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This is a question Bad Dates

Tell us about your least successful date. Arrive late? Forget their name? Show them goatse on your phone just as the main course arrived? Or was it the other way around?

(, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 16:27)
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I was on a date last night... Had some trouble. My cock's just too big. Look, I wrote a poem about it:
My date said to me last night "hey you, come here and poke us"
I said "I can’t, because I’m hung - like a fucking diplodocus"
"Yes, I know" she said "but please stop being such a bore"
I yelled out "but my cock's the size of an entire dinosaur!"

She saw it then, and gasped in shock and wonder and surprise,
When she noticed my cock had leviathanic size,
I tried to shag this one girl once, but knackered both her thighs in,
And that’s because my massive cock, it bends 'round the horizon.

She said "if you're sticking that in me, I need to get quite pissed"
She couldn’t see my bell-end, it had vanished in the mist
She licked right up and down my cock, a bit like Sally Gunnell
But that didn't work, and so I fucked the Dartford Tunnel.

She tried to stick it in her, and she worked it inch by inch in,
My dick was hardly even wet when her cunt started pinching,
And that was odd, because she' got a fanny like a welly
I couldn't stick it in with half a ton of K Y Jelly.

She said "I don't know what to do!" and shrugged and gave a cough
"You really need an Elder God to come and suck you off!"
And so I left her, walked outside, and got a round of golf in,
It’s probably for the best, ‘cos I’ve got sperm the size of dolphins.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 9:26, 19 replies)
This is excellent.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 9:47, closed)
Poignant and tender yet burning with the raw zest for life so characteristic of the New YOLO School.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:00, closed)
The unbridled post-modernism brings out the delicious juxtaposition of the ironic expresion
culminating in our being almost forced involuntarily to lol.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:17, closed)
Very much so.
Being confronted with SigourneysBeaver's work is like being strained through the metaphysical muslin of self-perception, where the reader finds himself dislocated from conventional paradigms of cultural normativity and transported to a recursive plane of self-perpetuating officelols.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:26, closed)
For me the semantic employment circumvents the necessity to actualise realism
instead figuratively dispossessing any significant discourse in favour of rofls, or, indeed, roflmaos.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:33, closed)
I concur
The textual space occupied by this work is a metonym for the phsyicalities so brutally described and even the narrative tropes through which the events themselves transpired. It is not so much a poem as an event, an aura, an experience, and ultimately a lol.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:37, closed)
It sort of rhymes

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:46, closed)
^ Brian Sewell's progeny ^

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:00, closed)
One of Britain's foremost experts on gigantic cocks.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:06, closed)
SigourneysBeaver for poet laureate

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:14, closed)
Metre's off.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:02, closed)
good, but do you go south of the river at this time?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:19, closed)
Top reply.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 15:29, closed)
Got me early on with poke us and diplodocus.
Have a click.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 15:28, closed)
Kudos for rhyming
Thighs in and horizon.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 17:50, closed)
I think I liked the last line best.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 18:35, closed)
Me too :)

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 19:13, closed)
Biggest laugh I've had for days. Have a click.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 23:54, closed)
A click for you, Sir

(, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 5:11, closed)

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