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# What's the opposite of masturbate though?
Exacerbate?
(I helped save b3ta! Sheep!, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:02, archived)
# intrabate.
it's when you push the jizz back up your japsy.
(I helped save b3ta! urbane legend i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:02, archived)
# how does it smell?
(I helped save b3ta! Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:05, archived)
# delicious.
just ask your mum
(I helped save b3ta! urbane legend i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:05, archived)
# You don't want to know the answer to that,
honestly.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:02, archived)
# Ann Widdecombe.
(imnotplayinganymore Like a rock. Like a planet., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:03, archived)
# It's where you move your hand down and up
instead of up and down.

If done correctly you should immediately suck all sperm within a 6 foot radius back up your urethra.
(I helped save b3ta! Yeknom. Incontinence and Premature ejaculation? Easy come, easy go., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:03, archived)
# My first stroke is usually a down though.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:07, archived)
# weirdo
(imnotplayinganymore Like a rock. Like a planet., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:07, archived)
# You honestly start with an up?
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:08, archived)
# everyone does!
you're a weirdo and a pervert and you're doing it wrong and nobody will ever love you if you carry on and it might fall off and you'll go blind and dogs will bark when you walk past and you'll be able to see through otters but they won't like it and pigeons will eat your thoughts and you'll never fully understand the allure of tennis and every time you tell a joke people will laugh but they'll secretly be thinking "that's not funny".
(imnotplayinganymore Like a rock. Like a planet., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:13, archived)
# At least they'll laugh at my jokes then,
they don't at the moment.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:14, archived)
# babies will cry
kittens will bleed from their left paw and the clouds will turn upside down and inject their rain into the sky the cliffs of dover will look burberry if you squint at them (which you will) and old ladies will feel slightly uncomfortable if they're left alone with you the sound of a french (or belgian) accent will make you feel strangely melancholy and coco the coco pops monkey will start to look attractive.
(imnotplayinganymore Like a rock. Like a planet., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:17, archived)
# I'll still start with a down though.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:18, archived)
# forty years of darkness, earthquakes volcanoes
dogs and cats living together
MASS HYSTERIA
(I helped save b3ta! urbane legend i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:20, archived)
# ARGH! Mass hysteria!
KILOGRAMS! KILOGRAMS! KILOGRAMS! OUNCES? STONES! POUNDS! KILOGRAMS! METRIC TON!
(imnotplayinganymore Like a rock. Like a planet., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:21, archived)
# DENSITY HYSTERIA!
VERY DENSE! REALLY NOT VERY DENSE! KINDA IN THE MIDDLE, YOU KNOW, SORT OF SPONGY! DIFFERENT KINDS OF DENSITY.
(I helped save b3ta! urbane legend i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:23, archived)
# ORANGEY! REAL GENUINE ORANGEYNESS!
WELL MORE MANGOEY REALLY! THINKING ABOUT
IT! BUT STILL VERY MUCH ORANGEY!
DEFINITE ORANGEY SUBSTANCE DELIVERED
TO YOUR DOOR, WELL NOT YOUR DOOR,
BUT THE BEHIND THE LARGE POT NEAR YOUR DOOR!
ORANGEY MANGO! MANGO ORANGEY ARTICLE!
(I helped save b3ta! monkdagola but how do you TURN a phrase?, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:30, archived)
# You hear that?
That's the sound of a thousand of male b3tards the world over collectively reaching for their cocks to see which way they start with.

I'm an up, by the way
(I helped save b3ta! Albert the Mildly Deranged purveyors of nothing much since a year or two ago, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:11, archived)
# seriously, why an up?
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:12, archived)
# I'm a down
I'm amazed anyone would start with an up, unless they'd been circumcised
(I helped save b3ta! Milkman Dan, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:14, archived)
# I did think circumcision would make people start with an up.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:15, archived)
# well I'm off to bed
to sleep, not to test theories, you understand
(I helped save b3ta! Milkman Dan, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:16, archived)
# Or
wake up with a start.
(Nash Odyssey is a nasty, nasty man (or possibly woman), Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:26, archived)
# I guess it depends on where you grip
Maybe I'll try down. Who knows, I might like it!

/edit - And I reckon we've now done a pretty good job of scaring off *every single woman* from the board. Gay shift ahoy!
(I helped save b3ta! Albert the Mildly Deranged purveyors of nothing much since a year or two ago, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 1:19, archived)