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Good Morning.
I cycled to work last night just to see how long it'd take.
Only 45 minutes.
But I was so knackered that I just drove in to work this morning.
My bum hurts.
From the bicycle seat not from gay bum fun.
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:06, archived)
allow an hour if you do it for real and maybe drop off some smart essential clothes at work beforehand
so you don't sit all day in stinky sweat/mud
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:10, archived)
But what if he works as a mud wrestler The LOVELY binkybinkybinkybinkybinkybinky?
Also: 'Ning. *Panders*
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:14, archived)
Well, i would drive to work in trousers and a shirt, id take this with me in a bag.
and i will probably leave over an hour early.
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:17, archived)
also don't make it a chore, make it a pleasure, at least till you're fit enough that it doesn't hurt
allow yourself days off from cycling, don't ride in if it's raining or you feel a bit gruuu.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:19, archived)
This is exactly my plan Binky!
I enjoyed the ride yesterday.
I will probably ACTUALLY ride to work tomorrow.
Though I might ask my dad if I can borrow his bike and helmet.
As I'm using my brother old bike and it's shit and old.
And I don't own a helmet and I'm worried that someone is going to drive into me and it's going to hurt and my head will hit the floor and my brains will come out and everyone will say "URGH, that man's brains are all over the road" and then I will have to go to hospital and have my brains put back in my head and maybe they will put my brains back in my head wrong and I will become stupid or maybe they will do it even better and I will become Steven Hawking.
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:22, archived)
Good morning The LOVELY MONO!.
Thank you for this update of Live From The Bumhole.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:11, archived)
Good morning Stuj

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:12, archived)
Good morning, Miss Binky.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:17, archived)
Good morning, Dr Shambolic.

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:18, archived)
Good morning, lazylegs.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:21, archived)
Good morning class.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:18, archived)
Ning ning ning ning ning.
*Extra panderings*
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:21, archived)
Hello
Don't be a puff and stick with it. More importantly my internets have crawled to a tenth of yesterday's speed and last night I was trying to convince a Scot that he wasn't Irish and that the orangemen didn't want to eat his babies.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:14, archived)
See, Cromwell should have just wiped them ALL out and had done with it.
Ning the LOVELY Bogus. I've had my bacon butty so all's well with the world.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:19, archived)
I'll be having a couple of boiled eggs in a minute
Yeah. You heard me!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:22, archived)
*jealouses*

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:25, archived)
I will stick with it.
but I need a bike that isn't over 15 years old first...
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:19, archived)
Our company has a bike/tax dodging scheme.
I think you get a decent bike, you pay for it from your pre-tax salary, so basically you don't pay income tax on the cost of the bike. Probably. Naturally I decline the offer on account of I cycled for years and got a little tired of lunatics who shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets, never mind drive a car, trying to kill me.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:26, archived)
We have an even better scheme where they buy you a bike and you rent it off them and are offered to buy it off them after a couple of years or just get another bike.

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:28, archived)
Yeah well
They gave me a helicopter
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:30, archived)
It's probably actually the same kind of scheme

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:31, archived)
I know
Do you want a helicopter? I can't be arsed with this one.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:34, archived)
Ok.

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:46, archived)
Man up, you flabby nancy.
45 minutes is barely enough to warm up.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:16, archived)
I rode to work fine, the ride home killed me.
It's stupidly hilly around Wokingham.
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:18, archived)
You'll get used to it.
We've evolved for leg work. A couple of weeks and it'll be a breeze.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:20, archived)
Yeah I bet you told Stephen Hawking that too.
'Ning The LOVELY Doc Ess.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:23, archived)
Morning, stuj.
I told Hawkings exactly that. He was indignant. He said "I" ... "can" ...

and then I got bored and pushed him down the stairs.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:29, archived)
Yeah, my legs are pretty strong, probably due to carry around this hefty frame all day.
They felt a bit weak after the ride, probably due to a sever lack of REAL exercise.
The main problem is the bloody bicycle seat, it hurts.
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:24, archived)
If you're going to do it regularly then pop to a proper bicycle shop and have them measure you up
the height of the seat and handlebars can make a huge difference to leg wobbles and arse discomfort.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:27, archived)
I shall do this.

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:32, archived)
or just get a calloused arse.

(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:33, archived)
i think i'll aim for a new bike for my next birthday
may seems like a good time to start cycling and i might have saved money by then.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:33, archived)
There's a woman around here cycles a lot that reminds me of you, albeit 30 years older.
I hope you'll get a bike like hers with a basket on the front and wear long impractical skirts.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:41, archived)
I have a 1970's Raleigh Shopper.
I'm doing it up, it's going to end up black with iron cross mirrors
Maybe a pirate flag too.
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:47, archived)
One of these?
www.weemonkey.com/images/Raleigh20.jpg
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:52, archived)
no, a Raleigh Shopper

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:58, archived)

www.flickr.com/photos/28120463@N07/3730769866/
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:59, archived)
the comments on that photo
Make me sad. Why can't weirdos at least be obsessed by something cool?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:03, archived)
ANOTHER name change

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:07, archived)
I keep getting complaints
Mongy was upset that i wasn't schurricane, now this one has had complatints too. I might just give up.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:11, archived)
just go back to windy pig, fer crissakes
i do miss schnurr though
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:13, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sxPQvqnZdQ&feature=related
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:20, archived)
I would like to apologise on behalf of google for not finding anything of that name.
I would also like to apologise on behalf of my own memories of the seventies for not remembering anything of the sort.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:00, archived)
google sprang back with it for me, you googletard.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:01, archived)
I looked again
www.littlepixel.info/twenty/blog/uploaded_images/shopper_07_normal.jpg
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:01, archived)
i had a raleigh holly for my first bike. it was pale yellow.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:01, archived)
My first was a Raleigh Chipper
Check out this bad boy
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:04, archived)
for people with really long bottoms?

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:05, archived)
It was the 70s
There were a lot of things very different in those days.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:06, archived)
maybe it was so your sweetie could sit behind you when you went to the malt shop

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:14, archived)
i just want you to know that i went to the trouble of finding a place called 'raleigh' on google maps then hunted around for a street view picture of someone shopping
but i didn't see any so i gave up.

i just thought you should know.
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:06, archived)
I value your work here

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:09, archived)
i try so hard, bogies

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:13, archived)
Morning all
How's life today?

Lots of mind games to be played with exercise like that. I'll happily go for a walk for the sake of a walk, but the idea of walking to the shops, which are closer than a normal walk, seems like a chore... odd.
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:27, archived)
it's because you're thinking wrong.
and also depends if you are carrying crisps or a lolly back, or potatoes and a big bottle of milk.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:41, archived)
normally it's a bottle of JD
you having a good morning?

Everyone was being mean to me last night... hello nicer people.
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:42, archived)
If you didn't revere Morrissey as a god everyone would be nice to you

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:46, archived)
WTF did the Morrissey stuff come from??!?!
There is a light that never goes out is one of the greatest tracks ever, but solo, he can (and does) mostly stick it up his arse.
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:49, archived)
Just japes, take it easy.
As a non-autism I will not be repeating the same dull shite over and over again between bites on green crayons.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:54, archived)
You're fine by me so far.

(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:21, archived)
get fucked, four eyes

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:48, archived)
missing you already

(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:56, archived)
was i right about the four eyes thing? i reckon it's a pretty safe bet on here

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:07, archived)
sadly so.
I'm a glasses direct man. All expense spared.
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:16, archived)
if you drink it on the way back you make your walk more pleasurable and less of a chore.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:48, archived)
I only tend to get the 37.5 bottles,
so if I do that it'll be empty after I walk home. If i get home.
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:51, archived)
thirty seven bottles, jeez, no wonder it's a chore to walk to collect them

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:06, archived)
That's because on a walk you won't be carrying full carrier bags on the way back.
Mind, your version of going to the shops probably only involves getting a packet of Marlboros, 8 cans of Skol 1080 and a copy of The Sun. Followed by an afternoon of drunken ranting and frenzied masturbation in the park.
That's all I'm saying here.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:45, archived)
Oh you erm... know me... so well??

(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:15, archived)
Nah, just been watching you on CCTV.

(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:24, archived)
two days in a row of arriving at work to a mono bike work thread!
this one differs from the yesterday's by mentioning bums instead of cheese
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:36, archived)
and he didn't even cycle in either day! what's that about?

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:40, archived)
i just don't know what to think any more
morning binkinkinky
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:43, archived)
quite a build up. How can this not end up in massive anti climax?

(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:45, archived)
i think the big twist in the end will be that the bike can travel through time if ridden backwards

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:49, archived)
Aww, man I was hoping he'd have baldmonkey wrapped in a blanket in the basket on the front.

(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:52, archived)
hey, maybe it's both

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:55, archived)
Oh WOW!
I TOTALLY want to see this happen now.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:58, archived)
Me too!

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:05, archived)
morning mano-a-mano-lith

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:49, archived)
are you calling me gay?
LATITUDE TOMORROW. YEAH
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:52, archived)
only in a FABULOUS way.
GOD I AM JEALOUS I CAN PREDICT THIS WEEK AND NEXT WEEK AT WORK WILL BE AWFUL QUITE AWFUL and i still can't get my new old car.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:00, archived)
*attempts sympathy*
*gets excited instead*
*feels bad momentarily*

why no car?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:15, archived)
gotta wait for documents to buy tax :(
in place of logbook, new keeper slip works in person at the post office but not online or by phone

in place of insurance certificate, the online or phone process checks the insurance database, but the post office doesn't

so i need one or the other to proceed.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:29, archived)
'Ning The LOVELY Beardo.
There's a MONO! bumhole thread and no sign of mongy. What are the chances eh?
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:48, archived)
mono's bumhole is out of beta now. anyone can use it rather than just experienced bumhole testers like mongy
hi stuj. how're you?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:51, archived)
Wishing I wasn't working.
Still, the NAAFI shop downstairs had bacon rolls in stock this morning so it ain't all bad.
You?
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 8:57, archived)
i'm ok ta. only working until lunchtime then i'm off for a week to see bands and have fun and that.
it's going to be ace.
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:16, archived)
HURRAH!
But you should have come to a PROPER music festival.
That's all I'm saying here.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:21, archived)
Did you enjoy Sonisphere too then?
I had a fucking excellent time.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:34, archived)
Hell yeah.

(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:35, archived)
Favourite band of the weekend?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:40, archived)
SLAYER
:D
Or Megadeth, Motorhead, Killing Joke, Arch Enemy, Opeth, SISTERS OF FUCKING MERCY, Bad Religion, Paradise Lost and I forget who else.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:57, archived)
I'm considering starting to cycle to work
But the only problem is that I'll feel sweaty and horrible when I get here, and there are no showers or anything to sort me out, so I'm not too sure what to do.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:17, archived)
flush your head in the loo?
use the urinal cake as soap.
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:20, archived)
Cycle slower

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:21, archived)
A whores bath in the sink in the gents?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:21, archived)
When I worked in Cardiff years back there was this weirdy bloke that used to cycle in from Bristol every day.
He used to do this, getting all his kit off in the bogs and surprising the hell out of the cleaner. She came into the office laughing one morning and said he had a VERY small willy.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:33, archived)
Only cycle when it's raining.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:22, archived)
Utilise a nearby brook or stream

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:22, archived)
Sit there stinking the office out.
Eventually they'll send you home.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:23, archived)
jeez if you need a full-on shower to freshen up you must be quite stinky.
i'd have thought a flannel, towel, deodorant and change of clothes would do.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:30, archived)
It's not that I'd need it, it's that I feel like I'd need it
I hate feeling sweaty.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 9:41, archived)
so have a wash and antiperspirant.
GOSH.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 10:09, archived)
I'm the same
Mine sometimes borders on obsession during the summer. I'll shower around 4 times a day. OH SEE DEE!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 11:26, archived)
This makes me sound much more mental than I am

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 11:27, archived)