Has everyone calmed down, yet?
just have a nice cup of tea, breathe deeply and count to 10. And check you've taken those pills

So, a question to pacify you. What do you do to chill out when you're upset or annoyed?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 13:20, 87 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Afternoon, athletes..
/JMG Edit - Better than any Mod edit.
Apparently you all now enjoy b3ta "trolling".
Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry and you wet your tie.



What's the news from the good ship Tattle-Tales?
Give us outdoorsmen an insight into current QOTW banter.

Cheers.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 12:54, 10 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Shed QOTW closed. A crap subject that resulted in it being trolled to death
Vote for new one here:
b3ta.com/board/10806365
( rob, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 12:49, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm going to a burlesque show on Friday
Have you been? Do you do it? Will I get a semi-on? Is it empowering and feminist or blatant manbait?

Alt: Lunch?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:45, 196 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

did rory delete his QOTW post
or was he modded?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:44, 22 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Question of the Week poll
HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:23, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

so my friend is marrying this rare tool
and amongst other crimes - eg he was surprised to learn he had to wear a suit. for a church wedding - he wants "the drugs don't work" for their first dance. he has been veto'd. what would be the least appropriate song for any occasion, ever?

i'm going with "stayin' alive" for a funeral.

alt: beach or pool?

altalt: have you ever dressed as a member of the opposite sex? bonus points for pics.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:04, 305 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good day to you all.
It is my firm belief that you are a fucking bender. Defend yourself or live forever in the shadow of disgrace.

I've been given a film about the Norwegian 'Black Metal' scene, which I am fully expecting to be fucking hilarious, but the term 'metal' makes me belm. You?

Alt: Hi guys! I'm really into 'metal'. And football. And 'film'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:38, 183 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Morning all
Looks like it'll be a quiet day, seeing as a lot of people on O2 can't use their phones.

alt: Should old people be banned from shopping at lunchtime?

altalt: Sheds. How are they coping with the economic downturn?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:38, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Evening nightshift
Stag do's Stag dont's, Hen nights Hen frights, what was good/bad about any you have attended.

Alt: Books that way outstrip the shitty film they based on it? (saying all of them is a cop out)

Alt Alt: It seems you can pay for manlove with Tea, what else could you use for currency and how?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 19:52, 239 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

tonight is girls night out at work
It consists of make up, handbag, and dance class reps and us trying to pretend we're cheery and awesome, but it's shit and I'm not coming.
what do your girls night/boys night consist of?

Alt fifty shades, what's the deal eh?
Alt alt what book do you want made into a movie?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 18:08, 84 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

That thread was shit.
If you could live someone else's life for a day who would you choose?

They have to be
a) a real person and
b) alive today

Alt: ur bent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:46, 228 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

That thread's getting to long. Time for a new one.
Ask your own question. I can't be bothered.

EDIT This is not an 'ask Battered' thread, so please stop asking me questions. Thanks very much.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:50, 205 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Our regulator called up and asked to speak to me, by name.
When did you last have a serious 'oh shite' moment at work?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:54, 324 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I missed the Milton Keynes thread.
You're all wrong, apart from Rory.

So Chris Moyles is leaving radio 1's Breakfast show, I bet you're all happy about that until I let you know he's being replaced by Nick Grimshaw.

What's for brunch?
Better Alt: Kickstarter is coming to the UK, what are you going to put up so that it gets loads a moneyyyy
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 11:49, 208 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So what do you reckon to Blair (allegedly) returning to domestic politics?
www.presstv.ir/detail/2012/07/11/250349/blair-faces-protest-against-his-return/

The stop the War lot think he's a twat. Agree? Disagree?
Alt, breakfast sandwiches, what'd you go for? Bacon and mushroom, thinking about it.
Alt alt, favourite hat? I got a trilby the other week, it's rarely left my head. Apart from showering and occasional sleep.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 11 Jul 2012, 10:07, 193 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hey everyone, I'm not on holiday any more.
I went to Milton Keynes yesterday, I know a lot of people like to joke about how awful it is, but really, having been there and driven through the "city centre" I have to say it really is one of the most awful, soulless, mind crushingly horrific places I have ever been to in my life.

Then as I was leaving I saw an old man running past a lake and I thought, actually, maybe it's not so bad, then I negotiated the 30th roundabout in 2 miles and realised that, yes, it was that bad.

So, other than posting the contents of your gaz box, what have you been up to the last couple of days?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 8:24, 204 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

oh dear god
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2171356/Ive-lost-7st-thanks-marathon-sex-sessions--Worlds-heaviest-women-new-way-slim-husband-says-weight-gain-makes-MORE-attractive.html

what's put you off your dinner tonight?

i'm off to a boat party now. with no undercover areas. evening plans?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 19:14, 22 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Close your gaz box, keep that shit to yourself.
So this has been the longest financial 'pinch' since the 1920's according to Radio 4. Is your bank balance noticeably shitter than it was ten years ago? Those who have joined the job market for the first time in this period, what's it been like for you?

Alt: Who was the best Doctor?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 16:44, 163 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Open up your gaz box, show and tell the class your best ones. Here's my one, although I still don't know what he's on about. Sorry about your shit shark Naked Ape
Actual response:
but just so that know (am i feeling charitable tonight or what?) in spite of the potential malice my paranoia keeps insisting on pointing out "shut up paranoia, there's only room for so many voices in here", this is pretty much how i feel about the last few weeks or whatever here on /qotw.
shambo took a dislike to me yonks ago voicing my displeasure at him being all trolly.
I was probably being a boring, medicated, drunken toss-pot.
He was doing his thread-deleting and editing/re-posting trick and I called him out on it is all. He then spent time and effort stalking me and raking up whatever personal info he could find about me and gazzed it to me (clearly trying to impotently menace me).
I politely (obviously in hindsight a mistake on my part) gazzed him back asking for a change of tack but all he could manage as a response was to post highly edited versions of my gazzes (i think pm means private or personal message?) on /talk.
Which is probably bad forum form?
And then one thing led to another.
I commented to another poster, in a later thread that the french phrase they had posted lacked, to my knowledge, a definite article and shambo disagreed strongly. considering his recent form, I responded in the manner I saw fit and he got utterly wanky with me. apparently his mrs is french and he has access to t'internet and is "fluent" in french himself and has a few french dictionaries in the house so obviously he (and only he) can be right. yeah, whatever. i've got hand-me down french dictionaries, novels, technical manuals and all other sorts of stuff too, from my sister (st andrews' 2:1hons french) however he tangented (is that even a word?) rather splendidly and, ignoring the fact that my source (not my sister in this case cos my sister barely uses her french these days, but a good pal: French father, Vietnamese mother, 54yoa (55?) professional translator for 30-odd years, very dear friend, never shagged her or got bumhole pictures. She never paid my mortgage either but I must owe her about a thousand jars of rillettes by now) had merely commented that in her freelance professional world (some academic, a little eu, but mainly publishing and industrial stuff) that the form without the definite article was generally perceived as an indication of yokelness. She did not (nor I) ever suggest that it was not an acceptable form, merely that it was a bit yokelish.
He backed up his rant with google stats (but what exactly were the search criteria?) whereas my point was based on discussion with an individual who knew intimately the texts from whence the phrase originated.
and that was about that until i got naughty stepped for waging a war on shambo. fuck it, i was in the mood for a rumble, i guess that's what happens when you knock the meds on the head!
but he's still at it. i guess it pays to be buddies with jonti and cr3?
incidentally there never were any bumhole pictures, not with her nor wbm/rts either :(

and there you have it, i guess.
thanks for listening and goodnight,
Al
( blaireau69 is the yardstick you measure cunts by., Thu 26 May 2011, 02:24, ignore, delete, archive, reply)
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 14:26, 319 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

have you ever been stalked? had a crazy ex girlfriend or boyfriend?
this is probably worse: www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-18778414
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 13:49, 92 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

New thread, I guess.
So the Olympics haven't started yet, but I'm already fed up with people waving flags and endless Facebook posts about some minor celebrity running through their shit town holding a burning metal Cornetto.

What are you looking forward to being the fuck over?

Alt: If you have something to look forward to, what's that then?

Or just talk about food you boring fatties.

PS: It's OK, Monty, I think Poppet's gone to bed. You can stop hiding now.
( Kroney, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 13:46, 33 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Shameless beakering thread
Favourite band of all time? Did you ever see them live? If so, was it everything you hoped for? If not, what do you reckon the chances are of them reforming?

I'll answer this last point on Monty's behalf; fucking slim.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 11:50, 195 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Great news. We have a new thread.
Check this out:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Cornflakes

Cool, eh? And there was me thinking 'Operation Cornflakes' referred to Nakers' VD treatment.

Alt: Shit off.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:55, 127 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Great news. We may have a new Raoul Moat.
Introducing Peter Reeve. One copper dead already.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-18778574

What's caused you great excitement recently?

Alt: Ian Huntley. Is he as bad as people make out?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 7:18, 287 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So, I was hesitant to post this for obvious reasons, but am going to anyway.
I am coming home next month for my stepdads 60th (surprise!)birthday. We'll be in Hull from August 17th-20th, London from the 23rd-26th. If anyone wants to meet "the real me", let me know.
(nolongernuts, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 2:22, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Evening Crew, Holla!

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 20:19, 49 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Right, shut up, yeah? Seriously, can it.
I'm running a fucking monstrous report which will take about half an hour so I'm somewhat on my arse for that time.

Best use of half an hour?

Alt: I bought my kid a lovely Bagpuss card today, turns out Oliver DANIEL (thanks Freefair) Postgate is coat-tailing on the works of his own dead dad and doing paintings of his classic 70s characters, the little cunt. Not since Ziggy Marley and Julian Lennon has such a shameless cash-in been attempted. Know any similar disgraces?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 16:34, 197 replies, latest was 12 years ago)