Pushing that cunt down the board

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 10:13, archived)

<s>board</s> japper
It's like docking but for heteros.
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 10:40, archived)

Docking but for heteros, you say?
This sounds right up my japper. Wait, I mean alley. Wait, I mean back passage. Wait, I mean do me right here and now.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 10:52, archived)

OK

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 10:49, archived)

I’m a master actor but I’ve never given myself the opportunity to elevate my poetry, my concepts, to the level of the mastery I’ve attained as an actor.
said Will Fucking Smith
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:22, archived)

imgur.com/gallery/59UpK
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:33, archived)

my poetry, my concepts, my shitcom

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:40, archived)

That one time he rhymed "boom" with "room", that was pretty masterful.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:51, archived)

I wish he'd come back, once again

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 13:03, archived)

This from the man who was in Hancock

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 13:17, archived)

A pint? That's nearly an armful!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:10, archived)

*something about an attack on stage*
edit: oh no wait, that was Tommy Cooper.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:13, archived)

What do Will Smith and Tommy Cooper have in common?
They both had an attack on stage!!!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:16, archived)

Just as well you didn't prematurely give away the punchline,
or that joke would have been completely ruined.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:41, archived)

You could say I suffer from 'premature eJOKEulation'!!!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:05, archived)

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:18, archived)

+and Salman Rushdie

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:27, archived)

For consistency, that should probably say Hadi Matar

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:34, archived)

shouldn't it also say Tommy Cooper's heart then?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:46, archived)

WELL?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:46, archived)

I have reviewed your suggestion, and can confirm that we have taken it on board.

What do Will Smith, Hadi Matar and Tommy Cooper's heart have in common?

They all had an attack on stage!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:54, archived)

alternatively

What do Chris Rock, Salman Rushdie and Tommy Cooper's heart have in common?

They all suffered an attack on stage!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:56, archived)

I'm sorry we've written a joke :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:20, archived)

This is how American sitcoms are made, isn't it?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:24, archived)

Cheers

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 18:23, archived)

Not that Hancock

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:33, archived)

the dodgy health minister?

(pick n mix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:52, archived)

thatsthejoke.gif

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 19:12, archived)

He should organise his own poetry slam
m p
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 13:55, archived)

Dear Mr Rock
I don't mean to be uncouth
But your face I will sock
If you don't keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 13:59, archived)

Are you pronouncing "uncouth" to rhyme with "mouth"
or do you pronounce it "mooth"?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:02, archived)

It's well known that Will Smith is from a little village in north-east Scotland where they pronounce it "mooth".

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:05, archived)

it's where vermouth comes from

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:28, archived)

then Woody Allen shot it and thtrapped it to hith fender

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:59, archived)

There was a young Prince from Bel Air
Who's wife didn't have any hair
When The Rock made a crack
The Prince gave him whack
Now he don't get work anywhere.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:45, archived)

There once was a b3tan named garold
Whose username rhymed well with Harold
But in limerick verse
It couldn't be worse
Because something something fuck you garold your username is shit
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:51, archived)

This is very good.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:47, archived)

Thanks Mr Trouser. I used to write poems occasionally here on /talk.
They were always well-received by a few people and just about tolerated by the rest. I might do that again.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 19:17, archived)

Alright there Kae Tempest

( brb natural fistic, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 21:39, archived)

It seems to me like he's received higher accolades for his music than for his acting,
but I struggle with basic numeracy so what would I know?

Anyway I suspect he's better at acting than anyone posting here.
( brb natural fistic, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:52, archived)

He has undeniable star power, that counts for a lot.
I think he is actually quite a reliably good actor as well. #opinions #internet
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:58, archived)

Yeah I mean, he can do all the emotions with his face on command, and remember words, and knows where the camera is.
Given that there are successful actors who cannot do any of those things I'd say Smith is doing pretty well. Dunno anything about the Master Actor criteria though. He's obviously been high on his own farts for a decade or two by now and his kids are super creepy. This is just about all I care to know about Will Smith.
( brb natural fistic, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:56, archived)

technically you've pushed more than one

(pick n mix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:52, archived)