Plain Potato, no skin, no butter, no salt, nothing but pure potato.... from a hospital trolly.
Those who know me on here know that I have something called Crones Desease. I won't get into the blah-blah about it, but growing up they had a treatment called "CT3211", it was something expermental by Nestlé designed for astronaughts. It's a formular containing everything you need to stay alive nutritionally... and nothing else. Space wise, I presume they're allowed to put some sort of flavouring in it, but crones wise, it was the extreme bare minimum as to what you need. The idea is that it'll do a total detox of your body, that there is nothing inside you that isn't accounted for, even chewing gum was out. This forumular, medically sterial water (tastes matalic, it's not just boiled water), and.... that's it. Third time around I was allowed Crusha milkshake syrup with the forumlar, which I'll get onto later on.

The formula was horrific tasting, it had the consistency of a McDonalds milkshake, ever so slightly lumpy. The smell was that of Off Milk, and there mear smell of off-milk now brings me both a bad nostalgia and nausea. Taste wise, without the crusha milkshake, it's still Off Milkish, I think Cardboard would be the most similar thing I can think of at the moment, but it was worst than that. Out of my friends and family who tried a taste of it, hardly any could swallow without reflex gags. I had to have two litres of the stuff, and nothing else. I wasn't even allowed to brush my teeth, but once a week I would need a singular crisp or bite of a mars bar.... and that was bliss.

Dad wrote to Crusha to explain my situation on the third time, as I was gracefully allowed to add the sweet syrup. I'll be honest, it helped, but it was still terrible. In return one morning I woke up to find about 10 boxes in the kitchen with my name on; very exciting to a kid. I opened them up to find bottle upon bottle of Crusha, chocolate, banana (the best one), strawberry.... passion fruit, blueberry, rasberry, toffee, and many many more that never made it to manufacturing (I can't remember the others, but I remember there were 12 flavours in total).

After two months of this, my body is finally rebooted, for lack of a better word, and after the results of a Colonoscopy, I was allowed to be reintroduced back onto food, one thing at a time for months on end. The idea is that for the first week, I was allowed the insides of a potato, second week was marmite, and so on until I'm eating normally (took about a year). They start off with thing people are statisticly the less amount of people are alergic too, and if I come across something that sets me off, go back two weeks and see if it really is that food that is setting me off.

I remember coming around from the colonscopy on the ward at the Royal Free, and the doctor being there saying my inflamation has reduced to an acceptable level and I'm ready for the next stage. I was so excited. The first thing up is the insides of a potato, I was allowed half a potato from the trolly. I'm sure it was one of those things where the potato has been on the trolly one day, uneaten, then put back into heater the next day like stock on a shelf that gets pushed to the front as the sale-by-date goes forward. It was a taste explosion, pure pleasure, the first real solid thing I had swallowed in two months, the slightly chewy texture was amazing. It was pure unadolterated pleasure, like being underwater for a whole minute or two and then coming up for a breath. Michaline stars, my favorite meal Ma' can make, any resturant on the planet... nothing can compare to this half a potato (no skin, no butter, no salt, no nothing)...

.... and the next week I got try Marmite, marmite on potato or marmite in hot water (medically sterial water still), with a little less forumlar than before. And it was just as amazing. Week on week of new textures, flavours, smells... experiances. And with each one, bought less of that dreeded forumlar.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 28 May 2011, 12:42, 21 replies)

That really makes me think how much I value food
Guess you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Happy that you're able to eat (sort of) properly again. Did they ever find what was setting you off?
(Robin of the Hood isn't into the whole brevity thing, Sat 28 May 2011, 12:55, closed)

I'm afraid I'm still not entirely sure, heavely fried food en-mass, like a giant plate of real chips, sometimes sets me off (but not always), and some rich food (such as heavy curries) somtimes does it too.
But I don't have anything that sets me off all the time.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 28 May 2011, 13:24, closed)

Good story
during the 'reintroduction' was there anything you used to hate that now liked or vice versa?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 28 May 2011, 13:02, closed)

Yeah', I didn't drink/eat anything bassed for about 6-7 years, as it would bring back floods of memories.
Where as Cerial used to be my favorite thing ever.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 28 May 2011, 13:27, closed)

I can only imagine the horror of the formula.
Well done for sticking it and good tale.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 28 May 2011, 14:02, closed)

Cheers =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 28 May 2011, 15:15, closed)

Does Crohn's affect your ability to spell
or is that a separate condition?
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Sat 28 May 2011, 15:07, closed)

No, it's the dyslexia that effects my ability to spell.
The objective of communication is to convey a point or message. The words that I wrote were all understood in the context they were written without any difficulty and thus my objective was complete; if admittedly a tad sloppily compared to one who had the ability to spell completely as to the rules of the English language.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 28 May 2011, 15:21, closed)

BUMER

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 28 May 2011, 15:22, closed)

Fairy nuff

( clockworkrat has nice pants, Sat 28 May 2011, 17:16, closed)

Don't feel the need to apologise for your rampant dickery though.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 28 May 2011, 18:24, closed)

spelling
is merely a convention. As long as you can be understood, it matters not one bit how it is screwed together.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Sat 28 May 2011, 21:51, closed)

Which is another way of saying
You don't know where your spell checker is. There are tools to help you. Why not use them?
( evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Sat 28 May 2011, 23:10, closed)

if only there was a treatment for cuntitis.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 28 May 2011, 17:10, closed)

Buttsecks would be the only option

( clockworkrat has nice pants, Sat 28 May 2011, 17:17, closed)

I'm totally updating my sig with the "dreeded forumlar"

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 28 May 2011, 15:24, closed)

And now, hopefully, people will stop moaning about this weeks QOTW as they can now understand why you might be interested in the subject.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 28 May 2011, 15:33, closed)

Totally get your love for food even more now
Well, I got it before, because good food is ace, but that level of appreciation, true appreciation, must be amazing.

Food on, Lovely Gonz :)
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Sat 28 May 2011, 15:37, closed)

My nephew had to do that..
for *ages*..he always described it as wallpaper paste mixed with crushed vitamin tablets. Poor little fucker lived off it for years. Eventually had to have the old hole and bag op, but now hes a strapping young man, healthy (no more bag), creative, smart and very very funny. and Im dead proud of him. Good on you sir, you have my respect.
(CantSleepClownsWillGetMe Likes: Turtles, Sat 28 May 2011, 16:21, closed)

Members of my family have had to go through this for their Crohn's.
I hope to god that the gene hasn't found its way to me, or that - if it has - stem-cell technology allows for the growing of a new gut by the time it manifests.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sat 28 May 2011, 18:16, closed)

Eurgh, that's terrible, I love food as well so I can only imagine how awful that must have been. Glad you got eating kind of properly again. It must have been like being a baby again trying new things only more sentient if you see what I mean?
(resurrection_mary cannibal_ferox, Sun 29 May 2011, 22:55, closed)