b3ta.com talk
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Talk » Message 8386727

I just MacGuyvered a toothpick out of a reusable plastic straw by sharpening it to a point with my pocketknife, then removed a recalcitrant bit of salami that was stuck between my molars with the aid of a keychain torch in the mirror in a toilet cubicle.
I'm basically the Ray Mears of working in an office. AMA.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:31, archived)
When is this website going away?

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:34, archived)
Glansember

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:35, archived)
Oh no.
I just checked the Time Computer, and it says that month name is not in common use until 2487 :-(
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:42, archived)
Humming Baws

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:53, archived)
Rupert The Bear And The Humming Baws

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:07, archived)
The baws began a conference, and Rupert's baws hummed in response

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:09, archived)
...as sung by Shirley Bassey

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 16:17, archived)
Theme to Skybaws

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 17:44, archived)
Top whittling

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:36, archived)
...your honour

(piss and shit, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:37, archived)
how long was the salami in there for?

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:37, archived)
8"

(piss and shit, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:39, archived)
DICK BUTKUS

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:40, archived)

For Outstanding Services To Butkus
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:13, archived)
Any more than 30 seconds and you're gay

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:40, archived)
are those two statements related?

(piss and shit, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:43, archived)
29 seconds is heterosexual, 30 seconds is homosexual, salami insertion is a complex subject
also: time sensitive
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:15, archived)
Since lunch, so a couple of hours.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:58, archived)
you're a fat ginger loner?

(piss and shit, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:44, archived)
Ray Mears is AWESOME and I won't hear a word against him.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 9 Oct 2023, 14:58, archived)
He's a nonsense

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:27, archived)

-sens +c
(Fucksocks Put ‘em on, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:38, archived)
no you wouldn't
because your ears would be enveloped by his girth
(piss and shit, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:42, archived)
The corner of a piece of A4 would probably work just as well

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:45, archived)
The '5 sheets left' markers in rizla packets make perfect interdental toothpicks.

(I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:48, archived)
Can't remember the last time I bought a packet of skins

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 16:04, archived)
unless it gets damp and breaks off jammed between two teeth

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 16:02, archived)
No way, it was well jammed in right at the back, between two molars.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 9 Oct 2023, 16:44, archived)
I think I need a hinged knee brace
but the NHS has collapsed after a 13 year policy of managed decline and I can't get a GP appointment. What could I make a knee brace out of? I have a shed full of scrapheap challenge-worthy gubbins to work with.
(I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 15:46, archived)
You could just buy one, with the money you save by not going to a gp, I may have got that wrong

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 16:00, archived)
Looking at them now on ebay...
No idea which type to get. Seems like you can spend whatever you like from a fiver to £500...

Is this what healthcare is like in America?
(I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 16:31, archived)
Technical Lego would be the thing for this, I think. Or Meccano, if you want something a bit sturdier and more old-skool.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 9 Oct 2023, 16:56, archived)
Meccano could seriously work.
It's a pity I sold mine. Might have a few small bits left but nothing that could wrap around my leg in one piece. Damn.
(I helped save b3ta! brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 9 Oct 2023, 17:51, archived)
Gay Quears more loike

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 10 Oct 2023, 17:14, archived)