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# Gay marriage
This is the second email I've received from someone thinking I'm a conservative MP (I have the exact same name). I really need a witty reply to send these people.
'I HAVE SUPPORTED YOU AND YOUR PARTY FOR MANY YEARS AND WITH REGARD TO TODAYS VOTE REGARDING SAME SEX MARRIAGE I AM COMPLETELY GOB SMACKED.I WAS BROUGHT UP IN A CHRISTIAN FAMILY BY MY PARENTS AND STILL FOLLOW THE FAITH TODAY,I CANNOT BELIEVE THE PM IN BACKING THIS BILL. AS I HAVE STATED I HAVE ALWAYS VOTED FOR YOU IN FACT YOU HAVE DOOR KNOCKED MY HOUSE BEFORE BY I WILL SAY THAT MY FEELINGS ARE THAT STRONG AGAINST THIS BILL IF THE PM PUSHES IN TROUGH I WILL NEVER VOTE BLUE AGAIN IN MY LIFE TIME'
(Erdos, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:26, archived)
# send them roses
then fuck the shit out of them on valentines day ;-(
(I helped save b3ta! d d, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:30, archived)
# there's a cake shop here that refused to make a lesbian couple a wedding cake!!!
he was on the news quoting leviticus!!!!!!!! his stupid shop is going to get vandalised!!!! yipeeeee
(I helped save b3ta! d d, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:31, archived)
# I found this on my fb wall this morning,.
despite being so well written, it didn't stay there very long.
www.b3tards.com/u/58319feb79071f85934d/briancox.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:48, archived)
# hahah,hah
nice friends you got :p
(I helped save b3ta! d d, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:52, archived)
# had
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:54, archived)
# cha-ching!
i managed to delete everyone who posted shit about gun control after our little shooting spree marathons the other month. it feels good to just drop those people.
(I helped save b3ta! d d, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:59, archived)
# To be fair I have 2 fb pages
one is just for my band and comedy and one for family and close friends. This was on the first one.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:06, archived)
# oh dear.
and the proof of god is?
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:10, archived)
# churches an that
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:14, archived)
# the same as the tooth fairy
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:16, archived)
# I'll vote for god if he gives me all the 10ps he owes me from the 70s
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:20, archived)
# well i'm sold.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:20, archived)
# About 200, I reckon
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:20, archived)
# New ALCOGOD!
Just one sip of this amazing new spiritual liquid will take you one step closer to God. For best results consume at 5pm in a playpark on Hayling Island. Get Raptured!
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:23, archived)
# * Do not drink if pregnant. Do not drive or operate machinery for a 24 hour period afterwards. Will cause total liver failure within 4 seconds of consumption.
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:28, archived)
[challenge entry] wow, fucking perfect timing for me to pop this here
NSFW
(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:33, archived)
# i think it is safe for work
(I helped save b3ta! d d, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:34, archived)
# that's because you work in a gay fuck factory
lololol
(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:34, archived)
# you might think thats a "sick burn" - but i love my job.
so, eat that, i guess
(I helped save b3ta! d d, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:37, archived)
# i'm envious
(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:41, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:58, archived)
# oh god
well done, sir
(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:03, archived)
# hahaha
proper
(Zoidaroid, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:46, archived)
# hahaha
(Zoidaroid, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:45, archived)
#
Just send them back replies pretending to be this MP.

along with pictures of cocks (three pubes per ball) and "I LOVE DC" hearts and shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Saner, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:38, archived)
# How about
"Suck my big fat hairy cock you flange-monkey - Regards, *Your Name*, MP"
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:41, archived)
# I second this
:D
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:53, archived)
# PM pushes in trough, he obv needs to do way instain mother
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:45, archived)
# maybe his leg had just grow
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:04, archived)
# mind piss
*gets mop*
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:05, archived)
# maybe her leg just grow back
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:04, archived)
# I don't get it - what have you photoshopped?
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:54, archived)
# Created in GIMP
(MrCanoehead Marzipaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 13:45, archived)
# Why not invite them to your surgery on Hampstead Heath to discuss the matter?
Tell them to bring their own choice of flavoured lube.
(I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 9:55, archived)
# send a reply
stating that you are not the MP, but that their name has been added to a list of homophobic religious zelots to be distributed across the interwebs.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:07, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! hekim 66 ɐŹ‡Ęš’ ŹžÉ”nā„² uooW, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:10, archived)
# did your MP vote in favour then?
cos if he didn't, not only is your correspondent a bigot, he's an imbecile as well

fancy that
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:19, archived)
# He was very publicly against
So yes, this guy's am imbecile.
(Erdos, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 10:32, archived)
# hahahaha!
cock
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 11:25, archived)
# Crikey.
Tell them that Jesus would vote a left wing government because he was a liberal namby pamby.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 11:08, archived)
# send them this link
hahgay.com/
(UTB, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 12:30, archived)
#
"Dear Constituent,

"Not only am I not your MP, your MP actually voted against the motion, so contacting him concerning this is somewhat futile and suggests you're a bit silly.

"Yours,

"Erdos.

"P.S. Your Caps Lock key appears to be stuck. This is often the result of ejaculating on your keyboard after watching too much pornography and not cleaning it sufficiently afterwards. A large amount of pornography on the internet is, in fact, gay pornography. Statistical analysis therefore leads me to conclude that there is a reasonable chance that you are, in fact, a closet homosexual with a penchant for watching homosexual pornography online, and somewhat questionably cleaning habits. I advise 'coming out of the closet' and investing in a few cleaning cloths and universal cleaning spray."
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 12:36, archived)
#
+ Now you can get married legally.

(I helped save b3ta! Saner, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 12:59, archived)
# HIS ASS!
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 14:10, archived)
# WAILAAPOYE?
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 14:32, archived)