I was on a date last night... Had some trouble. My cock's just too big. Look, I wrote a poem about it:
My date said to me last night "hey you, come here and poke us"
I said "I can’t, because I’m hung - like a fucking diplodocus"
"Yes, I know" she said "but please stop being such a bore"
I yelled out "but my cock's the size of an entire dinosaur!"

She saw it then, and gasped in shock and wonder and surprise,
When she noticed my cock had leviathanic size,
I tried to shag this one girl once, but knackered both her thighs in,
And that’s because my massive cock, it bends 'round the horizon.

She said "if you're sticking that in me, I need to get quite pissed"
She couldn’t see my bell-end, it had vanished in the mist
She licked right up and down my cock, a bit like Sally Gunnell
But that didn't work, and so I fucked the Dartford Tunnel.

She tried to stick it in her, and she worked it inch by inch in,
My dick was hardly even wet when her cunt started pinching,
And that was odd, because she' got a fanny like a welly
I couldn't stick it in with half a ton of K Y Jelly.

She said "I don't know what to do!" and shrugged and gave a cough
"You really need an Elder God to come and suck you off!"
And so I left her, walked outside, and got a round of golf in,
It’s probably for the best, ‘cos I’ve got sperm the size of dolphins.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 9:26, 19 replies)

This is excellent.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 9:47, closed)

Beautiful
Poignant and tender yet burning with the raw zest for life so characteristic of the New YOLO School.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:00, closed)

The unbridled post-modernism brings out the delicious juxtaposition of the ironic expresion
culminating in our being almost forced involuntarily to lol.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:17, closed)

Very much so.
Being confronted with SigourneysBeaver's work is like being strained through the metaphysical muslin of self-perception, where the reader finds himself dislocated from conventional paradigms of cultural normativity and transported to a recursive plane of self-perpetuating officelols.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:26, closed)

For me the semantic employment circumvents the necessity to actualise realism
instead figuratively dispossessing any significant discourse in favour of rofls, or, indeed, roflmaos.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:33, closed)

I concur
The textual space occupied by this work is a metonym for the phsyicalities so brutally described and even the narrative tropes through which the events themselves transpired. It is not so much a poem as an event, an aura, an experience, and ultimately a lol.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:37, closed)

It sort of rhymes

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:46, closed)

^ Brian Sewell's progeny ^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:00, closed)

One of Britain's foremost experts on gigantic cocks.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:06, closed)

SigourneysBeaver for poet laureate

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:14, closed)

Metre's off.

( Kroney, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:02, closed)

good, but do you go south of the river at this time?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:19, closed)

Top reply.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 23 Oct 2013, 15:29, closed)

Got me early on with poke us and diplodocus.
Have a click.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 23 Oct 2013, 15:28, closed)

Kudos for rhyming
Thighs in and horizon.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 17:50, closed)

Bravo.
I think I liked the last line best.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Oct 2013, 18:35, closed)

Me too :)

( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 19:13, closed)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Biggest laugh I've had for days. Have a click.
(wolfpussy will nibble your fingers on, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 23:54, closed)

A click for you, Sir

(Thunderwing, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 5:11, closed)