Ignorance"A girl who used to work for me believed that saveloys are made from fish because 'you get them from the fish shop'." Says Richard Mcbeef. He goes on to say "I was getting on for 40 before I became aware that medical doctors don't all have doctorates."
Tell us about your own embarrassing ignorance or that of others.
(, Thu 4 Feb 2016, 8:36)
This question is now closed.
My favourite ever questionIn a shop in California, the assistant was chatting as she rang up the sales.
Her: "So, where are you from, then?"
Me: "England."
Her: "Oh, really? And what language do people speak there, then?"
Me: "..."
(, Fri 12 Feb 2016, 17:19, 4 replies)
French CarsMany years ago I used to go out with a young lady who was not by any stretch of the imagination "the sharpest knife in the drawer" but she was pleasant and well mannered, most importantly shagged like a nympho rabbit.
When we started seeing one another regularly she always said how much she admired my car Citroen CX very smooth and spacious, asked details I said it was French and I would take her to France to meet my family.
The day came and we crossed the channel arrived in France we were a short distance from the port on the way to my familys' when she piped up blimey theres a lot of Citroens about, I wonder why they are so popular ???? and I wonder where they are made.
Ye Gods I almost stopped the car and told her to walk home...
(, Fri 12 Feb 2016, 16:40, Reply)
When I was a young child I called it a "window still"No-one ever corrected me and I thought nothing of it. It was only when I got to university and said it several times during a presentation on a scene that we had filmed of a woman woman sitting reading on a windowsill and people kept giggling. When I got the the Q&A I was asked "What the hell is a window still"
When I asked my mother why no-one ever corrected me her response was "We thought it was cute"
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Peej, Fri 12 Feb 2016, 12:34,
3 replies)
Unexpected MumOh and also when I was a kid My mum told me she was the dancing woman in silhouette on the credits of Tales of the Unexpected. It did look quite like her so just believed it. She said she filmed it while I was at school one afternoon.
She would then attempt to dance along with "herself"whenever it was on telly but she wasn't quite as good.
To this day, over 30 years later she still says that was her, so who knows, maybe the producers did film my mum on her day off from cleaning the local biscuit factory! I suppose I'll never know for sure.
(, Thu 11 Feb 2016, 12:29, 4 replies)
Dandruff!When I was a kid, for reasons I cannot fathom, I believed Dandruff was a brand of shampoo. I suppose I'd heard adults talking about it in connection with hair and assumed the rest.
I can remember being shocked at Shampoo adverts with slogans like "removes all traces of dandruff" etc and when kids at school cruelly pointed out that they could see dandruff in my hair I would tell them "you can't because my mum buys Vosene not Dandruff"!
Stupid me.
(, Thu 11 Feb 2016, 12:21, Reply)
I once wrote about some stuff about some shit.Stupid cunts believed every word of it.
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Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 10 Feb 2016, 16:58,
8 replies)
Grrrmachine's story reminds me.I was chatting with a girl who said she was studying cosmetology. "Wow. I would love to be weightless and look down on the Earth."
Her blank expression was pretty much as expected of someone who is "studying" cosmetology.
(, Wed 10 Feb 2016, 14:25, 8 replies)
On a shit night out at university, my mate started chatting up a nice pair of legs"What are you studying?" she bawled into his ear over the music.
"Pharmacology" he said.
"Oh cool!" she squealed "are you going to raise cows and sheep and stuff? I love animals!"
Dim bint thought that's what you studied to become a farmer.
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 10 Feb 2016, 14:09,
8 replies)
They don't do it like that where I'm from.Had a friend visiting Blighty from the states. Wanting to show her the very best of sights as she was quite a fine looking specimen, I duly treated her to a tour of Leicester's back streets. She was intrigued when she encountered her very first pelican crossing.
She heard the beeps.
"What is that for?"
"Oh that's for blind people. To say when it's crossing time." I explained.
"Blind people?" She replied. "Really? Wow."
"Cor easy to impress, I'm in here", I thought. She was quiet, deep in thought, soaking up the finest scenery of the Kebab Shops, Laundrettes, off-licences and betting shops of the Narborough Road I assumed. Then she said:
"You know, in The States, we don't let blind people drive."
(, Wed 10 Feb 2016, 13:29, 4 replies)
SkincareMy wife thinks that exfoliate and defoliate are the same thing.
I don't think she'll ever get through that Army-surplus barrel of Agent Orange.
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MyFrontFellOff ; his mouth full of teddies, urinating defiantly, Wed 10 Feb 2016, 12:35,
Reply)
Holy cow!My wife's cousin has a very good job and is a lovely person but sometimes we wonder how she survives in this world.
One day she was visiting family down here and we thought we'd invite her out for dinner.
Off we trotted to the local Italian where we sit down to order. We decide quickly what we're having but cousin is taking her time, brow furrowed as she looks through the menu.
"The bolognese is good here and you always loved Mum's bolognese" says Mrs Monkeyboyalpha.
"Oh no. I haven't been able to eat that for the last 2 years" says cousin.
"You've not gone vegetarian!?" we utter
"No, I'm allergic to dairy" cousin answers
*stunned silence*
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monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:11,
12 replies)
I used to think Pierce Brosnan was the best James BondBut now I realise it was Timothy Dalton.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:46, 12 replies)
I bumped into a girl who was the receptionist......for a company I used to work for. I asked about a few of my old friends and colleagues and she said she was rather shocked to have been told they had all left and apparently gone to work for the same company. She also mentioned she was considering seeing if they had any vacancies as they appear to be very popular.
"What is the name of the company?" I asked.
"Pastures New."
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:48, 2 replies)
I'm not going to fucking WoodbeeWhen I was a kid I use to hear about this place called Woodbee on TV.
It sounded terrible, full of robbers, rapists, killers, murderers etc.
Pretty much all crime in the UK centered around this place.
I wondered why the police didn't just go there & sort it out.
I wasn't till my early teens that I read an article in the paper about a would-be criminal, that I finally twigged.
(, Sun 7 Feb 2016, 17:54, 5 replies)
I thought ducks ate fish(
Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Sun 7 Feb 2016, 17:48,
7 replies)
Up up and awaaaaay...I've been on your miserable planet for long enough now to have long passed the point where your higgerance amazes me. Politics, religion, Razorlight, cycle helmets, social media - basically your whole society is founded on ignorance so monumentally staggering that it's a miracle you haven't blown yourself into kingdom come by now.
However, and you may thank me for my brevity, or you may wish me to die in a fire, I will limit myself to a single example.
Many years ago I happened to be at a fete in a small English town in Somerset. (It might have been Chard. Or Crewkerne.) At this event, along with the usual stalls and games, hot air balloon rides were being offered. I was drinking a cup of tea and watching a balloon prepare for take-off when I overheard the following conversation between a yokel and an oik:
YOKEL: You wunt get Oi up in one o they buggerz.
OIK: Whyzzhatthen?
YOKEL: They'm too dangerous! Wot if zummat goes wraaang? Wot if the balloon burzztz? Thee'd plummet to thy death!
OIK: No you wun't.
YOKEL: Yes, you wuld!
OIK: No, cuz if the balloon burstz and you falls, aall you godda do is, when the basket is, like, one foot from the ground, jump out, and thee'd be okay.
YOKEL: Oh ah.
OIK: Ah.
I almost choked on my tea, but then I remembered I was in Somerset, and they couldn't help it.
(, Sat 6 Feb 2016, 11:46, 5 replies)
WindclockI also used to give a lift to a thick as fuck female over the Runcorn Widnes bridge and I convinced her that wind socks were there to tell the time.
Then I ignorantly and without thinking pushed her out of the car...when I had stopped and reached her destination
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spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 6 Feb 2016, 3:10,
Reply)
Ignorance Every member of this failing forum.
if I had my way, b3ta.com would rise up Godzilla like and spunk every member of QOTW all over Facebook and MySpace.
Solving multiple problems in one spectacular vinegar stroke.
QOTW wankers fulfil their dream of being jettisoned into oblivion at the speed of light into...well no one that really gives a fuck.
And those peole that first locate the remains of the QOTW Cohort would never believe they have been sounded by satans massive wank socket: anyone that actually listens to the remains should be rounded up and fired through the jizz cannon.
Jeremy xlarkson ahoukd host this with Chris kamara and Dennis wise in a budgey cage while David Mitchell slowly masturbates to the drum drum beat of Raa Raa the lion giving a blowjob to Rob Brydon.
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spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 6 Feb 2016, 3:08,
4 replies)
Possibly mentioned previouslyBut I used to work with an individual whom we managed to convince that:-
The Snake Pass got closed in cold weather because snakes would slide on the ice and bang their heads on the walls
The Falklands conflict was a result of corned beef mining disputes
Bass guitar is played by energetic hand movements over a drum kit
This individual now has a very senior role in direct retail...
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 5 Feb 2016, 19:15,
Reply)
A woman I knowthought those ridged lines across the road as you approach roundabouts or as you enter villages was so blind people knew when to slow down.
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sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 5 Feb 2016, 18:53,
7 replies)
This question is now closed.