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looks like i picked the right place...
Stayed 4 nights in a double room (single occupancy). Overpriced for what I got.
Room: Shabby and not at all chic. Refurbishment decades overdue. Tatty carpets, patched bathroom flooring, wardrobe falling apart, holes in the balcony floor, dirty balcony chairs, blown window and double glazing in need of replacement, grey 1980s bathroom suite, rusty plugholes, taps with holes instead of their H&C markings, ancient curtains that didn't keep out the sunlight, I placed a chair in front the door as no inside lock. Bed was clean enough.
Restaurant: service was mostly extremely slow and my friend and I felt we were being ignored in preference for coach parties; basic breakfast had unripe bananas, cheap and nasty bread, cheap sugary yogurts, unimaginative dinner options: pasta every night for hot vegetarian option; or cheese salad. Cutlery didn't match and we didn't always have all we needed on the table (inconsistent with the next table which was never occupied). By far the most bizarre was being told no croissant allowed for anyone eating anything from the cooked breakfast menu (even when the order in question was just egg on toast)! Fixed time for meal start times. Happily skipped breakfast on the last day.
Rest of the hotel: appearance was shabby, had a small, slow lift and a weird mishmash of stairs and firedoors. There was a collapsed part of the hotel was next to the car park.
High point was the cheerful day-time receptionist and all hard-working staff, some of whom found it difficult to be nice to customers. I should mention the pool was okay (quite a trek to find it) but due to short operating hours it was not possible to use it daily. Entertainment was limited to bingo and a quiz 3 nights and 1 night a terrible singer.
Location by the Shanklin cliff lift was good. But a fairly long walk for anyone with mobility issues to get to the train station, bus station, shops or old village.
Ugh! Wish I had booked somewhere else
Trip typeHoliday · Friends
Rooms1.0
Service2.0
Location3.0
Hotel highlightsGreat view
RoomsShabby
Nearby activitiesEsplanade and Shanklin Chine
SafetyDid not feel safe in room, maze of stairs an accident waiting to happen
WalkabilityFine if you like to walk
Food and drinksBasic food, poor service
Noteworthy detailsStay elsewhere! Call in the Hotel Inspector: she'd have a field day
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MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 16:54, archived)

Trip typeHoliday · Family
Rooms2.0
Service1.0
Location5.0
RoomsBeds were very old and incompetent
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MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 16:56, archived)

i'm fucking dying over here

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MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 16:56, archived)

tl;dr

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Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 17:15, archived)

cheers

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MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 17:16, archived)

You are *Misery* Cunt, after all

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Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 17:24, archived)

booked it, packed it, fucked off with it.

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MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 17:26, archived)

That's resorts for you

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mongychops, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 17:29, archived)

the cutlery didnt match the curtains
0/5
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MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 2 Mar 2026, 18:49, archived)

"Notes from a room full of stairs"
Did not feel safe in room, maze of stairs an accident waiting to happen
Summoned manager once again, demanded to know exact timeline of impending accident
Could not unlock door in time when he knocked, damn these stairs
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