I had a poo earlier today
And it was a totally clean break, I only wiped through courtesy. I love it when they're clean
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I saw you coming.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

This week I was beholden to a wonderful site.
I saw a proper, traditional tramp with long unkept beard, long coat etc. No quality in homelessness today is seem anyone can do it. There really should be a regulatory body.
( riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 12:35, Reply)

This is mine
Between leaving school and getting my first proper job at 25 I bummed around having adventures. Mainly climbing and diving interspersed with a bit of jumping off stuff and some spectacular drunken episodes.

Most of it’s blurred into a few snapshots, apart from where things went pear shaped or were particularly uncomfortable, you always remember them with perfect clarity.

Anyway, me and my main climbing buddy spent a couple of months in the Lofoten Islands. Sea, mountains and dried herring describes the place completely. We’d spent the afternoon on the perfect climb. It was just inside our capabilities, started at sea level, no wind at all, and was spectacularly beautiful. We’d been on the Islands 3-4 weeks by then and were well and truly in the grove. We flowed up the rock hardly needing to exchange a word. Grins fixed on our faces we reached the top of the face and sat, in the warm sun, with our feet dangling over the edge sharing a celebratory cigarette.

And at that moment I realised I was completely at peace. I wanted nothing more than to be sat where I was. I genuinely didn’t have a worry in the world, or even the prospect of any worries on the horizon.

If I’m feeling a bit stressed that’s where I try and take myself back to. Looking past my feet to the sea in the fjord, slightly buzzing from the climb, so quite I could hear the tobacco crackling in the cigarette, sat next to my mate. Perfect.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 11:50, 3 replies)

This year
I had a job earlier this year at ITV, being the token Scot in my department it was left to me to sort the timings and running order of adverts and to get them on screen at the right time.
This meant dealing with obnoxious pricks telling me how to do it right. A pretty shitty job overall.

My beautiful moment though came during Englands first world cup game, being the only one in the office I pressed the button and ran an ad making all the veiwers miss the goal.

/late entry & shit I know but fuck it.
(langers, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 11:44, 1 reply)

I just received an emailed headed
Understanding the layout of your flaps
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 10:42, 4 replies)

Tiger-related possible pearoast
Many years ago, at Chester Zoo, I sat on a bench watching a tiger prowling round the perimeter of its large enclosure. It did quite a few circuits, so that the group of visitors standing nearby grew to 20 or more.

As the tiger approached, the visitors would gasp admiringly and take photos. The tiger would draw close to the fence before turning away at the last moment, not seeming to notice the small crowd just a few feet away.

Then...
The tiger walked towards the fence as usual, then suddenly ROARED and launched itself against it, clinging on and lashing its tail.

The people watching screamed and scattered, chucking ice creams and cameras in the air. The tiger dropped back onto its feet and resumed its walk, probably chuckling to itself.

I fell about laughing on my nice safe bench. BEST prank EVER. By a TIGER.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 10:32, 5 replies)

Subspace
I used to be of the kinky variety....ropes, leather, masks, the usual stuff. Where I differ from a lot of people on this one is that my urges tended not to come from anything sexual, it went far deeper. I'm submissive, I got my kicks from relinquishing control, sometimes sex play a part in this more often it didn't.

My beautiful moment happened about a year ago, when I was having my first proper sessions with someone I trsuted deeply, and felt a great deal of affection for. the session progressed... the ropes went on... the hood went on...then I just, well, went. I was having my first experience of subspace, and it was so peaceful, quiet and beautiful. I wasn't there for very long as my then Dom started calling my name and coaxing me back. He had quite a job of it as I was reluctant to come back, which started to scare him after a while. I thought the whole thing had lasted about 10 minutes, but it turns out I was gone for about 90 minutes. For those 90 minutes I was free from everything, I had no concerns or responsibilities of any sort, I felt a peace I haven't felt before or since.

I've since taken a step back from the kinky world, the trip to subspace called a lot of things about my emotional state into question and opened up something of a Pandora's box. Up to this point I felt the need to stay so tightly in control of everything that I was in a constant state of anxiety, which I could only relieve in this extreme way, and my trip to subspace made me realise the good stuff that could happen when I let go a little. It made me realise that my need to be control had isolated and depressed me for sometime. With a lot of help (try explaining THAT to a counsellor) it took me about 6 difficult months to recover from it, but I'm in a far better place than I was when I submitted that night.

A life changing and beautiful experience
(Rubadubsub, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Ranthambore
All these stories about beautiful holiday moments remind me of a trip to Ranthambore park in India, famous for having (not many) lions.

We'd been out on the jeep fo a few hours and hadn't seen too much, just a lot of Sambar deer. In particular I found it hard to spot some of the smaller animals as I had left my glasses at home.

Towards the end of the trip someone said "look! a tiger" I looked up and grabbed my camera and there it was - it was some distance away but there it was, mostly hidden under some undergrowth. I joined the others loudly admiring its beauty, whilst looking through the camera "oh my God its beautiful isn't it! Wow, a real tiger in the wild, I can't believe it. So powerful!".

After a minute the excitement died down and the group started chattering about what we'd seen. The jeep started to move off, and I said "lets see if we can get a bit closer and take some more pictures!"

My wife said "what are you talking about, its gone". It transpired that everyone in the party had been admiring a tiger just metres behind the jeep, whereas I had been photographing a tree stump.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 9:21, 4 replies)

This
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KejwqhLDeOs

Ignore the gimp at the beginning.
(bluetuba has a special friend in Blue Label Smirnoff, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 7:43, Reply)

Sigh
I was Up North, on the shores of Lake Superior with a good friend. We'd talked ourselves out and were lying in the sand. We rolled over just in time to see a triple rainbow.
But wait, there's more! A cloud moved, a fourth rainbow came into view and this www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I came on the transistor radio.


Perfection! Tears come to my eyes every time I hear that song.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 6:42, Reply)

I know I just posted one
But I just took my first shit in 2 days.




A bootyfull moment if ever there was one.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 1:35, Reply)

Staying in Majorca
Met this girl, we got on great. We were always hanging out and whatnot just flirting and talking. One day she says we should consummate our relationship. ACE! So all day I'm trembling and so hard I could hammer enough nails to build a house.
That evening we kiss for the first time, it was wonderful. Then we were standing on the balcony, bodies pressed against each other. She said, "what's that?"
"I want you so bad I'm rock hard." I told her.
She jumped a bit...and fell over the balcony.

Well, it was a beautiful moment, till the end.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 1:22, Reply)

land of the midnight snow
it's not quite what you're thinking and it wasn't quite midnight.

several years ago, i was happily watching a late-night film on telly, when suddenly, there was a loud knocking at my front door. wondering who could be calling at 2 a.m, i went to the door to find out.
one of my neighbours, a young bloke called EZ, was swaying drunkenly on my doorstep.
"it's snowing!" he beamed, "come and have a snowball fight!"
without thinking twice, i followed him outside into the heavily-falling snow. for the next hour, we whooped and yelled around the otherwise silent street, hurling snowballs at each other.
it was cold, it was dark, it was utterly silly, but it was wonderful.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 23:44, Reply)

Can I share one from today?
I made a friend on line who happens to have the same model motorcycle as me, he turned out to be a great guy and have become good friends.

I popped over to see him today and it was perfect, not too hot, no rain and quiet roads. So we took a blast out on our bikes, playing on twisty roads and enjoying the sensation of riding bikes quickly.

The moment came when we were riding home on the motorway, the sun was shining on us, My bike is silver and his is blue, we both had blacked out visors and the the road was almost empty. The speedo was in three figures and I was in the middle lane leading the way. He pulled up in the outside lane next to me, both riding on the tonne and for half a mile we rode like that. I looked over at him just as he looked over at me and at that moment I knew I was alive and doing something that I absolutely love. Just riding my bike with my mate. The wheels were a blur, the engine was singing and the road felt like it had been made for just us.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 23:00, 1 reply)

One eighth of an orgasm.
I just sneezed while having a much-needed piss.

Beautiful.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 22:17, 7 replies)

I heard the sound... that same sound that I had heard every day for years...
....that familiar rasping snorting sound.

As always,I left the house to stand in the garden and look towards the source...

There she was... banking to the left as she circled over Beckenham, Kent, preparing to land at Heathrow.

Concorde! That beautiful, magnificent machine.

October, 2003 and I realised that I would never experience the same elation again and shed a tear.

I miss it!

Fucking French!!

(Sorry... not quite relevant, but hey... it's an oportunity to slag off the French.)
(bof, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 21:21, 12 replies)

The worst thing about beautiful moments
It's pretty straightforward - we all have moments where something amazing happens in life and it makes you feel really good or whatever.

The horrible thing is you can't ever have the first beautiful moment again, it's there and it's gone in a flash. A bit like catching a snowflake in your throat. And the only thing you are stuck with is a memory.

I keep reliving over in my head a first kiss I had with a girl. I'm a single guy now so it's painful enough. But the whole night that I met the girl, spent hours talking to her, thinking how beautiful her smile was. How that she didn't mind that in my haste to shave I'd cut a skintag off my face by accident and had bled all the way down my neck prompting a hasty trip to Tesco for plasters looking like Sweeney Todd's last victim.

Walking her back to her car at closing time. In -2 temperatures, but feeling warm cause her hand somehow linked round mine now. Walking for ages just in silence holding her hand, looking at her every now and again and seeing her looking back and smiling. Getting to her car and her gently and softly kissing me. Then looking at me again, and kissing me exactly the same way again and giggling slightly. Before she drove off home again.

At that moment, I could have been walking on the top of the stratosphere. It was pure hollywood. The fact is though I will never get to have that moment again. Not even if I tried a thousand times will I have this beautiful moment again.

All of you people who have kids and loving husbands/wives/significant others will get to see that moment over and again every time they see who they love. I just have a memory and that isn't much fun in my opinion.

Although to be fair, I had a shit after being constipated and I too nearly saw the face of my maker. Is this a high or low point end to the post?
(mediumpete and his frozen cheese collection wrote this, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 20:39, 1 reply)

Flash Spank
This was about two years ago, and it was quite surprising.

It was about 3:30 a.m. outside on the Las Vegas Strip, and things were slowing down on the street. Along with a few other, scattered men, I boarded a moving walkway to take me up to one of the entrances to my hotel. There was a group of about four bored prostitutes idling around the hotel entrance. They quickly decided to drum up some business by forming a gauntlet and spanking the men riding the walkway. They assembled, spanked, and dispersed, all in about 30 seconds: like a disciplinary Flash Mob.

We need more of these Flash Spanks.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 19:38, Reply)

I'm still trying to work my iphone
and yesterday, in a packed hospital waiting room, I somehow managed to set it off playing that 'Uses Of The Word Fuck' thing, very loudly indeed.

I couldn't shut it up, so had to scramble for the exit, apologising profusely as I went, face like a beetroot.

When I eventually managed to stop it and slink back in, I was met with grins and winks from the other people waiting.

Nobody was offended, they just thought I was an idiot. Bless'em.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 19:00, 2 replies)

Flying through space with shoes on
So a few moons back, a friend and I decided eat some fungi that he had bought from an acquaintance of his, needless to say we were tripping balls, and as we ventured out into the garden to have a quick midnight spliff we lay on the grass looking at the stars,

at that moment i could feel myself on the face of the planet blasting through space and heading towards the stars, it felt as though i was being pushed back into the grass by the sheer force of it
He simply said 'If you think about it, we're all just monkeys with shoes on a rock floating through space,
I have never been so high
I actually cried.

and they say drugs are bad for you! I take drugs and I was captain of a spaceship the size of a planet!
(Rco has been clean and sober since, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 18:25, 3 replies)

The doors
At wook there’s two double doors that open automatically - but quite slowly - when you blip your card on the reader.

I was standing waiting for them to open fully, just as a gaggle of girls walked past.

The doors, it would seem, have developed an itch, and the rubber binding that covers the hinges now makes an audible, very life-like farting sound: “Frrr-rrrt!”.

Cue girls gasping in shock, staring at me, and walking off giggling.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 18:20, Reply)

I just worked out a way
to make breast milk alcoholic.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 18:04, 4 replies)

New Forest - Cycling
Me and ex-misses were pretty pissed off about something that has no bearing on the QotW, and we decided that a weekend away would be in order.
We booked a little B&B in the New Forest and set off on our merry way.

On the Saturday we went walking about Lyndhurst et al, and saw a family on a load of bikes that they had obviously hired due to the markings etc... We asked where they hired them from and they gave us directions.
We got there and lo-and-behold - they had a TANDEM! We both looked at each other and we had to have a go of this thing.
We duly hired it, and set off on our way. We had no trouble apart from the fact that I could cycle faster than her, and so I effectively ended up doing most of the cycling.
We stopped at a style (sty? I never have worked out what those bloody things are called - I'm sure someone will tell me) for a rest and a drink when along came another couple. They too stopped for a rest and a drink.

"We thought about hiring that tandem, " says the bloke "but we worried that we wouldn't be able to balance on it properly."

"Nah, " says me and the misses, "the balance is no problem, it's getting both of your cycling speeds in synch that's the problem."

So, we have a bit of a chat about it, then the misses and I jump back on our trusty speed, set off, and fall flat on our sides in a fuck off great muddy puddle.

So, while I didn't actually get to see the beautiful moment, judging by the shrieks of laughter coming from the other couple as they cycled away barely able to balance themselves due to pissing themselves, I'm guessing someone did!
(dchurch bah, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 17:32, 5 replies)

Having Just got back
from a holiday in Kenya, I have had a few beautiful moments whilst over there. Seeing Mount Kilimanjaro at sunrise and at sunset, seeing a leopard relax on a tree stump, looking out at the indian ocean whilst relaxing by the pool.

But one moment stands out in particular. On the second day of a 4 day safari, we heard from other drivers that a lioness had been found enjoying a snooze at sunset. Whilst the people in the other 14 minivans were snapping away at a sleeping, overgrown cat, I turned around and took this photo of the sunset.

( Jinxy13 is hating the S key, right about now., Wed 11 Aug 2010, 16:37, 1 reply)

boobs
(uknowsit, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 15:01, 4 replies)

omg i wuz like huh?!?!?! an she was like o yeah! an i was like totally omg!!!!!!!!1!!!!
Best.

Night.

Ever.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 13:40, 7 replies)

Just wrote 100 lines of ActionScript without testing
Worked first time!

Not bad considreing I only started learning it last week...
( BlueHaze Chutney. All good., Wed 11 Aug 2010, 12:56, 2 replies)

I saw this monument
It apparently celebrates the contributions Italian immigrants have made to the culture of Edmonton, Canada:

www.flickr.com/photos/andytaylor1234567/4880689864/sizes/s/in/photostream/
(thrain, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 11:23, 1 reply)