Fucking hell. Someone start an interesting thread.
We've done four hours of fucking scotch egg bars now.
One of us must have SOMETHING interesting to say. I've got five and a half hours to fill here, for fucks sake.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:38, archived)

BALDMONKEY WHICH BIRD WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO SEE
Everyone else, same question.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:38, archived)

A fucking bullfinch.
I've not seen one ever and they aren't even rare. It makes me feel like a cunt.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:39, archived)

I've not seen one either
I've seen a hoopoe in the wild in Spain, that was pretty cool.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:42, archived)

Yeah. They use them in the night garden. I point them out to my sons and say, those are not tittifers, those are hoopoes.
TV teaches kids some shit.
Hoopoes look like they are on their way to mardi gras innit.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:43, archived)

I looked it up
what a weird thing to make up. What's wrong with "hoopoe" Hoopooh's not hard to pronounce. Stupid children's tv.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:45, archived)

You ever watched an episode?
It like a full scale assault to promote retardation in kids.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:47, archived)

god no
sounds like it'd be best appreciated on strong sedatives
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:50, archived)

NOTHING happens in it.
That's what stresses me out the most. They don't DO anything.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:51, archived)

bugs bunny and tom and jerry cartoons are best for kids in my opinion
jokes and hilarious violence
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:52, archived)

Horrible Histories and I'm Sorry I've Got No Head are fucking ace.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:53, archived)

Horrible Histories used to be on when I was in school
that was pretty good. I had some of the books too.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:54, archived)

Do you mean the cartoon?
I don't. I mean the sketch show.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:55, archived)

Didn't it used to be a sketch show?
I can't remember now
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:57, archived)

There was a shite cartoon years ago.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:00, archived)

It's on at the theatre now too.
I would quite like to see that.
( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 12:07, archived)

We could go together balders, like on a date.
We'd sit together in the back row, you'd snuggle up, trying to get closer then I would call you a fat mess and tell you to stop touching me you REPULSE ME
( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 12:09, archived)

Sounds good.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:27, archived)

I imagine something similar happens when you and Wife go to the cinema

( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 12:32, archived)

Me too.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:48, archived)

This'll be why she cheated on you with Tw'ats

( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 12:52, archived)

How about you?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:41, archived)

Fieldfare.
They're really pretty. Or a Kingfisher, properly, not just in a streak of blue.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:43, archived)

I'd also like a pet crow but I think that's going a bit far.
It'd shit on everything. And push food into places and forget about it. I don't want rotting bacon stored around my flat.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:44, archived)

carrion crows are beautiful
and jackdaws
massively underrated birds just cos they are common.
same goes for herring gulls
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:48, archived)

Jackdaws are shit.
Ravens are the shit.
( MONO!, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:50, archived)

I like jackdaws, I like their silly little noise

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:51, archived)

Kingfishers are cool.
Fieldfares ain't all that.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:44, archived)

In my bird book when I was little, they were always pictured eating fallen apples in the snow
I've seen thrushes, which are similar, but not fieldfares.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:46, archived)

Winter before last was good for seeing birds. It was so harsh and started so early it brought a lot of birds into more urban areas looking for food.
Got to see loads of stuff I wouldn't normally. Fieldfares included. They just look like a mistlethrush that's got slightly smartened up to go to a work function it doesn't really care about.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:50, archived)

haha, yeah they're slightly blue, aren't they
we get sparrows and starlings, pigeons, that's about it. There's some woods behind our flat but I've not been out to have a proper look for birds. It's mostly full of chav kids.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:52, archived)

Best not to, then.
You probably have wrens too if you look hard enough. You'd like wrens. They are tiny. About twice as tall as you.
If you put out feeders you'd probably get great tits, blue tits and greenfinches at least. especially if there are woods nearby.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:55, archived)

It's crawling with cats around here, unfortunately
We've got a tree out the front though, if I put a feeder in there I bet I'd get some birds. My grandparents in Cornwall have a bit of their garden just for the birds, put loads of food out. My grandad has a rifle to shoot at the peregrines and sparrowhawks with. In 20 years he's only ever hit one.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:57, archived)

Why would anyone want to shoot peregrines and sparrowhawks?
Is he one of these dozy old cunts who attribute human sentimentality to wildlife?
They ain't evil, like cats are. They're just eating.
If you get peregrines and sparrowhawks that's a good thing. It means you have a healthy population of birds in your area.
Tell him I said he's a cunt.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:00, archived)

He should make himself useful and shoot a fucking horse.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:01, archived)

he might have a job with an air rifle

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:02, archived)

yeah he is a cunt, but his rate of success is so dismal it's not worth arguing about
he had even less success with a fishing catapult but it was funnier to watch him try. At least I can shoot cans with the rifle when I go down there.
He thinks he's protecting the sweet little birds. Keeps him busy, sitting there and watching.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:02, archived)

Not that I give a fuck about the birds.
Don't get me wrong. It's the shit reasoning I have a problem with.
If he was shooting peregrines and sparrowhawks for shits and giggles, that'd be fine.
I'd like to shoot a panda.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:04, archived)

I'd like to eat a panda
rubbish animals
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:06, archived)

I'm down with Packham and Attenborough on this one.
If an animal needs conserving it ain't fit for purpose and should be allowed to die out.
Any animal that needs IVF can fuck off and die already.
But yeah, I'd love to eat the last panda.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

ooh we saw skylarks in the Norfolk Broads too
they fly right up and hover, singing away like mad. Very cool little things.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:55, archived)

I love skylarks, they're epitomise summer to me.
I'm going to listen to this now.
( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 12:12, archived)

Kelly Brook

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:43, archived)

BITTERN!

( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 11:52, archived)

Shit. Yeah. This.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:52, archived)

I'd also like to see a starling shittng on a small child, if only there was a blog somewhere that might possibly provide such a thing

( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 12:18, archived)

ooh yeah
they reintroduced them in East London, didn't they?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:54, archived)

They've reintroduced great bustards to Salisbury too.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:56, archived)

they look cool, like mini turkeys
this shit RSPB book hasn't got bustards in.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:58, archived)

They're on MOD land. So it's a bit of a chore going to see them as you can't get on the land and they won't disclose what bit of land precisely they are on.
There's special tours you can go on. Sounds a bit of a chore though. And I bet it costs.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:06, archived)

you'd end up walking with people wearing bumbags
no way
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

really? where was that spango? I know they bred some in the Broads(word)

( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 12:10, archived)

they've got a few at the London Wetlands Centre apparently
www.wildlifeextra.com/go/news/london-bittern8437.html#cr
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

great stuff, I've been meaning to go there for a while

( spesh., Thu 3 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

A lesser spotted woodpecker.
Have you ever seen a lesser spotted woodpecker?
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:40, archived)

Yeah.
And a greater.
They're alright.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:41, archived)

The woodland hide up Blashford Lakes is a great place to see them close up.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:42, archived)

it's the green ones that are hard to spot
I think I've seen one
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:42, archived)

Seems to me you're more likely to get a green woodpecker in your garden than the other two.
That's the place to see one.
If you want to maximise your chances, get a medium sized log, drill a load of holes in it and stuff mealworms and stuff in the holes then hang it vertical in the garden somewhere.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 3 May 2012, 11:47, archived)

there are some dead trees up the road, I heard one drilling there a while ago
I think it was a greater spotted, it was pretty big
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 3 May 2012, 12:00, archived)