I've broken the glass and released the emergancy news link.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-18050473

This will be about as hilarious as the Orange wednesday bits before films. LOLarious for the first 8 times you hear it but it'll piss you right off if you commute on this train everyday.

What would make your journey to work better.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:45, 129 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Monday, Monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da), so good to me.
Alright, Dr Wankensteins?

I might have a day off the booze today. I did myself a proper mischief on Saturday and only got through yesterday by taking naps every few hours. I got all the way from Watford to London without noticing.

Good weekend? Anything exciting coming up this week? A chum has bought me a ticket to see uber-hippies Ozric Tentacles next week: I am rather excited. I last saw them in 1989.

Alt: I read a comparative review this morning of those diet plans where they provide all your food for you. Two of them were over £50 day. I was flabbergasted. Clearly we're hardly in the grips of the economic meltdown the media would have us believe if people are spending over £350 a week for some microwave meals and a couple of fucking cereal bars. If I had £50 a day to spend on food I'd, errr, spend it all on booze and drugs. Right kids?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 8:32, 289 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It's 9pm
Film4 or ITV4?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 13 May 2012, 20:55, 73 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Its a lazy sunday
I just finished catching up on the Bridge. So I thought I'd waste time on B3ta while waiting for the sky man.

What are you up to?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:28, 97 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

BORED!
Who else is a saturday night shut in? How can we keep ourselves entertained.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:42, 11 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It's Saturday! I call Swap Shop!
I am willing to swap six Matchbox cars for a Spectrum ZX. What are you willing to swap?

Alternately, I will swap tales of bitter disappointment for laughing and pointing.

How is everyone this fine sunny morning?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 11:03, 110 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

im seeing a lot of this gay stuff floating about on here
You load of quenders
Tell us about your fag hag/beard/fairy best friend
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:30, 44 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Thread too long
What's the best thing about your job?

ALt: what's the worst thing about your job?

Alt alt: Why do birds sing SO GAY?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:12, 116 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

BBC NEWS LINK
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18017374

I got 6/7

Alt: Weekend plans??1?!?!
(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:13, 242 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

When did you last cry?
menmedia.co.uk/manchestereveningnews/news/s/1493505_crying-manchester-city-fan-claims-his-mind-game-tv-tears-inspired-title-turnaround

This twat needs killing, if indeed he "exists", and isn't an invention of some football nonsense.

I honestly can't remember, funeral probably.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 11 May 2012, 12:45, 253 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Welcome to Rory's wake.
Please share your favourite memories of him here. Anyone who has the mad skills to make a little lion logo should probably get started. I'll get some t-shirts done, we're all 5XL yeah? well it is OT.

Alt: Where should Chompy live?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 11 May 2012, 10:41, 118 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hey! You! The Rock Steady Crew!
It is the weekend. How do you propose to spend it?

Personally I intend to spend it lost in an alcoholic fog, paeding up kids - unless of course my wife catches me 'in flagrante'. That would be terrible.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:49, 165 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alright?
What have I been missing, then?
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:09, 198 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Benders, quenders and trenders
Morning fellow genitalia (pick from a list)

Tell me about a shit day please. The worse the better. Then we can all laugh at you

Alt:
Or a great day. We will then call you a liar
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 May 2012, 6:17, 28 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Evening buffoons
Anything to report?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 10 May 2012, 19:38, 44 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hi all, my first time posting here be nice ;) xx
So does anyone have a list of animals that can or can't vomit? I tried bing.com but I gave up reading after the first result.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 May 2012, 16:51, 51 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Bored of that little bit of Drama there.
I've been reading the news just now. Shocking I know.

Anyway, if you were greek wouldn't you be fucking embarrassed that professional people can't even decide to form a government. Obviously coalitions aren't great but they're better than no government pull your finger out greece!

So do you, the informed public think Greece will leave the Euro or are you all too busy getting banned and typing rude words at each other?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 May 2012, 15:38, 121 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i can't believe rory lyon got banned
he's one of the best things about this place if not the whole internet in the world

if you could get banned why would you get banned and if you could ban someone else who and why?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 10 May 2012, 13:43, 197 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What-ho Off-Topickers
Care to vote for the next Question of the Week? IT IS HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 10 May 2012, 12:44, 29 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Regional variations
What weird terms for things have you heard from people in other parts of the country?

Barm cakes to buns, snickets and ginnels, let's see what odd things you call everyday stuff. Then we can laugh and point at you.

In Scotland, paper bags are 'pokes'. And in South Yorkshire, they used to call liquorice 'spanish'.

Alt: best toy of your childhood.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 10 May 2012, 11:59, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

First the worst, second the best, third the one with the hairy chest.
Or so perceived wisdom would have it. But is it ACTUALLY true?

Similarly did we REALLY have joy, we had fun, flicking bogies at the sun? When the sun got too hot is it REALLY true that the bogies 'turned to snot'? I doubt it, personally.

I put it to you that whilst shepherds washed their socks by night all watching BBC, the Angel of the Lord did NOT AT ANY TIME come down and switch to ITV. The whole thing was cooked up to distract attention from the MILK SNATCHING SCANDAL.

What CHILDHOOD LIES were you told? Something about noncing Lolololol!!!!!! x 10000000!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 May 2012, 10:18, 146 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So police officers will be marching in London today.
Do you agree with their protest?

Personally I would like to see them 'kettled', they've done it to others after all.

Alt: if you had to work in one of the emergency services which would you chose?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 May 2012, 7:29, 190 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeevening chumps
what's the best thing about you? Why should you be allowed to stay in the balloon?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 9 May 2012, 18:21, 97 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

people who have pissed you off today
birmingham midshires - you're all cunts

aah

alt q - whatever
( zulu eh?, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:45, 166 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What's going on with all the copycat accounts? and why are they all 8 months old(give or take)?
What happened 8 months ago?

Alt: I hate people who talk to fill silence when I am perfectly happy with some silence. What do you hate?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 9 May 2012, 14:12, 129 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Right that thread is dead.
I've been reading a lot of news about the recession recently mainly because that's the only thing that's being reported.

We need growth apparently, how would you encourage growth?

I think giving everyone above the age of 16 £200 on the diamond jubilee would be the simplest answer.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:28, 144 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So some kept breaking wind in Swipe's direction this morning.
What is the worst thing about travelling on public transport? What would you change?

Alt: if you could create another form of transport what would it be?

AltAlt: are you staring at my pint?

AltAltAlt: Why do people ask Alt questions?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:36, 133 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So this morning I have to visit the docs for my heart trace and blood test results
I am of the opinion that this is all a massive waste of time and effort.

What is your biggest waste or time and effort (b3ta and Paul King excluded)?

Alt:
My bosses are all away so I'm in charge. What new work rule should I enforce?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 May 2012, 7:10, 142 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

There is a woman with bionic legs who's just finished the London Marathon (about three weeks late)
and the news reporters are making out like it's a bad thing that they won't give her a medal.

If she wanted a medal, she should try not being crippled.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 May 2012, 18:30, 175 replies, latest was 12 years ago)