Reading on the toilet
When I was young it would always take a long time to produce my tangy butt nuts so I would take a book in with me to pass the time.

Now if i'm going to have a dump I always need to have something to read. This has resulted in my bathroom looking like a branch of WHSmiths and also means I never have to worry about running out of toilet paper.

This is not a problem unless I go to someone elses house and they are not considerate enough to provide reading material. I can strain till I nearly blackout but nothing happens. My bowels don't work and I end up having to read shampoo bottles or hairspray cans to get some relief.

I sometimes worry about being caught out in the wild with nothing to read and dying of constipation.

On the plus side no one asks to borrow books from me.
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Sat 20 Dec 2008, 21:38, 17 replies)

The Kites
We have a magazine rack by our loo.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 21:58, closed)

We have the previous year's back catalogue
of National Geographic magazine, and generally at least one of the Star Wars Cross-Section books.
(zeppelin boy, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 0:49, closed)

me too!
if i have people coming over, i have to go and collect them all from off the toilet floor and i put them back once the people leave!
(brotagaia, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 22:41, closed)

Oh god, me too.
Including the part about having to read something, anything to poo.
(DeactivateThisDisaster No., Sat 20 Dec 2008, 23:29, closed)

me too
it's usually the book I'm currently reading, but I've also found that mobile phone games work the same
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 10:36, closed)

if you travel somewhere
you should keep something (anything, a set of instructions from some appliance even?) in your trouser pocket just in case ;)

how severe is it? can you for example read the words on a coin / five pound note and that's enough to set you off? or does it need to be substantial and mentally stimulating?

*so glad this does not affect me*
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 9:48, closed)

Has to be a couple of lines at least
Once when i was stuck I ended up reading all the shopping receipts in my wallet, that seemed to work but still needed some straining.
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Sun 21 Dec 2008, 15:50, closed)

Mr Quar does that too.
His literature of choice is Today's Golfer.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 11:59, closed)

We stayed at a B&B once
That would be your idea of heaven. Books everywhere, including a large bookshelf in each of the bathrooms and bogs.

I didn't flush until my arse was freezing and my legs were numb
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 22:47, closed)

Salmonella
I caught salmonella on a holiday to Turkey, and to get my stomach to calm down, I got what the dr. called Astronaut Tablets, what astronauts take in space to avoid the difficulties of a zero gravity poo.

It calmed it down to nothing at all, for about two months. So it was on the lactulose syrup to try and ease something out. When it came out, it was truly collossal. And dried up at the business end. Yuk.

Well, anyway, so far, so gross. But the thing was, in this period of very painful, messy and disappointing poos, that reading vaguely funny, shaggy dog story type of things helped to distract me from the pain/ disappointment.

So now I am addicted to reading things like Viz but also books like 211 things every boy must know, when having a sit-down. And like the correspondent above, when visiting houses not suitably provisioned, I have to have a poke around to find something that will do.
(cheesehead, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 10:47, closed)

Just out of curiousity
...which end of a pooh is 'the business end'?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 23:20, closed)

Throne Book of the week
A book I discovered whilst sitting a while in a friends facility, is the Framley Examiner,
Just really funny reading whilst having a
" 147 "
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 12:39, closed)

Co-written by Mr. Jason Hazeley.
One of my favourite musicians. Awesome.
( Throat And Ice Pie I see dem tatties dere., Tue 23 Dec 2008, 12:12, closed)

Text deletion
I use the opportunity to manage the inbox of the transportable blower and reply to the ones I've been avoiding.

It's a double clearout, of sorts.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 12:53, closed)

For your quiet time:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncle_John's_Bathroom_Reader
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 7:06, closed)

*makes note*
*gives to family and friends for late Christmas present idea*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 8:44, closed)

^^^Allllll of this
Its a family thing, handed down from male to male through the generations. When my brother goes up at extended family gatherings we have sweepstakes on how long he'll be.

I tells ya the modern age is making things worse and worse. What with wifi and portable consoles its not just books any more - games, videos and now with an iPhone or similar, TV over BBC iplayer or just vids on youtube.

I'm a purist at heart though, if a good book's on the go it's reading all the way. Or magazines, can't beat a good copy of retro gamer and a massive dump.
( Throat And Ice Pie I see dem tatties dere., Tue 23 Dec 2008, 12:07, closed)