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# I stuck a screw right through my palm.
I am trying to get hold opf the doctor to find out about tetanus, but they won't answer.
(I helped save b3ta! LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:10, archived)
# If you find you can't open your mouth
You've got it.
What else do you need to know?
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:11, archived)
# *opens mouth*
Oh!

I can't believe i fell for that, you dirty mare!
(I helped save b3ta! LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:15, archived)
# Neigh, surely you didn't!
Was the screw rusty?
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:16, archived)
# Tetanus is never there when you need him

'ning
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:11, archived)
# call NHS live or whatever it's called down South (NHS 24 up here)
they'll offer you comprehensive out of hours service and equity of access for all of your health informational needs.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:14, archived)
# Yes,
but they don't know what jabs I have had (and nor do I)
(I helped save b3ta! LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:15, archived)
# well - the wonderful new electronic patient record system is bound to sort that out at a reasonable cost, on time and on budget
HA HA HA HA H AH HAHA HA HA HA HAAHHHHHHHAHAHA
*dies*

*invests in Accenture*
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:17, archived)
# haha
"Databases to solve all problems, ever"
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:21, archived)
# But presumably
they can't give you a tetanus jab over the phone?
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:17, archived)
# they just scare the tetanus out of your body
over the phone by making loud noises.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:18, archived)
# I called earlier
Tetanus is out but you can leave a message in the tobacconist's next door
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:15, archived)
# What do you want to know?
My missus is off sick today so I can pass on your medical questions. :P
(I helped save b3ta! Hamster Trippin' aka Mr. Titts, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:24, archived)
# Have I had all my jabs?
(I helped save b3ta! LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:31, archived)
# If you can't remember having tetanus
Go and have it. Best thing all round, although I doubt you'll get tetanus from a screw unless it's rusty and has been lying around in horse muck for three years.
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:34, archived)
# Yes, this
Best to have it just in case.
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:37, archived)
# It was a screw who held a tiled sheet of chipboard to my kitchen wall,
but it has been in the back of a van full of cow shit, it has been in there with old soil pipes (so human poo) and it was thrown on the floor at a traveller camp whilst I unloaded the rest of the van and also on the floor at the tip before I threw it onto the pile.
(I helped save b3ta! LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:50, archived)
# GO AND GET A JAB!
:O
(I helped save b3ta! Hamster Trippin' aka Mr. Titts, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 11:52, archived)
# Tetanus isn't the only thing to worry about then
Last time I looked at the advice it was: if you have a dirty wound and haven't had a booster in the last five years or can't remember your vaccination status you should see your doctor.

Washing the shit out of the wound is a good starting point, but I imagine you've done that.
(I helped save b3ta! foop, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 12:14, archived)
# try savlon.
SAVLON HEALS ALL!
(I helped save b3ta! - D - SharkTrousers, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 12:17, archived)