I am shitting on your penis
This means "hello" in Clevedon
(A small damp ball of cotton, Wed 27 Jan 2016, 15:44, 5 replies)

Munging
that is all
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 27 Jan 2016, 12:20, Reply)

how rude!
baba is Sheffield for shit (not very good)

my Mrs uses the expression wide-on, a female version of a hard-on.
(nattydread, Wed 27 Jan 2016, 11:31, 1 reply)

profanisaurus
A humourous book based on British slang made by the Viz..

oh wait...

Edit - next thing you will be telling me theres a top tips!
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 27 Jan 2016, 10:30, Reply)

he's had the whole world, in his mum

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 27 Jan 2016, 10:07, 3 replies)

your mum

( $$ ✅, Wed 27 Jan 2016, 8:55, Reply)

9/11

( $$ ✅, Tue 26 Jan 2016, 21:18, 1 reply)

'Eleanor Rigby's funeral'
A mutually unsatisfying sexual encounter.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Jan 2016, 20:01, Reply)

The Definitive Answer?
A dictionary of slang, jargon & cant embracing English, American, and Anglo-Indian slang, pidgin English, tinker's jargon, and other irregular phraseology. Compiled and edited by Albert Barrère and Charles G. Leland.
(uncle_bud is not the jelly roll king., Tue 26 Jan 2016, 18:20, 1 reply)

To Irish ears
Does britain even have slang? Surely there's not enough time with watching the queen and drinking tea and all that lark? Maybe you have different names for your umbrellas like ones portable plastic rain displacement device?

I've also heard you's say "What what?" alot and "My good man Jeeves".

And dessert is called pudding despite it not being pudding.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Tue 26 Jan 2016, 15:59, 5 replies)

My daughter will grow up in Poland, but it's important for her to retain her British heritage
so I'll be using the following phrases to ensure she knows her Kentish roots:

Wotcha - Hello
Wotcha bin up to? - How are you?
Innit - I agree
Sweet as/safe - everything is working well
It's Xing its little heart out (insert verb at X) - it sounds like its broken
Shut it you tart - be quiet

This will ensure that she'll be able to forge a stronger relationship with her Britannic grandparents, and form the basis for the British Colony of Poland.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 26 Jan 2016, 9:48, 1 reply)

If your significant other isn't feeling well in North America
Don't tell everyone she's gone for a lie down with a bit of a dicky tummy
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 25 Jan 2016, 11:40, 2 replies)

To Cry A Saltwater Pool Of Tears After Fingering Dogs
Pretty much this, right here. -__-
(yeswehavenopasties, Mon 25 Jan 2016, 7:38, Reply)

First thing in the morning I like to go for a So Solid Crew.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 25 Jan 2016, 6:04, 9 replies)

'Fuck a horse' is slang for 'Good Morning'

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 25 Jan 2016, 2:48, Reply)

404gotten
As this place will end up in the near future.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 24 Jan 2016, 23:56, Reply)

Wank wank wank wank wanky wank wank wank wank
It means having a wank or summat
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 24 Jan 2016, 23:12, 1 reply)

Alright you fucking cunt bastard spastic horse slasher cunt twat fucking shitcunt fuckhead faggot

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 24 Jan 2016, 23:10, Reply)

you suck poo for biscuits.

( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Sun 24 Jan 2016, 20:46, Reply)

shove it up your arse and fart it out of your cunt

( $$ ✅, Sun 24 Jan 2016, 17:20, Reply)

Moribund Flebsite

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 24 Jan 2016, 10:43, Reply)

Disasterbation.
Usually when high on chems, when one is going at it like Ray Mears lighting a fire, yet is unable to fire off a tadpole squadron.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 23 Jan 2016, 22:55, 2 replies)

A drowned teddy
When having a quick glance back in the pan after a long sitting, your turds look like the submerged, lifeless limbs of a teddy bear.
( Araucaria is such a tit, Sat 23 Jan 2016, 20:49, Reply)

Curtis, interrupt us.
round my neck of the woods we would say 'she's brave n fonda the rodd' or ' she's con10 at the bul' , both meaning a lady who likes the coitus.
(terryhoosh remembers when this was all fields, Sat 23 Jan 2016, 16:00, Reply)

Furry muff.

(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Sat 23 Jan 2016, 12:18, 1 reply)

Juicing the sausage

( $$ ✅, Sat 23 Jan 2016, 10:01, Reply)

Kidderminstered - to be in a state that is difficult to describe
Sally pulled down her pants revealing a pubic mound of neatly cropped black hair, shaven into the shape of a swastika
"Well?", she said. "What are you waiting for?"
"It's not like a don't want to, Sally", I said hesitating. "It's just I'm feeling a bit kidderminstered. Give me a minute and I'll be ready to go"
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sat 23 Jan 2016, 6:57, 4 replies)