I hate nightclubs.
My girlfriend at the time was celebrating her 18th birthday and loved nightclubs. Due to the relationship being long distance this wasn't usually an issue but this time, against my strongest wishes and a threat from her that she might "get drunk and do something regrettable" (I know, classy lady), I wound up going to a nightclub called Walkabout on Broad Street in Birmingham.

Most of the evening was spent in the darkest, quietest corner of the club watching barely clothed ladies getting pawed at by gel-headed men like bears pawing at KFC. It was survivable but less survivable was a bloke in his advanced 50s fingering a girl young enough to be his great great great great granddaughter by Birmingham standards up against the wall 4 feet to my right.

To escape this I offered to get everyone in our group drinks. I'm more accustomed to little pubs and so this nightclub bar swamped with people shouting and waving like an alcoholic stock exchange was confusing and stressful. Still, eventually I managed to acquire the 4 pints. Carefully holding them I turn around, and where my elbow was jutting out I managed to catch an honest to god dwarf standing just behind me across the bridge of the nose, causing him a nose bleed.

I'd like to make this story exciting by saying I did battle with an angry dwarf and had my arse handed to me, but I just apologised profusely and he was actually very gracious about it. It was nice to make a little friend at the end of it all.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 10:54, 16 replies)

I'm convinced
that the Walkabout and Yates Wine Lodge chains were used as the inspiration for Mos Eisley spaceport, wretched hives of scum and villainy that they are.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 11:05, closed)

Ben Kenobi
has clearly never been to Reading town center on a Saturday night.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 11:28, closed)

Redhill could probably give it a good run for its money as well.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 11:43, closed)

tl;dr - i went to a nightclub and nothing interesting happened

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 11:28, closed)

You're right, I'm sorry
In today's fast paced economy 7 lines of text is a bit much. I'll do future posts in smileys and ASCII stuff just for you.

8==D
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 11:34, closed)

doves likes them a bit bigger than that

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 2 Aug 2014, 21:17, closed)

also: my crippling autism prevents me from being in busy places

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 11:35, closed)

shut up
he's (or she's) a tiny blindfolded horse. that makes him automatically cool.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 12:05, closed)

it's definitely in my top ten b3ta usernames
even if the person behind it is a social cripple who abuses midgets
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 12:09, closed)

Well, in fairness, what else are midgets there for?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 1 Aug 2014, 13:38, closed)

NO YOU

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 12:22, closed)

Upset

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 12:07, closed)

I'm not sure a Walkabout can be called a nightclub.
More like a pub with flashing lights. A Disco Pub as those forins would call it.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 12:47, closed)

this explains Cranley's constant rage

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 12:08, closed)

I spent 7 years in Birmingham
and I can count on 1 hand the number of times I went into a 'pub' in Broad Street. Shit place, much violance, sluts and beer'd up twats.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Fri 1 Aug 2014, 15:40, closed)

I know the pub you mean
It is in fact shit
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 6 Aug 2014, 14:26, closed)