Hi helmet's
No work til Thurs now, enjoying a relaxing Heineken in the Goose, gonna make fancy burgers for uz tea.

Not so bad. What else is not so bad? You can't say the holocaust
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 14:49, archived)

Taking a shit break at work every day so I get paid to shit.
If you're good at something, never do it for free.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:12, archived)

I've always found it weird that something like 50% of humans seem to be obsessed with their own bowel habits.
If I need a shit, I go to the toilet and have a shit. End of thought process. Weaponising it against your employer is very odd.

Unless you're literally weaponising your shit, in which case fair enough.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:27, archived)

It's not a deliberate thing, I just tend to need a shit during the day rather than in the morning or evening.
The fact that I can enjoy getting paid for it is just a happy bonus. Also this is now the most I've talked about my bowel habits in quite some time, so which of us is really obsessed with it? Think about it.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:30, archived)

You're the one telling me to think about your bowel habits.
Think about *that*.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:35, archived)

Yeah WELL MAYBE I WILL

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:36, archived)

You think about that, I'll continue to think about weaponising your own shit.
If you had access to an ultra-low temperature freezer, you could potentially sharpen it into a rudimentary stabbing object. This would introduce catastrophic infection to the victim's wound as well, so if the blow didn't kill them then the sepsis would. If you became a serial killer with this modus operandi, the tabloids would probably call you "the jobby jabber".
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:41, archived)

We had a freezer at -70°C when we were packing down Covid vaccines, but it's not here anymore.
Also I don't think the MHRA would approve of storing faecal weapons along with vaccines.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:43, archived)

Ted Bungedup

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:44, archived)

Curls Manson

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:46, archived)

Harold Shitman

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:45, archived)

Kakri

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:46, archived)

Jack the Shitter
Actually Cack the Ripper might be better
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:47, archived)

Abul Djobar

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:47, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moses_Sithole
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:48, archived)

Ed Geihhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnmmmmmmmm*plop*AAAAAHHHH!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:50, archived)

And of course, Adolf Shitler

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:50, archived)

I don't know enough serial killer names to come up with any good puns.
I've been called a poo-stabber in the past though, does that count?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:53, archived)

That's exactly what I'd expect a serial killer to say.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:58, archived)

H. H. Homo

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 18:36, archived)

Now HE was quite the character.
very creative.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 22 Jul 2025, 7:40, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8443198
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:41, archived)

Queef sub-Prime

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:20, archived)

not you

( MiseryCunt, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 17:22, archived)

Which Goose?
Edit: what's not so bad? Brixton Brewery's IPA is two 12 packs for £23 right now in Sainsbury's. I like the 330ml cans. Nice beer.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:22, archived)

Walthamstow

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:45, archived)

There's one in Fulham I gig at sometimes
the open-mic night is usually very entertaining. If the band is good, it's great, if the band is awful it can be even better!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:48, archived)

Awooga! What a rush.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 15:57, archived)

On my way to work
Which is definitely bad
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 16:01, archived)

My smeggy gunt

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 16:35, archived)

I don't think I've ever willingly drunk Heineken
at least, not since the first one
(sticklebrlcks 🍎, Mon 21 Jul 2025, 17:37, archived)