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i described /talk to a bloke in the pub this afternoon
as 'a place where i call people cunts on the internet'. how do you justify your crippling internet self-importance to the vast majority of people who have never even heard of this site and don't consider it important?
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:11, archived)
Why in god's name would I tell people about this place?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:13, archived)
because you live and breathe it.
you cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:16, archived)
I would never tell anybody about this place.
I think I would prefer it if they thought I spent my time looking up ever more depraved porn.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:18, archived)
I try to avoid the subject
Telling them I'm a wobbling, flailing mess on the internet as well doesn't win me any friends.
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:15, archived)
i think they probably already know.
you cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:16, archived)
Nooooobody knooooows the trooouble I've seeeeeen
*plays harmonica in the dark*
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:18, archived)
is there anything in your feeble life that does?

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:19, archived)
He makes a mean cup of tea.
Before you all snort with derision, it counts. I am fed up of hiring kids who can't make tea. It's not even difficult.

Oh fuck off, I'm allowed to be grumpy and beat up on kids on a Sunday afternoon.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:21, archived)
My unfeasably large memory of dead baby jokes is a hit with the single mums.

(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:23, archived)
His local subway staff would miss him bitching about the wrong dressing on his lunch.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:30, archived)
Ah, they'd just make him another one to replace it.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:33, archived)
He screams racist abuse at them till they do.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:37, archived)
Oh Adam and his racism.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 18:53, archived)
I bet he knows all their first names, and asks them how their weekends were
while they're thinking "fucking hell, our managers make us do small talk to the customers, but this prick's doing it for fun, christ, I hate my job, I wish I hadn't quit uni now".
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:37, archived)
They know me as 'the wrap guy' there.
It's nice to be recognised sometimes. Puts a real spring in my step
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:39, archived)
you know this isn't a good thing, right?

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:50, archived)
It isn't, I know
But there's just nothing else to eat near the office that of any real (relative) nutritional value, so I go there every day, have a wrap for two quid and it sets me up for the rest of the day.
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:53, archived)
Don't you need a degree to work there these days?

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:52, archived)
Meeting different people every day, was one of better parts of the job.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 18:40, archived)
No such thing as the wrong dressing there
as they are all tasty.
Mmm, subway wraps
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:38, archived)
That's it?
That's all this place is to you?

Terribly sad times. Again.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:17, archived)
sorry neptune. i was forgetting about the social experiment bit.
you cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:23, archived)
i walk into shops, get my items to the till then say "and i'll have the 95% discount too, i'm very important on the internet you know". most of the time they capitulate
if they don't i take off my shirt, then use a knife to carve "LIGHTGUY" into my chest. usually at this point they fall down weeping
(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:17, archived)
i done a bogey snort.
you cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:21, archived)
So you staggered over to some poor bloke and rambled a bit.
Well played.
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:19, archived)
so you posted a picture of your tea on qotw.
well played. you cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:22, archived)
Fuck you Janet. It was a VERY important project to me.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:23, archived)
Oh bless
you burnt your oven chips.
(I helped save b3ta! Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:39, archived)
In my wild and irresponsible uni days I microwaved oven chips.
The resulting chewy cardboardy mess wasn't that appetising
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:41, archived)
CRAZY!

(I helped save b3ta! Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:44, archived)
I'd like to think that my unorthodox interests and my distaste for playing by their rules
will make me the maverick renegade I aspire to be. First the chips, then the frisbee, then WHO KNOWS??
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:51, archived)
They weren't bunt. Well, only a little.
The photo made it look a lot worse than it really was.
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:44, archived)
BUNT!!!

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:51, archived)
They're not bunt Janet, or indeed bunting.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:53, archived)

www.b3ta.com/questions/amazingprojects/post1439731
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:44, archived)
I don't really do breakie but I likes this place. I believe they do breakfast.
www.monkeysleeps.com/
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:49, archived)
Oh yeah. I did see a review of the place.
Does sound good.
I'll see if I can't convince my brother, he's a bit picky.

as long as I get a kebab after the concert and breakfast before the train home I'm happy.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:50, archived)
Where's the gig?

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:52, archived)
Barrowlands.
Hotel up in Kelvingrove though.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:55, archived)
Fucksticks. Kebab shops are rank round that way.
You going into toon after? If so I'd suggest this:
www.flyingduckclub.com/

No neds or cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 18:00, archived)
Nah, My bro is only 15.
Thanks for the tip though, I'll keep it in mind for next time.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 18:01, archived)
Ah, fair do's chief.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 18:02, archived)
At least, that's what you *think* you said
He probably heard "raaaaaawoooowrweeeeeeeeee cunt cunt cunt"

as you slowly pissed yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:29, archived)
is this what passes for humour if you have aspergers?

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:32, archived)
I mention this place as little as possible
I don't want anyone to find me.
(I helped save b3ta! Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:30, archived)
roast beef and all the trimmings at 6. can you be here?
roast AND mash.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:31, archived)
I'm already outside your house..

(I helped save b3ta! Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:35, archived)
What is your stance on the use of bread sauce outside of the christmas holidays?

(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:42, archived)
bread sauce is wrong whatever the occasion.
you spacker.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:45, archived)
YES!
Fucking horrible stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:46, archived)
You are both wrong
WRONG!
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:59, archived)
I like both those things, on their own.
Together, they are evil.
(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:47, archived)
See when it's boxing day and I needed something to fill me for the day
I usually made a huge sandwich consisting of all the ingredients from yesterday's dinner, with cranberry sauce, stuffing and bread sauce as the cement.
I wasn't very thin back then
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee OG wanker, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:49, archived)
It was weird enough treating Aardvark as a human

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:38, archived)
I have the exact same problem.

(I helped save b3ta! Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:45, archived)
Wait, he isn't a large Aardvark.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:56, archived)
Yeah pretty much that but I'm such a shut in, that the only people I talk to, already know about it anyway.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 20 Nov 2011, 17:32, archived)