More of a failed attempt to make money but
Yeah, I've always been a bit of a cynic and decided one year around 8 years ago that Valentine's Day was a veritable gold mine, given the cheaply made saccharine shite that people buy in pound shops and whatnot.

As a prolific eBayer, I'd found various Chinese sellers selling all sorts of tat and formulated a plan. I managed to get a hold of 20 little "silk" bags for about 2 quid, and the idea was I'd buy a load of Swarovski crystals, fill the bags and then sell them as little Valentines treats to people at a marked up price. I managed to find some "SUPER DELUXE FASHION ACCESSORY PRINCESS SWAROVSKI CRYSTAL TOP PRICE x 500" for £5, figured 25 crystals in a bag would look pretty good and could sell them for maybe £5 a go, making a nice little profit.

Now I know a LOT of what I just said sounds stupid in hindsight (rather embarrassed to write it) but a bigger batch of stupidity was about to come down the pipe.

For whatever reason, I had been oblivious to the fact that crystals are not all the same size. My happiness at getting such a big haul of these knockoff crystals started to wither when the telltale jiffy bag came through with the big green sticker on it to say it's from China. It was telltale because it was the smallest jiffy bag I had ever seen.

Sho' nuff, I open the envelope to find a tiny, tiny little zip lock bag filled with plastic crystals, each one literally slightly bigger than a grain of sand (and that's not the modern mis-used literally. This was LITERALLY literally).

They just about filled one bag. I gave up. To this day when I sort through old stuff I will find the odd little brightly coloured grain here and there.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:03, 31 replies)

Well, no-one's going to beat 'I bought some knocked-off shit on Ebay' this week.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:14, closed)

Next up, Tales from the Silk Road

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 10:32, closed)

at least he went to the effort of stretching the non-story over several needlessly detailed paragraphs

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 11:10, closed)

If it wasn't in reasonably good written English it's actually dull enough to be a Fathelme.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 11:11, closed)

oh now ... that's very harsh indeed

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 11:14, closed)

oh do give it a break, just a small break, the pair of you
you're like that pair of old critics in the muppets.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 14:37, closed)

New Sheriff in town.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 14:48, closed)

you're the one with the rusty badge

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 14:52, closed)

you mean the only genuinely funny pair in what is otherwise an infantile puppet show?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 15:02, closed)

no, i just meant that you look like them

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 15:44, closed)

we don't

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 15:57, closed)

Speaking of people who resemble muppets, here's Swipe at her desk.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 16:11, closed)

^ creepy stalking right here ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 16:17, closed)

you're on dodgy ground here, Chester Rat.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 16:58, closed)

You're an utter bastard and my wife Miss Piggy agrees.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 18:36, closed)

I have it on excellent authority that your wife is fat

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 19:17, closed)

Well goodness
I forgot how utterly charming you lot were
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 11:18, closed)

I am LoVELIER than that bender StuJ!

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 12:15, closed)

I think they're on a mission to prove ufm right.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 12:35, closed)

an impossible mission

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 20:29, closed)

Doesn't matter.
My unfailing self confidence means I have no need of your approval.
(username failed moderation, Mon 14 Jul 2014, 16:28, closed)

you have one of my favourite usernames so I'm only going to be slightly mean to you.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 13:35, closed)

Aright, fair enough, I went too far with the 'Fathelme'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 13:39, closed)

All this apologising has ruined /qotw.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 14:04, closed)

Never go Full Fathelme.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 14:19, closed)

Fuckinel, I'm feeling the love here!

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 13:58, closed)

wanker

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 15:57, closed)

*snogs*

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 16:25, closed)

get your skinny honky lips away from my proud African face

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 19:05, closed)

I wouldn't worry
Shambles and Badger are desperately inadequate individuals who jump on the slightest opportunity to draw attention away from their own pathetic lives. It's what they do. It's all they do.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 11 Jul 2014, 19:13, closed)

Hur hur hur
You dun a wrong !11!!!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 10:33, closed)