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Very nice!

Really great style, reminds me a lot of the little comics like the Beano I used to read as a kid. The tree's got a great 70s book illustration feel to it too.

I'm not really making myself understood, but HEY! Morning all.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 9:51, archived)

nings Capn

today I am having to deal with idiots

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 9:59, archived)

Hah, I do that every day.

What kind of idiots?

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:01, archived)

Idiots who have been asked to proofread

but who have never heard of the word 'lasso' or the phrase 'a going concern'

I despair

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:05, archived)

Oh bloody hell.

Hire me, I'll do it *gets her pencil out*

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:06, archived)

*hires*

not only do they not know these phrases, they suggest that they are in fact typos - and they recommend replacements which make absolutely no sense

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:10, archived)

This is what you get for hiring people purely because

they've got quite funky socks.

I'd be better for you. Plus I'm jinglyjangly today so you'd hear me coming.

ARRIVING.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:11, archived)

I didn't know you were pierced

*nods downwards*

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:14, archived)

Hah, I used to be.

But I did mean my *counts* 16 bracelets.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:16, archived)

all attached to a piercing

*nods downwards*
*eyes raised in wonderment*

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:25, archived)

JINGLY JANGLY!

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:27, archived)

you're a fine and tallented woman

and no mistake.

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:28, archived)

You KNOWS it.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:40, archived)

I think the merits of the person in question don't extend to funky socks

she's possibly one of the most naively dim people I've ever met

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:17, archived)

isn't that grounds for dismissal in a job where you need to be

worldly and knowledgable?

isn't it fairer to say 'listen, pet, you're not owwa good at this. You might want to think about trying harder or getting another job'? That way - she doesn't labour on for ages thinking she's good at a job she's not good at.

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)

I am going to suggest this to her manager

in CAPS

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:23, archived)

you should use bold red letters

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)

*reinstalls Comic Sans*

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)

Tell her to go and get some skyhooks.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)

what, pray tell

does one replace the typo of "lasso" with?

I am intrigued, but do not wish to subscribe to their newsletter as it will be full of grammatical and spelling errors.

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)

Laissez-faire?

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)

as thrown by ambivalent cowboys

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:20, archived)

*fling*

*sigh*
*wanders off*

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:22, archived)

not quite brokeback mountain is it

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:23, archived)

Bend over.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:24, archived)

how high?

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)

how high is a chinaman

(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:35, archived)

normal height of 5ft 10"

on stilts, 3ft 2"

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:39, archived)

Any word can be replaced with the words

'throbbing wankshaft' ... it's the universal filler.

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:20, archived)

that would make for an interesting 200 page technical document

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:21, archived)

it was from an article titled thus:

original phrase:
[large corporation] lassoes nearly 5000 customers in first quarter

suggested new phrase:
[large corporation] loses nearly 5000 customers in first quarter

which I would say is a fairly major error of comprehension

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)

*massages bridge of nose*

Have you got anything to hit her in the face with? Light plastic chair?

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:28, archived)

fuck that's retarded

still, I suppose it's exactly retarded in that it's precisely the opposite of what was meant

there's some value in that maybe

(straws, clutching)

how much are these twits being paid to fail in the subtle understanding of basic English?

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:28, archived)

£27,000

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:31, archived)

O_O

then I presume that this job actually requires some level of qualification above nvq 1 in opening envelopes

I read about too many mongs getting paid too much to do their jobs badly and it's usually followed with how other people who do their jobs properly fix the mess

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:36, archived)

this is why my company makes no money

because it pays idiots totally disproportionate salaries

*includes self in analysis*

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:39, archived)

introspection is pointless

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:41, archived)

oh well, she sounds like she's got a great career in management ahead of her

salary will be doubled within 5 years...

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:43, archived)

*nods*

*gestures to self sorting out yet another overpaid client's muck up.*

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:40, archived)

*offers hug and portion of impending breakfast*

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:44, archived)

Oooh yes please.

I might go on a cookie hunt soon. There's bound to be some, first day of the week in an office with about 70% women.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:45, archived)

makes note to save some of the beans/egg/bacon/lorne sausage/tomato mixture

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:48, archived)

Bokeage

bleurgh beans.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:49, archived)

more beans for me!

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:50, archived)

Christ.

I DREAM of earning that much.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:38, archived)

you'd do a much better job of it

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:41, archived)

Well if an opening ever arises

do let me know, I'm good with grammar (well, essentially. I had a bit of a problem with possessive apostrophes due to my stupid primary school)....

I bet you need qualifications though, yes?

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:42, archived)

haha - this company is run almost entirely on nepotism

I'm so totally not qualified for my job

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:45, archived)

\o/

yay!

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:46, archived)

heh

I just worked it out - there's:

me
my sister
my girlfriend
my girlfriend's friend
my sister's friend
my sister's friend's brother
my sister's friend's brother's girlfriend
my sister's friend's ex-boyfriend
my sister's friend's ex-boyfriend's sister

I think that's it

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:50, archived)

that must make going to work after an argument interesting

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:54, archived)

Quick, marry me or something.

Don't worry, you don't have to consummate.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:47, archived)

Woo

And a small yay

So how did she get the job?

Ning awl BTW

(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:30, archived)

nice tits?

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:31, archived)

oh ho

Proper interview technique
1. lace fingers together
2. place hands behind head
3. Walk forward
4. if elbows touch wall first - fail

(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:33, archived)

but what about the version of this for women?

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:40, archived)

This got an office lol

Followed by 10 minutes of despairing for the state of humanity.

I'll do the proofreading for you! I'll charge £5k, and do it in my spare time.

It's how I spend my evenings anyway.

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Thinker, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:49, archived)

Ningles,

Pringles?

*offers the crisps which are a by-product of the petrochemical industry*

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:03, archived)

NOM!

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:04, archived)

ARG

my hand! my beautiful hand - it's been bitten off!!!

I wish now that I spent more time learning the piano :(

my only regret is that I had my hand bitten off.

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:04, archived)

*chews happily whilst brood drips down her chin*

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:05, archived)

*reminds self of this: www.b3ta.com/board/7978259 *

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:07, archived)

There's something about the first bite

of a nice rare steak, when the blood fills your mouth.

Very primal, methinks.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:09, archived)

*salivates

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lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)

Yes, I want steaky now.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:22, archived)

Whisky is nice

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:10, archived)

better than that Whisky is all of the ACENESS

and it's good that it gets you a bit radge - it should do. Angries up the blood. RAR.

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:16, archived)

Makes me angry

so it does. But I do love it anyway.

Actually, now I'd really like some Glenmorangie.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:18, archived)

*cuddles you with love*

Glenmorangie is generic rubbish though.

I would recommend:
- Laphroaig
- Ardbeg
- Aberfeldy (mostly because my mate's dad used to make it)
- Aberlour ... all the aberlour are good, but if you want a special treat (births deaths and marriages) have a wee nip of a'bunadh (this is the BEST whisky I've ever had)

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:23, archived)

laphroig for the peatey smokey win

there was an incident once, a projectile incident, which has put me off this fine fine drink, but i must persevere and get right back on it!

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lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:25, archived)

if you ever get a chance you should not pass up the opportunity to try

a'bunadh... it's not chill filtered, so it goes cloudy thwn you add ice or water, it tastes like how I always imagined whisky should taste when my Grandad used to tell me about it when I was a kid.

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:28, archived)

you add ice to single malts?

unorthodox!

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lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:30, archived)

Americans (and, admittedly, a lot of other people too) do - I do not.

but you need to add something to A'bundh because it's cask strength ... about 60% proof.

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:35, archived)

woo

yeah a dash of spring water in that one maybe!

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lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:37, archived)

Oh I like a bit of it, it's nice.

Fiddich is also good. I don't know, I don't drink often so I've never really got into it in a big way. I know I don't like blended whiskies as they taste like soap (or at least, the ones I've had).

I have noted these names. I'm going to buy a couple of decent bottles soon for safekeeping out of my reach. Save them for when little Captains start arriving.

Also: I've decided the next person I drink it with shall be a bonafide Scotperson, so I can do it properly. And blame him if I drink the wrong one.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)

stay off the Benromach

it's next door to a sewage works

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:30, archived)

I cut my nails this morning and everything

I had such big plans for that hand... the best laid plans of mice and hands oft go a gayglee

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Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:08, archived)

Och, indeed.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:10, archived)

don't worry, you've got another hand

and also two feet

so that gives you still four means of banging notes out :D

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discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:20, archived)

n to the ing

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lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:07, archived)

Word, breadbin.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:09, archived)

breadbin

o rly

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lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:20, archived)

yarly, my jigga.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:23, archived)

ok, wowgga

...?

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lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)

ning capn'

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prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:16, archived)

Wotcher

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:21, archived)

'Ning Cap'n!

I understand exactly what you mean :D
Old Beano comics are win.

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ClanSoul, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:20, archived)

my mum's been plonking her feets

on a cloth-covered stack of them for YEARS now.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:21, archived)

Before my stepdad moved out, he had annual upon annual

of beano, dandy, sparky etc.
I do love Korky.

I don't know how many times I read them all :P

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ClanSoul, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)