Any chance you fuckers could cheer me up?
God you're a miserable bunch

Edit: Off to watch telly for a bit now. Will look in later thanks.
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:23, archived)

Piss off Reg Varney.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:26, archived)

Olive, is that you?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:31, archived)

I think we all know it is.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:33, archived)

smile dickhead

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:27, archived)

I heard today that a colleague has hung themself
he wasn't a mate but it's still sad :(
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:40, archived)

fuck him
he was a prick
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:06, archived)

Doubt it, we're a miserable bunch.
I was in a wetherspoons last night and while I was taking a piss a chap walked in and said "Tell us a joke?" and so an old bloke taking a piss started telling him a joke.
( CowJam, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:28, archived)

wow cool story bro

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:31, archived)

I'm waiting for the punchline

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:33, archived)

There isn't one.
I can't remember the joke and I left before he finished it anyway.
( CowJam, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:38, archived)

Nothing on telly?

( Ibstock, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:31, archived)

Kylie concert but that's about it till 9 o'clock :(

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:32, archived)

Just think about Tommy Cooper
or find some of his stuff on the net. No chance in hell you can be sad when he's being funny.

Unless you focus on his early death from alcohol abuse deriving from his chronic insecurity.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:31, archived)

what's red and invisible?

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:35, archived)

Thrush

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:41, archived)

No tomatoes

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:51, archived)

I emailed Nigel Slater's PR people to see if they'd pass on an email I wrote him, I hope he writes back.
I might start writing to celebs to see if I can get any replies.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:32, archived)

I want to see Beyone at Glastonbury tomorrow
but I've got more chance of winning the lottery
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:34, archived)

no you haven't
that's just technically innacurate!
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:35, archived)

I was thinking today about those people who are going to see Coldplay tonight, they spent so much on tickets, their CD was on special offer at ASDA, should have gone there instead... suckers.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:44, archived)

yes, I would rather visit a supermarket than listen to Coldplay

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:48, archived)

visit a supermarket be anally raped with a cactus
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:49, archived)

I wonder if you add up the price of every band's latest album that it's possible to see
(taking in to account you can only have 1 from each timeslot as you can't be at 2 stages at once) would work out financially. I mean, I've got a garden and a tent and a stereo.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:51, archived)

Probably not for Glasto
I went to a cheapy festival at the star of the season, including petrol and camping and food it cost me about £200, I saw thirty or so acts, most of them were small bands so I'd have paid about double what they sell their albums for. Glasto costs a fuckload more, there's no way it comes in at less than a tenner an act.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:51, archived)

I don't even know how much Glasto tickets are
i'm assuming around £200 for the whole weekend with camping?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:57, archived)

Looks about right.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 21:01, archived)

each to their own
i paid about the same for Download, which i guess these days with it's history as Donington Monster's of Rock is the Rock/alternative Glasto. I just sort of feel Glasto is milking it's heritage without really providing enough to draw me to go other than the vague sense that i ought to once just because it's Glastonbury.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 21:07, archived)

I get the feeling I've missed out on the glory days of Glasto so there's not a lot of point going.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 21:12, archived)

Yeah, that's what i reckon

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 21:14, archived)

Twitter makes the long wait for a reply from a celeb instant

( magnum, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:54, archived)

alright victor

( spesh., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:32, archived)

Victor Kiam off of out of Remington shavers?
Dead. 2001.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:37, archived)

New favourite picture
www.tvscoop.tv/victor%20kiam.jpg
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:38, archived)

jesus FUCKING christ

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:46, archived)

That's how you know if a band name works
put "fucking" in the middle and see if it sounds awesome.
Motley Fucking Crue, Van Fucking Halen and so on.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:54, archived)

S Club Fucking Juniors
Scofuckingoch
( magnum, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:55, archived)

I think my point still stands after this
Edit: especially as S Club fucking Juniors sounds like a headline about a Nonce gang.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:59, archived)

Anal Fucking Cunt

(arseboon dilbaro arseboon dilbaro, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:02, archived)

Alisha's Fucking Attic

( CowJam, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:05, archived)

doesn't sound badass
sounds like a secret sex den. Or was that the joke you were making. Am i being dense?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:15, archived)

ಠ_ಠ
( CowJam, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:21, archived)

this vein of comedy may have legs
Craig Fucking David
lololololololol GAY
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:23, archived)

Talking, Fucking Heads

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:42, archived)

Van Der Graaf Fucking Generator

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:55, archived)

Orchestral Fucking Manouvers in the Cunting Dark

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:57, archived)

The Rolling Fucking Stones
Pearl Fucking Jam
(arseboon dilbaro arseboon dilbaro, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 21:01, archived)

What would cheer you up?
I'm not good at that kind of thing. I'm selfish.
( postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:10, archived)

Your GP will usually knock out scripts for Fluoxetine or Citalopram like confetti
He should be your first port of call
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:35, archived)

They take MONTHS to kick in though
He's probably best off scoring some Benzos down the pub
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 21:20, archived)