fuck all of you well rested wankers
i've been up all night charged off my tits trying to catch a mouse that has just moved into my gaff, and has chosen to nest in my office (and combined bedroom/bathroom/kitchen/dining area) and it has begun chewing the fuck out of important paperwork i have accumulated over the years which detail most of my many inventions, also my business ledgers and detailed diaries documenting all of my great adventures!

I've been stalking round the house armed with a torch and a fucking vacuum cleaner trying to give the cunt a damn good blowjob.

and now i'm over-tired, can't sleep, rambling bollocks and am obviously still living with a sneaky freeloading wanker.

i'm not actually queef's wife if that's where you thought that was going.
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 17:05, archived)

Lol

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 17:34, archived)

i think it's in the tumble dryer. because it definitely isn't anywhere fucking else.
turning it on for a bit. max temp.

man 1 - mouse 0

It's pretty rare, but every once in a while the squirrel catches the dog.
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 17:57, archived)

To be clear, this is the mouse posting, right?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 18:20, archived)

that's the beauty of the internet
you'll never know
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 18:23, archived)

──╔╗──────────╔╗──╔═╦═╗──────╔╗╔╦╗╔═╗
╔═╣╚╦═╗╔╦╦═╦═╦╝║╔═╣═╣═╣╔══╦╦╗║╚╬╣╚╣═╣
║═╣║║╬╚╣╔╣╬║╩╣╬║║╬║╔╣╔╝║║║║║║║╔╣║╔╬═║
╚═╩╩╩══╩╝╠╗╠═╩═╝╚═╩╝╚╝─╚╩╩╬╗║╚═╩╩═╩═╝
─────────╚═╝──────────────╚═╝
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 22:36, archived)

right. back to normal now. that's never happening again.

( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sun 20 Aug 2023, 8:37, archived)

Gotta have mouse music all night long

( broadsword, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 18:27, archived)

i like a bit of old school drum and bass sumtimes tho
it's not fair.
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 18:30, archived)

ah. mouse music. very good. i squeak what you did there.

( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:05, archived)

i didn't even mis-read what you said i'm just so wasted it took that long to think of a rodent related reply
still bit shit. like i got all round the skirting boards and everywhere else cunto has been shitting.
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:15, archived)

Just set a trap
Reece's peanut butter cups work great, apparently
( Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 18:43, archived)

fuck i didn't think of doing that! thanks!
as soon as i'm not charged off my tits and i've sobered up i was going to drive to the dole office and see if i could hire an unemployed pied fucking piper.

but yeah i'll just get a mouse trap! it seems so obvious now you've mentioned it
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:00, archived)

I think that pint of San Miguel has given me the shits

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:07, archived)

well your liver basically does the shit making and when you drink alcohol you put stress on your liver because you're poisoning it.
this makes it harder for the liver to do its job and can result in poorly formed stools. like ones from ikea.
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:12, archived)

#weirdpaleshits

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:13, archived)

#wherehasallthedriedupwhitedogpoogone?
that's genuinely the first time i've ever used a hashtag. i feel like i've been raped. by myself.
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:16, archived)

This one was like the chocolate river from Wonka’s factory

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:15, archived)

Full of annoying child actors trying not to upset Johnny Depp?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:24, archived)

Yes

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:29, archived)

Liar.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 22:10, archived)

Türd

( Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:48, archived)

Copenhagen's third-most well known doom-sludge metal band?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 19 Aug 2023, 20:41, archived)

Trotter's bar landlord really needs to clean the lines innit

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:12, archived)

He said it was all cushty

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:16, archived)

a nice cold pint
tasty? yes.

malty? yes.

cushty? no.
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:21, archived)

yeah fuck off i actually am stewart lee
and queef's wife
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:23, archived)

don't think lagers are malty much actually mate

( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:26, archived)

Queef's imaginary black wife
These days.
(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 21:10, archived)

When you say “charged off my tits…”
Please expand…
(Fucksocks Put ‘em on, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:26, archived)

ｃｈａｒｇｅｄ ｏｆｆ ｍｙ ｔｉｔｓ

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:40, archived)

Brilliant

(Fucksocks Put ‘em on, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:49, archived)

i bought some electric nipple warmers last month
and i've received my utilities bill.

so now the electrically charged nipple warmers are no longer attached to my tits
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Sat 19 Aug 2023, 19:42, archived)