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This is a question Abusing freebies

A friend of mine recently attended a 'Champaign Lunch', where he was compelled drink as much fizzy stuff as he could between the first and last courses. In an ideal world we'd ask restaurant staff to tell us stories about fatties stuffing themselves at All You Can Eat places, but we recognise that our members don't all work in the catering trade, so for the rest of you - tell us something about abusing freebies. BTW: Bee puns = you fail.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 14:16)
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They're abusing MY freebies!
As I have mentioned before, I'm an engineer working for a big semiconductor manufacturer. I'm also an American.

American engineers are highly dependent on caffeine.

This is Monday.

I arrived here at 7:00 am, and typically work a 10 hour day to get ten hours of overtime per week. No problem there- I'm hourly, so I get time and a half. But this morning?

I got here, hung up my coat and went to the company cafeteria for my first cup of coffee. I had no cash on me, so I was going to skip breakfast and just stick to the coffee. And then I saw it.

16 oz. coffee- $1.25.

I looked at the elderly woman behind the counter. "They're charging us for coffee?!? Since when?"

"They started this morning."

From her reaction I can only guess at my facial expression, but I would imagine that the sight of a puffy-eyed engineer being charged a large amount for shit coffee would have looked like I was approaching psychotic rage. I snarled, "Those fucking bastards!" And strode from the cafeteria, leaving the coffee behind, to go to the ATM and get cash.

Apparently they decided to lift the charge on coffee for now, as apparently I wasn't the only one to react negatively, but now we know it's coming.

You can ask me to work an absurd schedule. You can test my blood and urine for odd substances. You can require me to go to classes on sexual harrassment or diversity awareness or whatever other wankage you feel is necessary for all employees to attend. But for the sake of one and all-

Do not fuck with my coffee.
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 18:32, 15 replies)
An engineer without his caffiene?
Would they expect Shakespeare to work without his quill?
Picasso without his brush?
Nelson without his spyglass?

(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 18:36, closed)
Never mind the free speech, defend your right to free coffee!
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 18:48, closed)
... do you have to buy your coffee at the premises? Can you not take a cheap kettle, a jar of granules, and make your own?
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 18:50, closed)
This means war. Or at least a boycott.
As the plant is in the middle of fucking nowhere, built far away from anything remotely resembling civilization (I would guess in case we have a problem with the arsenic or one of the other Very Bad Things we use here), the company cafeteria is the only reasonable place to get lunch- or coffee.

But no more! Henceforth I'll brew my own goddam coffee in the morning, pour in the half-n-half in the thermos and bring in my lunch besides. And just because they're being such cheap bastards, I'll make it a point to shit at least once a day on company time! (And if I'm feeling particularly feisty, I'll have a wank as well!)

(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 18:55, closed)
But that's one of the core responsibilities
of the working man - shitting on the company dollar*

*not literally of course, that would be horrible
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 19:02, closed)
RE: Captain Skippy
From what I've learnt from professional dealings with Americans freeze-dried coffee is almost unheard of, however your argument has merit, a proper coffee maker can be had relatively cheaply.
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 20:26, closed)
Freeze-dried coffee=nodules of evil.
The stuff is an Abomination Unto Nuggan and is to be avoided at all costs. I'll drink tea with no milk or sugar or lemon before I drink instant.

As for having a little coffee maker- NEIN! IST VERBOTEN! I asked about that and was very sharply informed that this was not an option.

I shall invest this very evening in a thermos, for they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR COFFEE! *waving a wafer wand over my head like a sword*
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 20:54, closed)
Hee hee
But everything's an abomination unto Nuggan anyway.

I managed to get un-hooked on coffee, but have now gone on to worse things. /sigh
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 20:57, closed)
Re: The toilet break
I don't smoke, smokers get two five-minute breaks a day, I reckon I'm allowed two rather sweaty gronks of equal duration as compensation when I should be working.
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 21:01, closed)
Glad to see you got a new work.
I was worried for you a few months back when you said you lost your job. I thought you might stop writing. I enjoy your tales a great deal.
Keep up the good work and coffee rebellion.
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 21:58, closed)
There's only one language these curs understand
Curl out a corn-speckled turd onto the smooth walnut of the boardroom table.

That'll get the message across.
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 22:15, closed)
They send you to sexual harrassment classes? It just came naturally to me. I must be special.

(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 2:19, closed)
"Do not fuck with my coffee"
Good advice, a burnt willy is never a good idea!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 4:10, closed)
Brits pay tax on their coffee!
It was declared a while back that if your employer provides free tea/coffee it needs to be taken account of in your income tax.

Bloody inland revenue won't even let us have a free cuppa!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 16:16, closed)
Zee Germanss have decided to postpone charging for the coffee until next week, as the result of the near-riot they had yesterday.

Fucking idiots- I'd guess that the coffee costs them far less than they waste by running the lawn irrigation system during a rainstorm, which they often do. If they really want to be effective at saving money, they should sack a few of the MBAs that keep coming up with these schemes. Taking away coffee will result in lower morale- always a very bad move.

Oh, and the inland revenue taxing your cuppa? Toss the dozy bastards in the harbor- it worked well enough in Boston a couple hundred years ago.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 17:43, closed)

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