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As much of a shithole as it is, Portsmouth is actually quite an interesting place
Except Gun Wharf...it's so bright and shiny (like the people that go there) it makes me want to cry.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:30, archived)
That sounds needlessly piratey

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:31, archived)
That should be it's slogan
Gun Wharf: Needlessly Piratey
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:33, archived)
Either that or a wild west desperado.
WANTED DOA: Gun Wharf. No good, low down, lilly-livered varmint.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:36, archived)
SUFFERIN' SUCATASH!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:38, archived)
it's one word, two hats
gunwharf. gunwharf quays
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:50, archived)
Then a spastic named it, Manolith

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:51, archived)
seems it was built on the site of a former naval shore base called 'HMS Nelson (Gunwharf)'
according to wikipedia
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:09, archived)
Correct
Bellends, the lot of them


I'm not backtracking now...I've come too far
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:16, archived)
GUNWHARF QUAYS IS TWO WORDS

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:03, archived)
ARE TWO WORDS.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:03, archived)
THE GUNWHARF BIT IS ARE ONE WORD
SHUT IT UP
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:07, archived)
I prefer to separate the Gun from the Wharf
I'm not ashamed *walks away with nose in the air*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:08, archived)
*flicks Vs behind your back*

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:16, archived)
*pretends not to notice*
*cries at home*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:18, archived)
AM TWO WORDS

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:08, archived)
I went there when I was in Portsmouth once thinking there might be something of historical interest to see
You can imagine my diappointment.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:36, archived)
Yes, I really really can
It's redeeming feature is that you can SEE some historical things from it. The Spinnaker is disappointing to a staggering degree.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:37, archived)
Why, can you not see historical things from the top of the Spinnaker? I find that difficult to believe, Mr Hats.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:40, archived)
Apologies, I may have muddied the water there
You can see points of interest from the top of the Spinnaker. It is, however, unnecessarily expensive to go up the bastard. It's slightly cheaper if you're a resident, but then you have the embarrassment of having to take a utility bill up to the information desk. God, it's shit here.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:43, archived)
but you are only a short ferry ride from the tropical paradise island of Wight
(is the spinnaker subsidised for locals to allow them to jump off the top?)
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:48, archived)
I'm from there :(
I went there last year for the first time in ages. If it's possible, it's got even more depressing.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:50, archived)
Not been there in ages, but I want to go over on the hovercraft, get on the funny little tube train and go for a walk on the downs around Ventnor
When I went there a few years ago, a mate asked if we could get duty free on the ferry. He was serious too.

Are you from Ventnor? Do you have downs?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:54, archived)
Funnily enough, we always stop at the hovercraft terminal when one's coming in...sad really
No, not from Ventnor...Ryde. And no, don't have Downs.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:05, archived)
hovercraft are great though.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:09, archived)
They are great aren't they?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:12, archived)
I was in Deal recently and read something about how when the cross channel hovercraft were struggling to make money
they used to run day trips to the Goodwin Sands (sand banks in the middle of the English Channel, site of many shipwrecks, exposed at low tide) for people to go and picnic and play cricket. That'd have been brilliant.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:16, archived)
What a cool idea

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:17, archived)
maybe we should TWOC a hovercraft from Portsmouth and set ourselves up in business.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:18, archived)
YEAH!
One of the forts out in the Solent is still uninhabited I think...we could use that as a base of operations.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:20, archived)
that Napoleonic one? being turned into a hotel I think
but we shouldn't let that stop us. Hoist the Jolly Roger, Cap'n hats!

hotel casino, bizarrely. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hampshire/8302593.stm
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:28, archived)
AVAST!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:30, archived)
AVAST BEHIND!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:46, archived)
You are a cruel man
I prefer to refer to myself as bootylicious
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:49, archived)
I prefer AVG, ho ho.
*waits for kewpie to come along and post why Avast is better than AVG only to fail to convince anyone of anything other than his unprecedented levels of autism*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:53, archived)
I'd go for one of these:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maunsell_Forts

They're like big aquatic AT-ATs
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:31, archived)
Awesome
Isn't someone a King of one of those or something? Am I making any sense at all?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:34, archived)

www.sealandgov.org/history.html
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:41, archived)
Hooray!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:43, archived)
'King Roy of Sealand'
gotta be the shittest royal title EVA!

although ironically 'Roy' comes from Roi.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:44, archived)
Sealand is a terrible name too
I'd be King Emperor of Greatland
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:50, archived)
King Awesome Hats The Third of Awesomeland \o/

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:52, archived)
or:
His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Doctor Two Hats, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:55, archived)
Now THAT is dignified

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:00, archived)
A man who knew what he wanted, and went out and got it

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:04, archived)
No-one will read this far out
EVERYONE IS A CUNT
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:06, archived)
Hey, you're right
I HAVE PHOTOGRAPHS OF MANOLITH HAVING SEX WITH BALDMONKEY WHILE BINKY WATCHES AND MASTURBATES WITH A ROLLED UP MAGAZINE...FROM THE PHOTO IT LOOKS LIKE A 'TAKE A BREAK'
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:08, archived)
Yeah so what
Everyone's seen that
I'm sick of seeing binky's fanny
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:09, archived)
what about baldmonkey's shrivelled winky?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:11, archived)
Oh I love seeing that
It's so WAKI
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:15, archived)
At least when it does make an appearance it means 6 more weeks of winter

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:16, archived)
Really? I don't think I could ever get tired of looking at it
It's such a weird colour
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:12, archived)
It does have a certain ring to it...

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:55, archived)
King Awesome Hats the First of Awesomeland was you too, as was King Awesome Hats the Second of Awesomeland
but you were so awesome they decided unanimously to give you a couple more coronations.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:11, archived)
Is it pronounced Dill, or Dee-al? I go for Dee-al, but whenever I speak to someone from there they say it as Dill. True story.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:22, archived)
grundisburgh. or hollesley.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:23, archived)
I've always known it as deal as in deal or no deal

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:25, archived)
I once went to Portsmouth's natural history museum. Three words..
PAPER MACHE DINOSAUR.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:38, archived)
Is that the creationist place?
edit: it sounds as good as the walrus in the Horniman which looks like it's about to explode Mr Creosote style. It's so shit they don't even have a picture of it face on as that would reveal it's true crapness.

www.horniman.ac.uk/collections/browse/object/190371
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:39, archived)
That's not a walrus,
THIS is a walrus.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:56, archived)
goo goo gajoob

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:06, archived)
no, that's plasticene

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:09, archived)
Yes, it's not one of the great british museums, it's true

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:40, archived)
was the whole thing filled with items reproduced by a primary school?

like ancient scrolls that smell a bit like coffee, dinosaur footprints with bits of the potato stamp stuck in the clay?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:41, archived)
Last year they had a Sci-Fi Movie exhibition
With props and costumes actually used in the movies*



*If the Darth Vader costume was used in a movie, it certainly wasn't Star Wars.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:44, archived)
ah, but have you been to ipswich museum? we have a motheaten stuffed woolly mammoth.
and an iron-age encampment made entirely of plastic.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:44, archived)
Ha, wonderful

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 10:46, archived)
Gun Wharf is the worst place in the world.
Except for Hull
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:11, archived)
no other cinemas nearby, sadly
and there are some nice restaurants there
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:17, archived)
Yeah, it's probably not as bad as I made out, It's just frightfully dull.
I'd rather go to the Historic Dockyard anyday!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:19, archived)
It's so expensive now though! It's about twenty quid for adults and 15 for kids
Bloody outrageous
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:23, archived)
look, can you take your middle-class angst somewhere else, please.
i hear the guardian message boards are hiring.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:24, archived)
HARUMPH!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:26, archived)
are you making an ad hominem attack?
take your straw man (cf madsen pirie) and piss off.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:28, archived)
*takes straw man*
*pisses off*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:29, archived)
The fact remains that as much as the Historic Dockyard is really good
It's bloody expensive
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:37, archived)
I haven't been for at least 10 years.
Used to love it, we had annual passes.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:38, archived)
Yeah, that's the way to do it
If you plan on return visits of course. But then if I had a pass I'd go all the time I reckon. The kids would love it, I'm sure.
Last year we had a works do on the Warrior. That was pretty cool.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:41, archived)
It's best to go more than once.
We went on the Victory tour every single time and we learnt loads more every time, all the guides knew a little bit extra about certain things.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:47, archived)
Yeah, the guides really know their stuff
Fuck it, I'm going there now
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:58, archived)
Do it!
I wanted to go dressed as a pirate this year for my birthday.
No one wanted to go with me if I was dressed as a pirate :(
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 12:00, archived)
I respectfully disagree
There are some overpriced chain restaurants there. None of them are 'nice' in the true definition of the word. Pompey is full of great independant restaurants, I've no idea why people insist on eating at that ghastly place.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:21, archived)
ent.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:26, archived)
>:(

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:29, archived)
i like fire and stone
las iguanas send me money off thingies all the time so that's cheap enough. there are decent places to eat if you're already in gunwharf for something else. otherwise, yes. there are plenty of more characterful places dotted about. went to a cool moroccan place in elm grove for my birthday
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:49, archived)
To be fair I've not been to Fire & Stone, so I shouldn't judge
I'm just a bit anti-chain. It's my problem, not theirs...I'm so very sorry.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:54, archived)
I don't really like chains, but I get 20% off at Prezzos with my Merlin Pass.
Bargain
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 11:56, archived)