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m0rn1ng!

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 6:25, archived)
hurrah!

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 6:44, archived)
G-Force sucked off a donkey in an Asda car park

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:55, archived)
Limited face paint and dyed black quiff
Overweight and out of date
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:59, archived)
Lol

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:04, archived)
So fucking funny

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:26, archived)
Unconventional.

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:08, archived)
and fucking useless

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:55, archived)
BAN THIS SICK FILTH

(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:45, archived)
Ban G-force for underperformance

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:56, archived)
Yes

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:46, archived)
NO, more like!

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:56, archived)
Hmm

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:54, archived)
^ shook and lurched all over the church floor

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 7:56, archived)
That's quite a fun song.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:43, archived)
A shout-out and a pint to Grrrmachine for taking up the slack during my commute.
Wednesday, eh lads? Eh? EH?
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:13, archived)
THE DAY OF WOTAN, LORD OF THESE ISLES
also, longest name of all the weekdays, fact fans.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:16, archived)
You are now subscribed to Wicker Man Facts.
Yet despite being the longest in terms of letters, it has no more syllables than any other day of the week. Striking, is it not?
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:21, archived)
Uh, it's pronounced Wed Ness Day

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:24, archived)
So called because it is the traditional day when loch monsters get married.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:28, archived)

Wed Family
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:30, archived)
why do so many of our morning threads come from mainland europe?
#brexit
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:50, archived)
hi

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:51, archived)
I do hope you are going to conduct yourself with a little more decorum today

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:54, archived)
Hope away, dear boy
I'm going to be the fuckingest cunt you ever saw
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:56, archived)
oh

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:07, archived)
i no

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:08, archived)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:14, archived)
First we'll take your jobs, then your messageboards, then your wives and children.
They will make a glorious contribution in the salt mines.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:53, archived)
rip mongy

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:58, archived)
cheaper, more thorough, and one hour ahead of schedule
THAT'S why
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:53, archived)
but what of the consequences for the white working class?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:55, archived)
fuck 'em, bunch of unwashed troglodytes
they wouldn't be undercut if they weren't so lazy, inefficient, demanding and generally shit at the jobs they do.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:02, archived)
You say that, but you beat me to the punch virtually every morning.
I'm still arguably cheaper, though, especially for donkey blow jobs in car parks.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 8:58, archived)
£350 million a week goes towards funding these morning threads
Which could be better put to use in good British food threads, or traditional alright threads
(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:30, archived)
I'd rather an alright thread than an alt-right thread.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:31, archived)
Hail the mods, hail /talk, hail nan are we led her off the road.
*salutes*
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:34, archived)
you've done it wrong

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:02, archived)
OMG! 3l33t haxxor
*puts tape over webcam*
(I helped save b3ta! keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:05, archived)
G-morning.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:14, archived)
the fuck is this shit?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:15, archived)
Go back to bed, honky.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:34, archived)
don't make it racial, m8, come on

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:38, archived)
honk honk

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:52, archived)
Just read a story about a local guy prosecuted for dropping a cigarette butt on the floor
He was fined £220 with a £30 victim surcharge and £124 costs to pay. Fair enough, rules is rules and all that.
However, another guy got caught drink driving and he has to pay a £55 victim surcharge and £85 prosecution costs. Thoughts?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:37, archived)
I've had a few
About yer nan
(I helped save b3ta! keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:39, archived)
links -->

(I helped save b3ta! sock more tea vicar?, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:41, archived)
<-- board

(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:43, archived)
ur nan-->

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:46, archived)
she's dead
dead tired of your sarcasm! hahahahahhahaahaha no she's really dead :(
(I helped save b3ta! sock more tea vicar?, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:51, archived)
of exhaustion?

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:52, archived)
doubtful, she was welsh

(I helped save b3ta! sock more tea vicar?, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:57, archived)
interesting

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:59, archived)

^
|
|
|
skinks
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:48, archived)
Did the drunk driver also get a driving ban?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:43, archived)
Ok, I missed some vital information, my apologies
"fined £550 with an 18-month ban" in addition to the other stuff. Soz.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:47, archived)
Reporting in the style of the tabloids, were you.
Disgusting.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:49, archived)
Look, I just report the facts that people need to know, alright?
*shreds*
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:53, archived)
if you drop a fag end on the pacement, who is the victim?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:45, archived)
Society, m8
Society
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:48, archived)
which is a feeble excuse for councillers to stock up on Viscounts and Penguins for their meetings
using our "victim surcharge" for their own choccy biccy requirements, the chubby dickheads.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:53, archived)
dunno
what's a pacement?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 10:07, archived)
Also, Sharia law would have sorted it out
They would both be probably dead.
(I helped save b3ta! keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:49, archived)
^infidel

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:52, archived)
Infidelicious

(I helped save b3ta! keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:54, archived)
I could explain the nature of these crimes and fines
but it would make our collective bloods boil
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 9:57, archived)
Yes, but can you do it without saying the sentence
"You couldn't make it up!" at some point.
(I helped save b3ta! keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 10:01, archived)
alright, here goes
Half my family is in the force. Dad was a sergeant, stepmum a SOCO, her daughter is an inspector and she's married to another inspector.

The Force has internal metrics to measure performance, set by the inspectors according to crime statistics, ie this week you will deal with three burglaries, two domestic violence issues, four traffic violations etc. This means that if two calls come in and one meets the quota and one doesn't, the quota one gets dealt with as a priority even if the other is an assault. Considering the public perceives the most heinous crime of today as "dog shit on pavements", it gives you an idea of what crimes are treated as priority by today's constabulary, hence plod having to catch people for utterly petty social disobedience crimes like dropping fag ends rather than all the drug-related burglaries in your area.

Where does all the profit end up? My step-sister has 16 years of experience in the force; two on the streets, 14 behind a desk. She earns over 50k a year, plus healthcare, protected pension including employer contributions, job protection and retirement after 30 years. Her husband just did his 30 years, took his pension at the age of 50, and was immediately given a civilian position at the same salary doing the same fucking job. So that's two cunts behind desks earning 100k per annum plus benefits, telling your local bobby that fag ends and dog turds are more important than drug dealing, drunk driving or stabbings, based on the Excel sheet they knocked up. You couldn't make it up!
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 10:11, archived)
fuck :(

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 10:11, archived)
This new star wars film sounds shit

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 10:17, archived)
That's the stupidest thing I've heard of in quite a while.
It's the same 'logic' as stop and search statistics in the States, where they have metrics about stopping 10 white motorists, 10 black motorists and 10 hispanic motorists a day even if they're not doing anything remotely suspicious.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 23 Nov 2016, 10:31, archived)
I said it'd make you angry
It made my Dad angry too. He was sergeant of a Tactical Response team (full body armour/riot gear training, armoured mercedes van etc), tasked with driving around looking for kids doing graffiti because they'd already met their violent crime quota for that period.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Nov 2016, 10:38, archived)