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Morning, you bunch of guffing nuns.
What’s the plan for today?
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 7:35, archived)
Think I have old skool, 1980s style Aids

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 7:52, archived)
Retro!

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:57, archived)
Hope you die soon

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:57, archived)
we're all going to die soon
don't worry about it
(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt ALONE WITH THE HAIRY AINU, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:48, archived)
oh, you know
the usual
(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:47, archived)
Gibbon-fisting followed by bridge with the Women's Institute?

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:57, archived)
No, you fucking idiot
That's only Saturdays
(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:59, archived)
Crap, I think that means I missed it two days ago.
Anyone got a spare gibbon they're not using, so I can catch up?
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:16, archived)
Sorry, I've only got a macaque

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:58, archived)
Bridge with a gibbon followed by fisting the WI
way more fun imo
(I helped save b3ta! theniwokeup has been awake since, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:07, archived)
Cornershop'szzzzzz
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:21, archived)
Oh dear
my knee has gone all wobbly. That's not good. Think I'll leave off the running for a few days. Getting old isn't fun, though it beats the alternative.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:59, archived)
Only the good die young
So that means we can infer that you're shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:02, archived)
Not sure Billy Joel song titles are the basis for a coherent philosophy
but yes, I'm shit. Alive still though.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:26, archived)
I was actually referring to the Iron Maiden song of the same name, not Billy Joel.
Alive, shit and old basically describes all of us here, so it's not like you're out of place.
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:28, archived)
Fucking hell
that's grim.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:38, archived)
i got ID'd a couple of months ago
hahahhaa you old wankers
(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt ALONE WITH THE HAIRY AINU, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:19, archived)
mind you
i was trying buying Semtex
(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt ALONE WITH THE HAIRY AINU, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:45, archived)
Yes, thinking that being ID'd is cool rather than embarrassing is definitely a young person thing.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 22:56, archived)
It's really fucking annoying when people pronounce his name as Billy Jo-El

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:29, archived)
Which pianistic singer-songwriter has a super heroic son?
Billy Jor-El!
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:38, archived)
Oh mate.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:39, archived)
Oh mate.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:40, archived)
Ω 8.

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:49, archived)
you think you're sohm smart
wow that guy is really smart
(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt ALONE WITH THE HAIRY AINU, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:49, archived)
Eaough meight.

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:53, archived)
Mark + Speight = Meight, maybe yours will hang himself in Paddington Station

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:20, archived)
Which Kryptonian scientist sent his son to Earth to escape their home planet's destruction, but didn't start the fire?
Billy Jor-El!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:39, archived)
Oh mate.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:41, archived)
Bollocks

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:15, archived)
What was the Spanish-language version of Vanessa Paradis' first hit single?
Joe el Taxi!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:42, archived)
Haha, Superman!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:00, archived)
alright LOLie Anderson

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:20, archived)
Which singer-songwriter and pianist, the angel did say, was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay?
Joël, Joël, Joël, Joël!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:24, archived)
I'm begging of you please don't take my manger

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:25, archived)
manger tout, Rodney

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:35, archived)
You may be right

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:26, archived)
It's still [Christoph] Koch and [David R.] Cole to me

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:20, archived)
Waiting for a gas safety check
Then dealing with the mental, then going to help mum and dad, then I'm back in work.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:35, archived)
I've put fresh batteries in the cat laser pointer
Aggie goes absolutely batshit mental chasing the light. It's sweet yet terrifying.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:40, archived)
I should have called Igor Vyvyan
He's been chewing the walls. Destroyed all my sponges yesterday, too.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:00, archived)
It's good to hear your farts are going to be checked to make sure they're not dangerous.

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:44, archived)
Better safe than soggy

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:00, archived)
This made me laugh

(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:46, archived)
Ffs
The mental finally got her train tickets for Saturday. She was meant to be travelling direct to Ely, because she can't remember that she has to change trains. Her son told me it was sorted, but she has to switch trains at Manchester. It took 6 attempts to explain this to her, and then she forgot. Still, I thought that at least she would be with her grandchildren.
I checked the tickets again. She's coming home Monday.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:35, archived)
Work from home but actually do DIY
because as per usual I have fuck all to do.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:05, archived)
Alright UToL

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:10, archived)
When I have nothing else to do, I also like to entertain myself by doing some Dick In Yogurt.

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:19, archived)
GEOSTORM

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:54, archived)
GEOSTORM

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:40, archived)
prolly shit on a sheep

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:55, archived)
Be sure to let us know the consistency, using the Bristol Stool Scale.
I want to know if it's so runny it stains the wool, or so hard it just bounces off, or what.
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:01, archived)
that and watching graffiti videos on 'the internet'

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:02, archived)
I can't stop watching Mike Chen videos
All those seafood buffets look amazing
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:59, archived)
I don't know him, will have a look
in other news my brother's estate just gave me £37k for my daughter, which will be hers on her 18th in two years. I emailed her saying I have some really important news for her about an inheritance and the stupid prick hasn't got in touch so she has no idea about what she has inherited. The fucking knob has her degree paid for and doesn't even know it
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:35, archived)
That's teenagers for you
Any chance you can withhold it until she's 25? I know it would pay for her degree, but she'll be a lot more sensible about money at that age
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:50, archived)
Snappin necks and cashin cheques, m8

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:27, archived)
I'll be winding my neck in, then.
Just to be on the safe side.
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:31, archived)