b3ta.com board

Home » Messageboard » XXX » Message 2752208 (Thread)

Wash your hands or go to hell!!!

It's hard work being 'CLEAN'......
.......LEV 15:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When any man hath a running issue out of his flesh, because of his issue he is unclean.(e.g snot, spunk, blood etc.)
It says touch the person, their clothes, their bed, or sit where they've sat and you have to have a bath and wash your clothes and you still won't be 'clean' until the evening. Also anything used by the 'unclean' has to be washed any plate or mug however has to be smashed. (LEV 15:12 And the vessel of earth, that he toucheth which hath the issue, shall be broken: and every vessel of wood shall be rinsed in water.) That could get expensive!
It gets worse. Once your cold/period/whatever has stopped you have to wash for a week. Then you have to burn 2 turtledoves (or two young pidgeons) at the altar. The RSPB will love that!
Shot your muck? LEV 15:16 And if any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even. To be fair you should clear up and at least wash your hands but if you want to be 'clean' it's bye bye to quickies! Oh yeah and whoever you did the horizontal tango with has to wash and be 'unclean' til the evening.
This is the best one. LEV 15:19 And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. This could have its good site 'Sorry I wont be in this week the red flag's flying.' but basically you've got to hide for a week and for heavens sake don't have sex....
......LEV 15:24 And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.

Yikes!! Good job I'm not a beleiver

(drownkitty, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:23, archived)

whaa

you expect me to read that? Just give me the gist of it

edit: fuck, superlurker

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:25, archived)

jesus

tapdancing christ!

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:27, archived)

skis!

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:28, archived)

and

defecating.

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:28, archived)

while

being crucified

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:29, archived)

by midgets

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:30, archived)

with a toy

hammer and paper nails

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:31, archived)

and giblets

from a chicken.
and stuff.

(

meak is going to inherit the earth, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:31, archived)

thats

still alive

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:33, archived)

onto

a balsa wood cross

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:31, archived)

that

has woodworm

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:32, archived)

and an inner

ear infection.

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:35, archived)

and

live an igloo

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:38, archived)

with sheep

called barbara

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:38, archived)

and an

elephant named Hubert

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:41, archived)

who

is gay

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:42, archived)

not that there's

anything wrong with that.

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:43, archived)

but

he still has feelings for Barbaras

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:44, archived)

who is sectretly

his mother

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:44, archived)

and

his father

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:46, archived)

who he

raped last night

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:47, archived)

while

being asleep

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:48, archived)

and having a

wet dream.

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:50, archived)

but ran

away to become a lunatic in the morning

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:50, archived)

so he went to India.

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:51, archived)

which

is where the Spanish live

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:52, archived)

with

their flan and hats

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:53, archived)

that

break 17 international laws

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:55, archived)

so interpol comes

and destroys their vcr's

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:57, archived)

but

leaves the badger alone

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:59, archived)

but not the

piglet

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 16:00, archived)

which

actually died a couple of years ago

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 16:01, archived)

and now smells like

elizabeth taylor.

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 16:03, archived)

which

is why the removal men took it away

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 16:06, archived)

to their

spaceship

(

cntrlv, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 16:18, archived)

It's

not my fault the kangaroo was drunk...

(

Steak the weegie: I though I had gone?!?!?!?!?!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:43, archived)

but it was you

who gave him the peyote.

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:44, archived)

And then three wise men came

on her tits

(

Steak the weegie: I though I had gone?!?!?!?!?!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:45, archived)

with gold

frankenscence and mhyr

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:45, archived)

and apple pie

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:46, archived)

but not too

much, for that would make baby jesus cry.

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:48, archived)

especially if it's from

macdonalds

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:49, archived)

or applebee's

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:50, archived)

or spain

which is where the spanish live

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:51, archived)

and

where the frogs go to die

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:51, archived)

and often wear hats

that are of a NSFW nature

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:52, archived)

but only

when the temperature is right

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:53, archived)

indeed a perfect 34.2 degrees

celcius

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:54, archived)

which only

happens when the camel dances

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:55, archived)

and is where flan

is made

(Armer Farmer, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:52, archived)

and

then he never would have become SuperJesus

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:50, archived)

and then

kissed joseph's great big fucking huge starfish

(

Steak the weegie: I though I had gone?!?!?!?!?!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:47, archived)

what

are you trying to say?

(drownkitty, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:38, archived)

that they love you.

(

Tiggy Twitchin', Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:46, archived)

ahh

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:49, archived)

here you go:

Being lev says, clothes, theyve and, a, the used be, to, smashed, which wood that, stopped, to two altar shot copulation fair hands, be with, be this, lev, days be could youve flowers, shall, days he .

www.sargant.com/lazy.php

(

dipdapdop, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:28, archived)

I read that

and I thinks the passage is about copulation levs and flowers

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:30, archived)

You'll be one of those people then...

The ones that spend more time online talking about the existence of God than people who believe in him - What? God? He doesnt affect my life! I've written eight websites and three books about how little i'm bothered about him!

(LovingIt!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:25, archived)

yeah, but it also says that we don't have to do the washing up

"Also anything used by the "unclean" has to be washed any plate or mug however has to be smashed"

(

meak is going to inherit the earth, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:25, archived)

I'm still

on level 15.1

(

Steak the weegie: I though I had gone?!?!?!?!?!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:28, archived)

LEV???

Thats where it is in the bible (so u know I didn't make it up not that u care)

(drownkitty, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:35, archived)

Yeah ok.

Do you have any walkthroughs / cheats?

(

Steak the weegie: I though I had gone?!?!?!?!?!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:38, archived)

hohoh

give this man a badge

edit: if it's not a man give her a different badge

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:39, archived)

That says Gouranga?

Be Happy!

(

Steak the weegie: I though I had gone?!?!?!?!?!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:42, archived)

Cheats?

Thats the talk of the devil mwu ha ha

(drownkitty, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:40, archived)

Biblebashing Fun

Yeah it's got it's up side's it says I should only work two weeks a month (1 week off for my period and 1 to have a bath) I don't normally think about it but I read this : cgi.benwatson.net/cgi-bin/maa_sjoke.cgi?10677 and looked up the chapters to see if it was true scary stuff

(drownkitty, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:32, archived)

The Bible also says

Piss off, cunt.

Well, in a gist it does.

(Quatermass and teh Shit, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:27, archived)

thread waste

un shopped bollox

(

harpski, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:28, archived)

Are you like the

opposite of a Jehovas witness or something, going around trying to make people not believe in God?

(

The Neville What what what, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:28, archived)

he's posted ONE message in 175 days

and he chose to post THIS?

(

meak is going to inherit the earth, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:29, archived)

Maybe

Maybe he deletes all his messages when they scroll off the bottom

(LovingIt!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:30, archived)

does that work?

(

meak is going to inherit the earth, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:31, archived)

theory it should

(

anythingbutthisactually, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:32, archived)

am fucking filthy

(

spacefish bong!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:28, archived)

tj: anyone at the bash last night? remember

who won my salt-dough cow/pig?

(

stevierar, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:29, archived)

slim did, if i recall (it's a bit of a fuzzy recollection)

and yes, he loved it

(

spacefish bong!, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:31, archived)

hoooooooooray!

*giggles with glee*

(

stevierar, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:32, archived)

Yay

I loved the look of that, from the photographic record of it. I wish I could have gone just to see it, arf.

(

useful_idiot, Sat 14 Feb 2004, 15:44, archived)