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crab bloke

are you the scriptwriter mentioned in this article?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:01, archived)

i only wish it was

i could be truly proud of having written such fantastic scripts. david hasslehoff saved by a whale and taken to a desert island. fantastic.

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:11, archived)

perhaps one of the blode

could be killed and brought back in an unbelievable manner - perhaps saved by a giant Hasselhoff?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:20, archived)

don't let the blode die

that would be wrong.

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:21, archived)

yup

although it would be ok to have him zapped by an alien ray that makes him disappear, and be rescued by a race of alien Stevie Wonders in a space-ship that looks exactly like a vast interstellar david hasslehoff. i think the stevie wonders might be very small.

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:09, archived)

Stevie Wonder should only PRETEND

to be blind. for sympathy.

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:17, archived)

stevie

echo-locates doesn't he? like a bat?

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:28, archived)

POP FACT!

Yep. That's true.

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:35, archived)

My card

(Esteban, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 3:58, archived)

where did you find

my business card?

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:22, archived)

Hands off

it is my business card, it has my name on it and everything. I am the MD of ROCK!!!!!

(Esteban, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:24, archived)

i have a business card

which describes me as "pimping and hustling consultant"

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:11, archived)

well

let's see it then

(Esteban, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:13, archived)

i can't be arsed to scan it mate I'm afraid.

or actually maybe I can.

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:28, archived)

ooooh the suspense ...

... will weirdos start phoning you? more than usual?

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:36, archived)

you could

always blur out the numbers - like they do with faces of bad people on The Worlds Wildest Police Videos III with Sherrif John Bunell.

(Esteban, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:39, archived)

bugger

scanner's fucked. lamp failure. bastard.

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:45, archived)

Digital Camera?

can't you photo it?

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:57, archived)

yup

i suppose i could.

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 6:06, archived)

but

... err... is it good?

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 6:20, archived)

Surely that should be

the business card of 'Wayne Carr'?

(

chthonic, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:03, archived)

yuk yuk

or Mother Fu Carr or something funny.

(Esteban, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:07, archived)

"Wang Cares"

- The unfortunate slogan from the German advertising office of Wang computers.

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:20, archived)

no way...

...really?
Wayne E. Carr, Ph.D.
I still think it's some of the best stuff Chris Morris did. Wayne Carr

(

AndyK, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:42, archived)

Is there a transcript?

Can't really listen to Audio in the office.

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:58, archived)

You know that ensure add?

The one with the good and bad cartoon cars for car insurance? Has anyone else noticed that the dog in it actually shits himself as he nearly gets run over?

(

Wifey, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 3:39, archived)

from the b3ta inbox (thanks David "JaDa" Stevenson))

(

rob, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 3:37, archived)

absolut shyte

what a load of bollocks. i'll get me coat....

(

crab_bloke), Thu 18 Oct 2001, 18:01, archived)

honoured...

wow. that's got to go on my desktop somewhere.

(

AndyK, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:17, archived)

Will she

grant me three wishes if I rub the bottle?

(

Wifey, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:30, archived)

she'll try

but you're more likely to experience bliss if you drink her contents.

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:13, archived)

That's nice, but

I want money, and world domination,and everlasting good looks....
Or maybe that's being greedy...

(

Wifey, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 5:46, archived)

no, that's ok i reckon

but you might have to back off on the world domination as i'm after that myself

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 6:08, archived)

Aaahhh....

so it is you who keeps foiling my evil plans.

(

Wifey, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 6:32, archived)

i tend to concentrate

on evil flans with my foil

(

crab_bloke), Fri 19 Oct 2001, 7:30, archived)

absolutly

Interesting collection of Absolut Vodka ads. http://www.absolutad.org/

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 11:55, archived)

absolut ads,

are so damn nice.
And the bottle is nice too. Isn't it called Absolut, as you can't register 'Absolute' in the USA as it's an adjective?

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 12:12, archived)

Yes, but

it's not an adjective it's a vodka. Can somebody do an 'absolut b3ta' ad?

(

mrbrong, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 13:34, archived)

absolute b3ta

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 14:59, archived)

That's excellent!

Where can I buy it?

(

Wifey, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 3:37, archived)

I liked it so much...

... I bought the bottle. And drank it.

(

AndyK, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:19, archived)

apparently so...

The Absolut Company now had a product and a package. What they didn`t have was a name. The original product was called "Absolute Rent Brännvin", which was modified to "Absolute Pure Vodka", a name that for legal reasons could not be registered in the US - "absolute" was a common adjective and could not be a trademark. The final "e" was dropped removing the legal obstacle and adding an extra Swedish touch.
http://www.scandinaviandesign.com/absolut/index4.htm

Also interesting is the lawsuit launched against a small company called Absolut Beach. http://news.ninemsn.com.au/smallbusiness/legal_issues/story_1990.asp

(

AndyK, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 4:41, archived)

Shingo Mama loves you!

(Viscid www.neuralspasm.com, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 11:42, archived)

she sees you too?

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 12:13, archived)

cute! and an animation waiting to happen...

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 12:27, archived)

a quick song

was kostet dieser Hund im Fenster?
der hund der mit dem schwanz wedelt?
was kostet dieser Hund im Fenster?
Ich hoffe das ihn zu verkaufen ist.

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 10:24, archived)

bored are you?

what costs this dog in the window? the dog with the tail wags? what costs this dog in the window? I hope to sell it am.

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 10:36, archived)

erm, no. not at all... honest.

I am amazed by the power of the german language to complicate even the most simple thing.

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 10:39, archived)

scintillate, scintillate

globule vivific,
I feign to fathom
thy substance specific.

Loftily poised
in the ether capacious,
strongly resembling
a gem,
carbonaceous.

we can complicate things too - that was twinkle twinkle little star. obviously

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 11:02, archived)

German dogs lead complicated lives

Beware the fish:
www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_427075.html?menu=news.quirkies

(

mrbrong, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 11:38, archived)

ADVANCED CAT SIMULATOR

here -It's just like a real one.

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 10:08, archived)

yup

that's exactly like my cat alright

(

crab_bloke), Thu 18 Oct 2001, 10:38, archived)

japanese toilets

a handy guide

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 9:31, archived)

ha ha

I like that. Are you going to Japan? Did you need advice?

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 9:39, archived)

Advice:

Do not touch the japanese french english bread. It will confuse you further
www.engrish.com/

(

mrbrong, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 9:48, archived)

What is behind this door?

(Esteban, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 11:01, archived)

my friend works for a company in London

and there really is a man with a job title: MD of ROCK.

I SO want that as my job title. Whatever the job really is.

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 11:42, archived)

If I can't

be the MD of ROCK then I want to be the PA to the MD of ROCK.

What a brilliant job, imagine the business cards... I am going to design one.

(Esteban, Fri 19 Oct 2001, 3:34, archived)

sadly nothing to do with animal war

http://www.pmia.com/

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 7:55, archived)

There is an animal war

And this is the leader:
http://www.uglydoghunting.com/inside_images/dogvest1.jpg

(

mrbrong, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 8:18, archived)

Unique New York - Unique New York - Unique New York

a nasty little tounge twister.

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 7:24, archived)

Try

eleven benevolent elephants

(Pieforce, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 7:33, archived)

I've found 11 elephants on the

b3ta server.

don't know what they are doing there.

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 8:00, archived)

ouch

that hurts my brain

(

crab_bloke), Thu 18 Oct 2001, 9:11, archived)

it hurts my ears

er... i'm not very good at flash.

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 9:26, archived)

Steven Hawking singing "Electric Dreams"

My mate Andy has recorded this.

Now we need some ideas for an animation....

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:23, archived)

i'm sure he...

...was at karaoke on thursday night, you know.

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:41, archived)

You got to check this then....

go to www.mp3.com and type in mc hawking

absolute classic!

(Man In A Suitcase, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:43, archived)

yeah... mc hawking rules

our idea was slighly different... we wanted Hawking & Davros dueting to Electric Dreams... However... Andy has only made the Hawking part, and forgot about making the Davros bit.

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:53, archived)

I used to record dalek/davros voices

using a BBC computer to control the a tape recorder.
If you switch the drive motor on and off about 10 times a second and record stuff,
you get great dalek voices.

Infact, probably how it was done for real,
judging by their budget.

(

chthonic, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:11, archived)

Man.

You must .. be a techno musician for sure !

(Ix the Wiz, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:22, archived)

In de hood

Mc Hawking

(James, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:58, archived)

You'd have to be really cutesy

How about episodes from Hawking & Davros's romance -
trundling through the fields together, being kept apart by a staircase, fixing each other's wheel chairs, going to voice coaching together, discussing different theories of time and space travel against a big blackboard etc etc.

Finally they drive up a hill towards the sunset and a heart shape vignette's their silhouettes.

(

chthonic, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:19, archived)

that sounds lovely

really moving.

I've been trying to phone Dave - the creator of Jada - to see if I can get him to make it. However he's not answering his phone. I think he's still on nights...

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:30, archived)

Davros And Hawking Over Dinner

"e=mc2? damn I had f=mc2"
"so close my love so close"

(Man In A Suitcase, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:30, archived)

After dinner

Hawking opens the front panel on Davros and sticks all the plates in the dishwasher contained within

(

chthonic, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:36, archived)

ha ha great idea

what a lover that would be.

(

rob, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:43, archived)

Help

I'm stuck in an alternate reality

(Pieforce, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:04, archived)

Help

I'm stuck down a well.

(Esteban, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:38, archived)

you sure

you're not just hiding in a barn

(Pieforce, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 7:35, archived)

I think he is.

I'm stuck in a tree and i can see him from here

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 8:17, archived)

i don't think you are.

because i'm in a hedge and i can't see you in any trees.

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 8:26, archived)

all I can see

is blackness. It is damp down here and I want to go home.

(Esteban, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 9:07, archived)

Guess Who..?

(Ix the Wiz, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:37, archived)

ummm

you?

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:38, archived)

Umm.

Nearly.. I know him.

(Ix the Wiz, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:40, archived)

A Closer Look

(Ix the Wiz, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:41, archived)

ahhh.

your dad. How IS he?

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:43, archived)

Dad...

Uuugh, he is cool.
this is not my Dad thou.

someone else.

(Ix the Wiz, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:50, archived)

is it

dana dawson?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:51, archived)

I think

it is the Intel (duh du duh) - pause - man. He makes computers work, he inflicts mega hurts on slow computers.

(Esteban, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:06, archived)

now look. As you typed Intel (du duh du duh)

I hope you did the coproate du duh du duh.
Because otherwise no one will know what you're talking about.

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:08, archived)

but not the pling.

because they don't do du duh du duh pling any more. That was only when it was the Pentium MMX. Pling was short for MMX.

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:15, archived)

Thanks

for pointing that out, I edited my original post to make it Intel (duh du duh) - pause - compliant. You saved my skin, if the law people had seen my post without the Intel (duh du duh) - pause - thing I would have been in deep do do.

(Esteban, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:18, archived)

saved

thank you.
You have saved ALL our skins.

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:22, archived)

MMM

INTEL SATAN NO..

We are all Macusers here.

its Morris the Mixmaster..

Chill to that !

(Ix the Wiz, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:23, archived)

Well here

at work we are all PC users and we accepted Satan into our hearts. Intel (duh du duh) - pause - told us if we did not accept satan into our hearts they would inflict mega hurts on us ALL. You can see our problem.

(Esteban, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:35, archived)

athlon

here old bean!

(Man In A Suitcase, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 7:40, archived)

Win a year's supply of yoghurt

in this fabulous colouring in competition!
I'm sure there's no harm in sending them photoshopped versions too.
www.yeovalley.com/c_f/c_cc.html

(

mrbrong, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:22, archived)

did you really

see a duck get run over by a lawn mower?
Do you work on the farm in the picture? which is really cute by the way...

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:33, archived)

Yes

It was one of those big industrial lawn mowers. The duck had eaten too many apples and couldn't move fast enough.

(

mrbrong, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:45, archived)

god, that's terrible.

was it too mashed up to eat?
Roast duck stufffed with apple sounds nice.

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:50, archived)

do you think a

drawing of the f-offrog in the field would have a chance of winning?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:37, archived)

Turner prize winner?

I think Daisy Douglas Miller's challenging portrail of the Foot and Mouth crisis is a masterpiece.

(

PeterSeychelles, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:58, archived)

i was bored of doing this

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:20, archived)

The duck!

the duck rules.

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:34, archived)

quack

(

AndyK, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:46, archived)

that is such

a cute duck.
thankyou :)

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:55, archived)

some people are more bored than me...

and more cheesy:"drawing is organic...dead leaves, hay,onion and garlic peels, thyme, black pepper and of course, a pot of Yeo Valley Organic Yogurt once empty (yum)."

(nic*, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:37, archived)

I saw that! I was too appalled to

post it.
Damn fool. She could use the picture as compost in the garden tho. Would work a treat. oh.
I am more bored than you too.
damn.

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:54, archived)

bored

im so bored ive already eaten my own arse for entertainment...

(nic*, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 5:57, archived)

i was going to

but then i realised i'd already eaten my own head and hence had no mouth.
Later on I am planning to give myself reconstructive surgery using office equipment i have been collecting over the decades.

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 6:07, archived)

found a cool Page!

http://themen02.mytoday.de/musik/member/frunobulax/frog/

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 17:07, archived)

what

a horrid little frog.

(Esteban, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 9:08, archived)

one cool bear

(

AndyK, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 11:52, archived)

those hands ...

... look murderous. very odd.

(

rob, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 11:57, archived)

i would have preferred

Vanilla Ice's hands. They are evil personified.

(

AndyK, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 12:01, archived)

blimey

(

AndyK, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 12:03, archived)

new pet

do you like him?

(

crab_bloke), Wed 17 Oct 2001, 11:41, archived)

is he the robot from short circuit?

will he be my friend?

(

rob, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 11:58, archived)

and no. you don't want him as your friend, believe me. he just spends all day screaming, and screaming, and screaming.

(

crab_bloke), Wed 17 Oct 2001, 12:07, archived)

can you show me that using the

medium of flash?

i'm sure your parents are used to hearing screaming from your shed.

(

rob, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 12:11, archived)

Yes, what an excellent idea.
Got to go now though......

(

crab_bloke), Wed 17 Oct 2001, 12:16, archived)

Well in that case he looks and sounds

like my lodger on a Saturday morning

(Nacho, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 7:19, archived)

oh no.

you're not My landlord are you? Max - what are you doing here?

(

pep, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 8:18, archived)

collecting the rent

scan in your cheque and email it to Snakey

(Nacho, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 8:54, archived)

ohhhhhhh.......

Pretty... o.O

(Raurenu, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 21:14, archived)

Is there a cure?

That's what I feel like after too much whiskey...

(

Wifey, Thu 18 Oct 2001, 4:38, archived)

Gay Superheroes

Erm. Wow. Interesting. Gay Superheroes

(

AndyK, Wed 17 Oct 2001, 11:22, archived)

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