time when masturbating
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:59, archived)

So my gripe
I regularly fly through Heathrow and I think I can count on one hand how many people who work there are actually English. (and when I mean English, I'm talking about who can speak English and have been born in England)
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:55, archived)

Would you want to work in Middlesex
for shit money ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 15:58, archived)

Working in a county that doesn't even exist?
Yeah, that would suck.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 16:02, archived)

What happened to it then ?
Al Qaeda ?

No, they'd only be killing their own if they targeted anywhere around Heathrow
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 16:06, archived)