Alright mongs? What are you looking forward to today?
For me, I can't wait for 10am as that is when my mother-in-law fucks off home.

Alt: what are you dreading today?

AltAlt: Why are you such a sexual deviant? Nature or nuture?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:16, 120 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

evening shift report in for duty.
Bobby present.

Q: army, airforce, or navy?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 17 May 2012, 21:30, 66 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Is it me or is the logo on this website a bit goatse-esque
hungryhouse.co.uk/

alt: Kelly Clarkson is doing a UK tour in October, who wants to come and see her with me at Wembley?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:16, 71 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Portmanteau words.
These fucking things have really been making me ANGRY OFFLINE recently. 'Brangelina' was bad, 'Jedward' was worse, but it's really getting out of hand. 'Grexit' (Greek exit from the Euro) and fucking 'Hoffice' (home office) are two I've heard in the past couple of days. STOP IT YOU CUNTS.

Know any 'good' ones?

Alt: Perhaps something else is annoying you? What (if so) is it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:31, 208 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

News about news
it's newception.

www.guardian.co.uk/media/greenslade/2012/may/15/dailymail-dailytelegraph

I found this hilarious, because it's about reporters misreading things because they're thick.

Alt: I have £250 to give away to the person who will spend it in a interesting way, how would you spend it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 May 2012, 14:40, 106 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

LUNCH?
Alt: I don't like bread, what dietary staples do you not like?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 17 May 2012, 13:12, 165 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Adam asked me to let you know that he's actually way super cool.
(is that right fris?)

what do you think is way super cool? I like frisbee, it's awesome!

alt: what's the most you've ever eaten in one sitting?

alt alt: what question would you ask?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 11:26, 157 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

New QOTW vote
Help us choose the new QOTW: POLL HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 17 May 2012, 11:14, 8 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Have I mentioned I am going on holiday tomorrow?
Well, I am. Diving in the Red Sea. Which is well exciting and manly.

What's the best place you have ever visited?

Alt: Have you ever returned to somewhere you have holidayed and stayed in the same place again?

Apologies to those of you that have not yet been on vacation without your parents. Or are too fat to leave the house.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 17 May 2012, 10:30, 187 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Internet hardman Selcouth shoot lions when he's not white knighting Apeloverage.
www.b3ta.com/questions/sports/post1596582

What a cunt eh readers?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:50, 214 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

"Oh Fuck" moments
Or the ONO second. So far today I've had three. Unattended for five seconds, my son poured an entire box of Shreddies down the waste disposal unit (not switched on!), I've dropped a cup on my foot and the dog has pissed on the radiator.

Tell me your tales of woe please and make me feel better by laughing at your misfortune

Alt:
Or tales of unbridled joy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:08, 62 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

is gonz still about?
i need to know about hollyoaks, specifically about the brendan storyline, i haven't seen it in ages and i don't know what's going on.
alt: when was the last time you sang a national anthem and which one was it and for what event and where
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 16 May 2012, 21:33, 155 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

No, shut up, enough of that. ENOUGH.
More about me, and me asking YOU if YOU are ALRIGHT.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 16 May 2012, 18:40, 149 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So which functions withing office based software sound like songs?
I got "lock the taskbar" sounds like "Rock the Casbar" your turn!
(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 May 2012, 13:46, 171 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Mental autocrats
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17990615

If you had absolute power, how would use abuse it?

alt: I would love to "build" my own house, what big lifetime ambitions do you have?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 May 2012, 12:23, 104 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So Matko Mladic is up on trial for war crimes.
As a pinko hippy, I class war as a crime, even though my favourite reading at the moment is military history and fiction. What do you class as a crime, that actually isn't? Such as bad grammar, or moaning about the weather.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 16 May 2012, 10:40, 180 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Who is the most annoying person in your family?
What do they do that is so annoying? How would you like to punish them?

I ask this as my mother-in-law is staying with us (Mrs Battered is having day surgery tomorrow so she is looking after the baby whilst I am working) and she is annoying the hell out of me.

Alt: Should Greece leave the Euro?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 16 May 2012, 8:09, 236 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

2 night threads?
Well, little Stunned is out.

Alt: or is he in?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 16 May 2012, 0:07, 11 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Something for the evening?
We seem to be in a phase of evening dullness at the moment.

It'll change. It always does.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 May 2012, 20:02, 329 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

My birthday
This thread is about me, you lucky things.

I've been asked by a number of people what I want for my birthday.

So far I've drawn a blank, what would make a great present for me?

Alt: What are your weekend plans or something
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 May 2012, 14:55, 189 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

That's quite enough of that, I'd say. Time for a FOOD THREAD. Everyone likes those.
If Billy Ocean came round yours for supper, what would you feed him?

Alt: I've just nommed down on my own special tarka dal recipe* with a couple of poppadoms: what're you having for lunch?

Alt alt: Where was your last restaurant meal and was it any good?

*I'm happy to pass it on if anyone's interested. Anyone referring to otters will be SHOT BY ZE ESS ESS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 13:02, 123 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

so i just got a text from my friend
saying that her new boyfriend wanted a finger in the arse during sex. she had 3 questions: (i) how to do it; (ii) does this make her a slut; and (iii) does this make him gay? then some rather graphic explanation of her first attempt. i am quivering and rocking like a grandmother on speed, fucking disgusting images there.

when was the last time someone shared too much with you? what was it? how did you react?

alt: where did you meet your current or most recent partner?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:54, 203 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good morning Deacons.
Every school had at least one 'special' pupil; not quite enough of a spacker to be sent to a school for mongs, but certainly a bit of a window licker*. Who were they at your school and what strange things did they do?**

Alt: Who was better? Idi Amin or Saparmurat Niyazov?


*If you can't remember a school spacker it was probably you.

** other than my mother of course.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:15, 231 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

A tale of woe
Or: how my (now) ex-girlfriend insists that using a racist term is OK when applied with a certain meaning.

Several days ago her and I were having a conversation. I mentioned why I was looking to quit EVE (for reasons I won't go into here). This is as the conversation was ending. It went something like this:

Her: Or, he could just be shot. Like the n****r in office.
Me: What.
Her: Nothin, I don't get in a tizzy over a game. XD
Me: Did you just call Obama a n****r?
Her: Yes, yes I did.
Me: And you meant it?
Her: Mmmhm.
Me: Goodbye.
Her: Ta ta

And my ex decided to just be snippy the following day.

Her: Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive . a person of any race or origin regarded as contemptible, inferior, ignorant, etc.
Her: Just an FYI.... Since I'm racist.
Her: I wish you the best, however.

Then she signed off.

And it carried onto text messages since she obviously didn't care enough to give me a chance to respond.

Me: You called a black person a n-word. Tell me how I'm supposed to interpret that.
Her: However you wish. He is from the Phillipines, FYI. Not black.
Me: You seem quite opposed to dialogue, so I can only hope that you will consider what you're giving up by walking away. However, if you genuinely do not like black people (or even non-whites) then we have nothing more to say. I do not tolerate racists.
Her: How could I in good conciense be racist? The very people you think I hate love to make a stirr over my name. I dont care for it, and I wouldnt do it to anyone.
Her: Think before you fly off the handle. I was raised in a trailer park. Does that make me white trash? No. I will admit that I hate the president because he is
Her: Terrible at it, and I do believe that he could do better. I also hated bush, for the record.
Me: Hating the president is fine. Hell, I don't like him or Bush, but I don't use the same word to describe him. FYI, he is black. Born in Hawaii, father is Kenyan and mother is Scotch-Irish from Kansas. So you did call a black man the n-word.
Her: Happy to know you know my own stance on what a word means than I do. I am finished with this.

And that's where it ended.

So...loving a hidden racist, my previous ex cheated on me, and it goes back from there to when one of my first girlfriends in highschool broke up with me by almost assaulting me (she was schizophrenic and bipolar).

How deep does this briar patch of psycho bitches go?
(Magus Zeal reloading since, Tue 15 May 2012, 7:47, 14 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Graphics Cards
Evening everyone, long time no see.
Any techies online who could recommend an upgrade for my graphics card. I can't really afford to spend very much at all.

I'm currently using an ATI Radeon HD 4800, however, there are some shiny things that I want to play with which won't work at the moment without an upgrade. This sort of stuff is gibberish to me, but here are the minimum specs for those who care.
us.battle.net/support/en/article/diablo-iii-system-requirements

If you aren't interest in this. Tell me what you would most like to be doing this evening. Bonus points for not saying 'your mum'.

Worm
( WormuIus, Mon 14 May 2012, 20:41, 49 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Alt: teeheeheheheheehehehehehehee
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 17:37, 78 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

RORY IS FREE
From ScaryDuck tweet "He's not banned. I told him off last month, and he looks like he was heavily Mod Edited a few days ago, but he's welcome to post"

In other news lying housemates web of bullshit seems to be crashing around her feet and it's fun watching her backtrack and panic. Biggest lie you ever told?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 14 May 2012, 14:26, 309 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

This is pretty interesting; how is the internet following you?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_f5wNw-2c0
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:08, 153 replies, latest was 12 years ago)