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Not one of you fuckers wanted to meet me.
I'm so fucking depressed I shit myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:53, archived)
This ^

(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:53, archived)
great internet

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:13, archived)
What when where now?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:54, archived)
Nobody loves me Dr P.
NOBODY.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:55, archived)
That's because they're cunts.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:59, archived)
AB loves you
when he's not compiling lists and measuring his penis
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:14, archived)
I would if you promise we can get Badger drunk, so I can witness the comedy

(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:55, archived)
Two pints and he's anybody's.
Edit - is that apostrophe correct or not? I cannot tell.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:13, archived)
Anybodies, I think
I'm all fired-up on homebrew though. Best not to trust me.

HELLO LOVELY WICCA'D how are you?
(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:22, archived)
I'm grand.
I have a hideous stomach bug at the moment, but it could be much worse. Day off for me tomorrow I think :)

How are you, lovely triple S?
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:35, archived)
Yaaaaaay drink tea under the duvet watching Jeremy Kyle :)
I'm grand ta. Bit sneezy but I'm all fired up on my friends homebrew. It's been a splendid Wednesday
(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:40, archived)
Some of them wanted to meet me, did you see that bit
The bit where they wanted to booze with me?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:55, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7218026
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:12, archived)
LA LA LA
I can't hear you.
OVER THE CLAMOURING VOICES OF MY MILLIONS OF FANS
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:18, archived)
I didn't miss you at all on Saturday. Nobody did.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:38, archived)
She rang me up

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:44, archived)
Still going to St. Ives soon?
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3637737/Shark-hit-Cornish-town-is-just-like-film-Jaws.html

Shits kicking off.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:13, archived)
Fuck
Ing
Hell
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:16, archived)
What's the bet there's now a Facebook group with 10,000+ members called something like "fINeL SuLOOTIAN 2 Da IMigRUn'T MUSliM PEEdOE ShARK prOBLAM"?

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:17, archived)
I've just read what's in your profile
Fucking hell, I'm gutted I missed that. He is the reason I'm a bit ashamed to mention I vote Tory
(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:36, archived)
I wouldn't have bothered screencapping it if he'd just kept it up instead of deleting it like some kind of prick.
Or if I hadn't been distracted by a long phone call that meant I still had the thread open in another tab after he'd deleted it.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:44, archived)
Awesome, I'm glad you did
There's some spectacular insults in there
(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:48, archived)
Thesun, masquerading as news for the last 20 years.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:18, archived)
Hasn't it been going since about 1970?

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:27, archived)
it only got its news licence in about 1990, ish

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:37, archived)
Yeah but prior to 1990 it printed actual news.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:40, archived)
I feel like I've met you and Badger already.
www.sickidates.com/
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:57, archived)
Well, I've met you, otherwise, y'know.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:02, archived)
Actually no one said me.
Way to feel loved people.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:06, archived)
I can't be arsed with the internet much anymore Wicca.
But if you are ever up north in real life let me know and we can have a proper cider together from the Stubbing Wharf.
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:06, archived)
Rock

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:10, archived)
Totally.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:12, archived)
I might organise a St Annes b45h in August
No shit people. In fact, I might not even put it on the calendar.
That's how I roll
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:18, archived)
That sounds good to me.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:20, archived)
i lack a corporeal form

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:13, archived)
The second line
could be the problem
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:18, archived)
Oh, so that's how little Saturday meant to you? FINE
*does a little cry*
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:19, archived)
The bits I can remember were pretty fucking special.
I woke up at about 3am wanting more booze. I was christened 'The Red-Headed Walking Dead' by Rah's brother and his mate.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:36, archived)
Cheer up. Worse things happen at sea. In other news, I tend to use my old hotmail account for things that might bring spam
but from time to time I get an email there clearly intended for someone else with the same first initial and surname. I just got one offering a job as Seafood Operations Manager to a guy called Andy

Here's my reply:

Dear Karyl,
Can you tell me if this job will involve me having any contact with fish related produce? My now ex-girlfriend didn't have the best personal hygiene habits, but would insist I attend to her "Fufu" every night. The overpowering stench of fish would stay in my moustache for days, and now I can't bare to be around anything fish related because the smell instantly transports me back to those desperate nights crouched at the foot of the bed trying to suppress my vomit reflux, like trying to lick the tuna out of a week-old sandwich. But if it is a purely people management position, and doesn't require my involvement on the production side, then I guess I can apply,
Sincerely,
Andy xxxxx
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:33, archived)
You've stopped Andy getting a job and weren't funny in the process.
Shame on you, really.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 0:46, archived)
I saw Vomit Reflux at the Hammersmith Palais.

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 13:22, archived)