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Hi everyone. It's me. Tee Aitch. You know, off the internet!
It's my birthday soon, and I'm hoping for all sorts of fun gifts and surprises. What did you get for your last birthday? Because whatever it was, I bet it was a real treat!
Alternatively, what should you do if you pull back your foreskin and it smells of almonds?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 12:49, archived)
And if you don't have a penus, same question, but the smell is yeast

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 12:49, archived)
I want a refund

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:13, archived)
You'll have to fill in a form if you want a refund

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:36, archived)
Corsair gaming keyboard, it's the shit
Alternatively: dunno, I'm not a medical professional
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 12:56, archived)
I like to play with the mechanical ones in Currys
Well....I used to
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:29, archived)
the penuses, you mean

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:15, archived)
y

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:24, archived)
I can't remember, must not have been notable.
Alt: put a clothes peg on your nose.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:04, archived)
Bit ungr8ful m8

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:29, archived)
alright 'the chicken song'

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:21, archived)
Running shoes
Alt: last time I smelt almonds I had a stroke
(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:14, archived)
Everyone's getting shoes
And there's nowhere to go
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:30, archived)

1. stop fucking Mrs Marzipan.

For my birthday I got some shoe
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:22, archived)
Ah some shoe....but not shoes
Clever
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:30, archived)
it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago
Got some trainers and a watch.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:23, archived)
So you can run on time hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:28, archived)
idgi

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:30, archived)
Hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:34, archived)
nope, lost on me

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:39, archived)
YOU are a card

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:40, archived)

ca tu
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:47, archived)

c ret
(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:51, archived)

ard unt
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:21, archived)
Jill biden y/n

(dribble, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:50, archived)
Sure why not

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:54, archived)
only if she lezzes it up with Janet Yellen

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:55, archived)
Well, I'd not do Doug Emhoff
so there.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:28, archived)
Last birthday I got some money and maybe I'm mixing up birthday and christmas but I think I also got a theremin and some bagpipes.
The bagpipes have stayed in their box.
(I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:44, archived)
I'm not fucking surprised

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 13:52, archived)
A sword
And some disturbed stuff and money. Also, your cock seems to be full of cyanide
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:08, archived)
A sword? Why?

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:09, archived)
She said she was thinking of being a mature student

(dribble, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:36, archived)
Because my nephew refused to buy me a crossbow

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:38, archived)
I've got my great (I think) grandfather's dress sword which he wore to the coronation of George (again, I think) V
cool huh

my dad apologised when he handed it on to me, because it's not straight from when he used to hit his younger brothers with it when he was a boy
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:46, archived)
My uncle "confiscated" a sword from an Argentinian soldier the Falkland Islands scuffle
he's said I can have it. It's a fucking nasty piece of kit, modern killing weapon with a scabbard. I'm gonna collect it before heading back to London so I can play that "this is a knife..." "no, this is a knife" Crocodile Dundee game with the local youts.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:49, archived)
My kids normally just get me some beers , less than a month to my and my daughters birthday. Still dont know what to buy her, gutted her 18th will be lockdown

(Nicki Minaj, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:17, archived)
that fucking sucks eh
poor kid
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:22, archived)
Yeah , turning 18 and cant see your mates or go up the pub , on my birthday last year a fella collapsed and we got an ambulance, 6 months later the covid got him

(Nicki Minaj, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:28, archived)
It's my wife's 40th in a couple of weeks
Not that we really ever do anything for our birthdays, but still. It would be nice to have the option
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:23, archived)
Yesterday all I wanted to do was sit in a cafe and have a breakfast, damn you covid

(Nicki Minaj, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:31, archived)
Yeah, I'd like to just say "who fancies going out for lunch?"
Fingers crossed for the vaccine, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:35, archived)
I had the first jab on 9th January
still ain't been to the pub though
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:40, archived)
Oh cool
You'll be free before you know it!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:04, archived)
What a waste of the vaccine

(Nicki Minaj, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:33, archived)
Just posting so that future generations will know that I was here

Let me answer your second question with another question: what should you do if you pull back your foreskin and it smells of Almond's?
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:26, archived)
YOU DON'T KNOW ME YOUR BLOCKED

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:27, archived)
^

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:30, archived)
hi twoser
I got some records for my last birthday, which really was a treat.
I could list them for you, but I doubt you'd care.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:31, archived)
Of course I care!
What records did you get?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:36, archived)
oh you're just saying that

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:38, archived)
I just got this ordered
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UayMM8ZivNo
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:42, archived)
As I'm sure comes as no surprise, I don't know who these people are
But if you like them, I like them x
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:59, archived)
I only listen to Skee-Lo these days

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:04, archived)
never heard of her

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:09, archived)
you must surely have heard of Various?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:08, archived)
Oh yes
But I prefer their early stuff
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:37, archived)
just having a gander, the first one sounds gr8

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:31, archived)
it really is
You might like the Sudanese one and all, more surf guitar than jazz in places
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:49, archived)
you're right, it's great stuff

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 17:03, archived)
Criminal and sex offender

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:39, archived)
Probably the most honest So Solid spinoff

(dribble, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 16:11, archived)
'world's biggest wanker', and' most mung beans in your mouth in one go'

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:43, archived)
well that's where you look silly 'cause the mung bean record was the year before

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:56, archived)
oh MAN I feel like a right dozer

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:22, archived)
On my last birthday (55) I received a CD-R of all the number one hits from 1965 from DJ Muggs. B-Real got me a shower cap and some travel sized shampoo.

(Garold Huzzah!, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:42, archived)
B-Real sounds like a keeper

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 14:53, archived)
He’s a real doll. Not like a ‘Real Doll’ real doll.

(Garold Huzzah!, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:32, archived)
I'm not sure what any of this means, but it sounds jolly exciting

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:00, archived)
You know what? You’re absolutely right.

(Garold Huzzah!, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 15:32, archived)