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# i need your help
today i started a project.
a foul project.
a project so evil, it should be given to paul daniels.

it is...
..to create the worlds most offensive flash-music video.

so, what really offends you people. i mean REALLY offends you?
(pissycocks GIRAFFETASTIC!, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 7:42, archived)
# umm, i'm not sure how helpful this is, but...
- cheese strings
- people with "attitude"
- excessive use of the word "baby" in a song (unless it's a reference to baby eating, in which case it's fine)
- popup ads (surely the irritation these cause is only negative advertising?)
- musical ringtones
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 7:54, archived)
# the 'usability professional' I sat next to on the train this morning.
So obviously worked in the web, it hurt to look at him. Reading Create Online, wearing brown nylon trousers, a yellow shirt and a parker. Thick black rimmed glasses. If all of the above didn't shout 'IRRITATING CLICHÉ' enough, it was the bag he was holding with 'usability proffesional' embroidered on it, that gave his profession of choice away. I dunno. Just made me frown.
But hey, I'm over it now.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 8:04, archived)
# Fiver says
he hangs out in Hoxton.
(james, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 9:18, archived)
# City Thamslink.
that's where he got off. I nearly dragged him back - I thought he shoulda hung on at least till farringdon/Clerkenwell. Foolish man.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 9:25, archived)
# He obviously
doesn't realise his destiny.
(james, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 9:53, archived)
# This :
(twelveways, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 7:57, archived)
# Now THERE'S a candidate
for a face monkey if ever I saw one!
(I helped save b3ta! witchy is covered in BEES, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 10:24, archived)
# Things that offend me
at the moment:

Advertising executives, tax, garages, people who run over ducks with lawnmowers, english licencing laws.
(I helped save b3ta! mrbrong, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 7:58, archived)
# mine
-excessive exclamation marks
-kids who own pit bulls on string
-jim davidson
-michael moore
-trendy bars
-petty clients
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 7:58, archived)
# What offends me?
TV ads where people kiss babies' arses. A lot.
Jamie Oliver's idiot face gurning at me from every flat surface in the country.
Old people still having sex.
Old people taking ages to put their shopping away in front of me at the Tesco checkout.
(A combination of the previous two would be up there too.)
And photos of recently deceased/injured people like those at rotten.com (man blows head off with shotgun, man loses most of face in motorcycle accident, etc.)

(I helped save b3ta! CarlosTheJackal, protector of innocence, taker of liberties, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 8:19, archived)
# Carlos
Are you really me? You got the order right too. Except you missed out people who ring me up at tea-time trying to sell me crap.
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 9:27, archived)
# TheWife: Me? You?
Seems somewhat unlikely that I'm you. I'd have noticed, wouldn't I?

I have visions of the nation's pederasts all sat at home, watching three-hour videos filled entirely with 30-second baby-porn arse-fondle stomach-churn footage disguised as palatable TV just coz Hugh Sodding Laurie does the voice.

Um.

Time for a sit down, I think (perhaps with the ubiquitous nicecupoftea?).
(I helped save b3ta! CarlosTheJackal, protector of innocence, taker of liberties, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 9:51, archived)
# Kissing babies bottoms is so wrong
I havenever, ever kissed anywhere near my kids bottoms. Have you seen what comes out of them. Yeuch.
You are so right. And it is time for tea!
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 9:59, archived)
# Annoying me at the moment are:

words that start with e (eBusiness, eAI).
the rude boys who through chicken bones into my front garden.
British weather.
South West Trains
(james, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 8:54, archived)
# i am annoyed by
-mods on a power trip ( dont worry, not on these boards :) )
-electrocute the monkey banners
-tripod/geocities/angelfire etc (free web space but no external links to files)
-People always asking how to post pictures, even when on the same page is the answer
-BT
-The lack of food in my house
-unfunny comedies
-sex ebits (newsletter) (don't ask)
-50 sircam virus emails flooding into my inbox every day, then having to dl them all.
(Lazarus, Tue 8 Jan 2002, 9:55, archived)