Crown Cunts of Norway
I'm British, but while I was on the train from Oslo to Trondheim even I was horrifically pissed off by this one English family sitting behind me. They just wouldn't fucking shut up, and Norwegian trains have a similar level of conversation to the London underground.

Their children just kept talking, trying to pronounce every Norwegian safety sign within reach loud enough for everyone to hear, and of course mispronouncing every word in their horrible high pitched Surrey accents. Their mother kept commenting on the apparent bleakness (it was February and getting dark at 5) and telling her vile spawn how 'we need to remember to respect those worse off than ourselves' (Norway is the 3rd richest country in the world in terms of GDP).

Anyway, these ignorant bastards kept at it for the six hours until we reached Trondheim, but the carriage was saved briefly by someone shouting 'Hold kjeft fir helvete!' (shut the fuck up). Anyway, these cunts caught up with me as soon as they realised I was british in Trondheim station, and asked me 'Excuse me, can you please direct us to the nearest convenient car hire?' No fucking clue. 'Why don't you ask someone?' 'Oh, we've tried, but they all speak Norwegian.' you don't say. 'Most of these people speak English, you know.'

'But so do you.' Well noticed. 'So fucking what?' I was getting really impatient. she and her spouse looked shocked: 'Where we come from we don't use that kind of language!' I raised my voice, 'Where I come from people don't bring up their bratty children to think of 'us and them'. Most importantly, we don't let them act like cunts.' I then poured abuse at them, until I stormed out of the station to find the hotel. I could hear the children crying and the man getting indignant behind me.

Why can't brits just learn a bit about the country they're visiting and control their bloody children?
(a humble reindeer herder serial milk-drinker, compulsive liar., Fri 25 Apr 2014, 15:43, 18 replies)

To be fair, it sounds like the parents intentions were good,
even if their total ignorance led the execution to be terrible.

Also, couldn't you have just sorted the issue out during the first of the 6 hours... sitting there stewing about it for ages is commendable, and typically British, but also your fault.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 15:49, closed)

so you timidly put up with an annoyance for a six hour journey
and then dreamt up an alternative ending where you suddenly grew some stones and put them in their place

cool
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 15:58, closed)

I have to admit that you sir are on form today.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 16:28, closed)

fucker even passed up an opportunity for a Cnut joke
the useless viking prick
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 16:54, closed)

How did they realise you were British?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 16:03, closed)

because otherwise his fantasy revenge couldn't have happened
don't go picking holes in his movie plot
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 16:05, closed)

but did you get the girl?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 16:18, closed)

Pity there aren't any cheap flights between Oslo and Trondheim.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 16:27, closed)

Yuh,
actually, you sound like a dick.
(username failed moderation, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 17:19, closed)

FFS cut the guy some slack.
actually no, the prior posters were right!

If you have an issue, state it!
(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Fri 25 Apr 2014, 17:49, closed)

Please stay off public transport in future

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 17:50, closed)

This story conveys more about you
than your subject.

A British prick abroad.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 18:17, closed)

I do hope this isn't George! trolling us again via a different account
boy would we all look foolish
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 18:26, closed)

You seem to be the cunt in this story.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 25 Apr 2014, 22:21, closed)

twat

( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Sat 26 Apr 2014, 16:09, closed)

you make me ashamed to be Scottish

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 27 Apr 2014, 7:13, closed)

Excuse me good man...
I hate to be the spoilsport that points out the dead fly in your Irn Bru, the pube in your Tennents, the stuff they put in haggis - in your haggis... But -

A chap claiming to be an acquaintance of yours has just posted what can only be described as "some stuff that happened", in which he refers to you as both 'twatty' and 'friend'.

Nobody would blame you if your retaliation involved you tossing a caber right up his Taggart.

Scotch Eggs.
(Andrew Avetoom, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 21:19, closed)