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This is a question Bastard Colleagues

You've all known one. The brown-nosing fucker, the 'comedian', the drunk, the gossip and of course the weird one with no mates who goes bell ringing, looks like Mr Majika and sports a monk's haircut (and is a woman).

Tell us about yours...

Thanks to Deskbound for the idea

(, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:09)
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media people in general
- Are all deeply special and individual people who don't conform because they're free thinkers. Though in fact they all think the same - usually whatever it says in the Guardian.
- Listen to (and talk about) world music as if they actually enjoy it. The latest recording of the child Jenga Jenga tribe from Kenya? Download it! And have you heard the latest solo project from Thom Yorke? The one where he sings from inside a barrel of sardines? Classic!
- Wear cutting edge fashion. That t-shirt from Greenwich Village featuring an actual newspaper collage; those ethically produced jeans made from woven pubic hair by free-trade Downs syndrome peasants in Ecuador? I've got two pairs! Those fucking Converse All Stars which are just so cool even when your're 40...
- Read only Literature. A bit of Tolstoy before bed; the Koran at breakfast; the complete works of Shakespeare as a podcast - but only if you tell everyone about it loudly the next day so they know how clever you are.
- Scorn capitalism and all its minions. We live to Create. Never mind that we'd be homeless without the advertising, the subscriptions and the sponsorship deals that make our every word another act of whoredom.

Should have been a plumber.

EDIT: Mark Twain had the right idea: "I will never write' metropolis" when I can write 'city' - I get paid by the word."
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 9:15, 26 replies)
And a happy morning to you too!
I think it may be time to take a holiday...

...as long as you don't let the fires of your ire burn out.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 9:23, closed)
see also ...
facts being manipulated to fit the agenda/deadline/that afternoon's zeitgeist

the sheer number of dysfunctional people who write for a living

shit pay everywhere except the world where "richard littlejohn" is a "columnist"

the industry chewing up bright eyed graduates who have a partial understanding of, ooh, nearly everything then spitting them out in their 30s so they can become communications managers at a local authority and get a dependable salary for a change

rebekah cunting wade

(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 9:37, closed)
There is something about...
...people who read the nme and wear those bloody converses all the time. You can see them coming a mile off and know exactly what their personality is going to be like.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 10:04, closed)
Unless you live in Hoxton and have cool glasses you clearly know nothing about the 'real' world.

Oh, and did I mention my best friend is Jake Chapman, oh, and Dinos, of course, that goes without saying. You don't know who they are? Of course....you live in the provinces...and you can't read or appreciate Art.


Actually I met Jake/Dinos once - nice blokes in that terribly cool way (in other words they didn't fancy me)
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 10:17, closed)
I like my Converse, they're comfy. I agree with the rest though, especially the bit about the Guardian. And two words that I just don't get: Arcade Fire.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 10:21, closed)
"Nice" is not a word I would ever have associated with those two.

Wasn't all that impressed by their show at Tate Liverpool last year, either...
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 10:21, closed)
I work in the media and am thoroughly sick of such unthinking pretentious farts.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 10:28, closed)
You forgot to mention
that they choose their t-shirts according to how "hip" the band is, and not how much they actually like the band.
For that alone, when my day of power comes they are first up against the wall.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:19, closed)
'Pretentious' is exactly the right word...
Particularly music journalists - their heads are either up their own arses (cf Paul Morley) or the arse of the frontman of whichever band the fucking nme have said will the 'next big thing' or the 'saviours of British rock music.'

Isn't it about time we went and burnt down Hoxton? Now that the brewery's had to relocate, it only contains twats like the aforementioned...
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:21, closed)
arcade fire
Yes - what a bunch of shite.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:28, closed)
most bands begining with "The"
also fall into this category.

when in fact, my band are the saviours of british rock music.

despite being a bit rubbish, and all being lazy stoners
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:41, closed)
Vipros: that's certainly true of the last ten/fifteen years
(Just in case you'd forgotten The Who, The Doors, The Beach Boys, The Rolling Stones, The Kinks etc...)

But besides that, yes, The Kooks, The Libertines, The Arctic Monkeys...it's pretentious Hoxtonite drivel.

NB Arcade Fire do not escape the 'drivel' label just by not having a 'the' in front of their name.

Sorry, I shouldn't be allowed to talk about music. I get unduly ranty.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:49, closed)
i like thom yorke's solo projects, wear converse and have big, black-rimmed glasses. tend to read 'literature' as well.

but i'm 17.

cunt or no cunt?
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:51, closed)
... Let's not forget The The. Jeeez.

Pancreas - liking Thom Yorke, reading classics &c are nothing to be ashamed of: it's the ostentation that generates hatred - and quite properly, too.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:52, closed)
You're too young to know any better. You'll grow out of it - unless you go into media.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:55, closed)
Well, I don't know about Yorke's solo stuff, but I've also maintained that Radiohead at least try to be inventive (I actually prefer the post-OK Computer stuff to the earlier, Bends-era stuff).

But you might want to think about investing in some proper shoes before you turn 20.

EDIT: Enzyme makes a good point about the ostentation. It's the attitude that makes 'em so annoying - particularly the smug, sixth-form philosopher outlook they seem to have on life. Sure, we all go through a phase where we think we look clever by discussing politics and philosophy and art, but eventually we realise we're talking utter bollocks. The important thing is to make sure nobody publishes the shit we come out with. Or worse: we end up on BBC Have Your Say.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:55, closed)
so true, so true - but nowhere near cruel enough.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 12:06, closed)
Farmer Geddon
I'd be more specific but the free-thinking liberal intellectuals monitor the computer systems to detect any traces of thought crime.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 12:22, closed)
I own a pair of converse...
...but I find Thom Yorke haunting in an entirely unpleasant way.
Like the memory of watching a snuff film that rises to meet you upon waking at 3am, twenty years later, covered in cold sweat, heart thumping in your chest, blood pounding in your ears, your breath coming in sharp, stinging rasps as you remember that face... that face... that face...

I quite like OK Computer, though.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 12:23, closed)
it's 'The Arcade Fire', so they do fall into that category!

This thread reminds me of something Jeremy Clarkson said about South African Peace Crisps when he was moaning about environmentalists and hippy types.

I am very suspicious of anyone who blindly slates American businesses for being 'money-grabbing'. If it wasn't for American businesses then most trade in this country would cease to exist. Not saying they're beacons of light or anything, but we have to get real.

Also, these similar people talk about conspiracies as if they're real. '9/11 was set up by the US Government! They (meaning Jews) control everything we hear!' It's time to stop living in your own little dream worlds where Fagin Jr controls the world bank, and enter reality.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 12:31, closed)
The Jews DID do 9/11! Everyone knows that.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 13:24, closed)
Sort of true...
...whilst I seriously doubt any of these conspiracies about the attacks being plotted by the US government, it was a 'Mercan' - possibly Jewish, possibly Christian* - who coined the phrase "9/11."

How sensitive is that? "Oh dear, our country's just suffered the worst national tragedy since the raid on Pearl Harbour."
"I know, let's show some real respect for the victims by giving the whole shenanigan a snappy buzzword for a title. How does '9/11' sound?"
/Cue high-five following by comedy music hall style dance in canes, top hats and tails./

*Possibly even...no, wait...atheism is a capital offence to the Republicans...
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 13:31, closed)
god forbid....
that we lump such masters as the doors and the who in with the recent fungal growth of bands called The something

The Music for fucks sake. how pretentious can you get. What shall we call ourselves guys? I know, we're the greatest band the world has ever seen; we make everything that has come before and will follow obsolete. let's call ourselves THE MUSIC!


what gets to most about these bands is their sheer ordinariness. none of these bands are pushing the boundaries of their art, are they?

you'd never get a front man these days fucked on acid proclaiming that they are the Lizard King.

pacman40: good point. and if business wasn't money grabbing then it wouldn't be doing a very good job

(Note: I don't include The white stripes in my hatred of bands called The something)
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 13:35, closed)
You should check out The Mars Volta. (forget the 'the' at the front of their name) They do genuinely push the boundaries of their art, every move they make sounds like nothing else around.
Even people who hate them say they don't sound like anyone else.
Their new album has melted my face.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 14:08, closed)
I'll have a listen
I've been trying to melt the faces of my bandmates via the medium of guitar solo recently (got a new guitar)

so far nothing

all I get is blank expressions when we finish a song and I enquire if there was a slight element of face-meltage experienced....


plus, our bassist keeps breaking his double bass....
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 14:09, closed)
I fucking despise the cunts in the media that obsesses over the headline worthy unusual dangers facing my kids, say, vaccine damage. And ignore the common place. Twisting the agenda and diverting resources from where they belong. In the case of MMR these cunts have blood on their hands.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 15:02, closed)

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