Premature
interrogation
.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:06, Reply)

premature
sorry my dear, this never usually happens.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:04, 2 replies)

LAST last or Lastish
LAST is as much a gentle prompt as a kick up the bum.... New QOFT please?
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:02, Reply)

LAST!!
Or maybe not..?!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:00, 3 replies)

In which mrgibbles posts an actual story
Years back I called the BT operator in order to make a reverse charge call, and I got one of those annoying automated thingies on the other end

Automated Thingie: What... Service... Would you like
me (slowly and clearly articulating each word carefully): REV-ERSE CHARG-ED CALL PL-EASE
AT: State... The... Number
me: 0..1.. 3..4..9 3..2..1..4... etc
AT: You... Said... 12323242
me: or for fuck's sakes

and hung up, then re-dialled

Me (articulating more carefully this time): REV-EEERRRRSE CHARRR-GEEE CALL PLEEE-EEEASE

Only to get the same operator back, who wasn't an automated voice at all as it turned out, but a real-life actual person.. who just happened to sound a bit like a robot.

Conversation ended like this:

Operator: Please don't waste our time. Does your mum or carer know you're using the phone?

I was 22 years old.
( rofl harris, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:56, 3 replies)

someone rang asking me about the reason for the demise of the mining industry in cornwall
my dad told them (I was)no tin
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:54, Reply)

Someone called...
But I was out, so they left a message on my answer machine.
(langers, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:53, Reply)

last
ish
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:53, 4 replies)

Last?
second to last perhaps?
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:51, 1 reply)

I worked for an Islamic call centre once..
But they had to let me go due to a drop in Prophets..
(Code of Post lives at the moment in time that is..., Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:49, 1 reply)

someone called me to ask if i was a ship's steering mechanism
but i wasn't helm
( weaver., Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:48, Reply)

someone etc
where the heart is

blah, blah

not home
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Someone rang asking if I was a flat or a steep islet in the Bristol channel
but i wasn't holm.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:44, Reply)

Someone called me asking if I was the football commentator for BBC television in the 1950s and 1960s, responsible, during the closing moments of the 1966 World Cup final, for the sport's most famous commentary phrase.
But I wasn't (Kenneth Wolsten)holme.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:44, Reply)

Someone rang asking if I was a municipality in the district of Nordfriesland, in Schleswig-Holstein, Germany
But I wasn't Holm
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Someone from b3ta called me regarding a grammatical error
but I wasn't their

/edit Stops this nonsense now and goes outside
( rofl harris, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:38, 1 reply)

Matt Groening tried calling me up
But I wasn't Home(r).
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:37, Reply)

A gay man tried calling me up
But I wasn't Home. Oh.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:37, Reply)

Someone called to ask if I was a small town...

...On the Isle of Lewis, but I wasn't Holm...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:30, Reply)

Last one honest
Someone called and asked if i was a contest where two participants fight each other with their fists.

But i wasn't a bout
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:26, Reply)

A Canadian called up and asked if i was a shoe that was designed to keep out water and other elements
But i wasn't aboot
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:23, Reply)

Someone called up and asked if i was formed by the lower front of the mandible
But i wasn't chin
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:21, Reply)

Someone called me up asking if I was an old Russ Abbott character
But I wasn't (Barratt) Holmes.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:15, 4 replies)

I've got a couple ...
I worked in a call centre a few years ago, but never stayed long enough to get torrents of abuse or weirdos phoning me. (I left just after completed my training - had a better job offer.)

I have had a couple of incidents with call centres in the past year that have given me reason to rant.

1) It was December last year and my Dad had just passed away. It was quite sudden and, as you can imagine, we were all in a state of shock. Imagine my absolute horror and disgust when my Mum received a phone from some Indian guy from an unknown ambulance chaser company who began with the line "Hello, we heard your husband was recently in an accident and is in hospital. Would you like to claim compensation for him?" WTF?!!!

Firstly, my Dad died from complications from stomach surgery and a stroke. Secondly, how the FUCK did they find out that my Dad was in a hospital? Or do they start all calls with that line?! My Mum was so upset that she went into shock and just put the phone down. Never did find out who those wankers were.

2) Somehow a money company who I had never heard of managed to get a hold of my personal details and wanted to give me a loan, even though I didn't want one. The first time they phoned, I explained to them that I did not need a loan and that I wanted my details removing from their system. I got put through to another department, only to have some guy try to force me to buy income insurance using scare tactics! Wankers!

They still keep calling, writing to me and texting me. I keep responding with FUCK OFF! Hasn't worked. :(
(camomile, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:15, Reply)

Someone called up asking if I was a doughnut
But I wasn't a-round...

*tumbleweed*
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:14, Reply)

Someone called me up asking if I was Paul Gascoigne
But I wasn't around..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:06, Reply)

A man rings up NHS Direct
and explains he's got a siren impaled through his chest on a pole, blood and guts everywhere. He goes on to explain that he's been like this for three days and he just can't get any sleep.

"My God, that's terrible!" says the phone monkey.

"Tell me about it... the siren goes off at 4 am every fucking morning..."
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Someone called up to ask how many blokes went into a pub.
But he was unaware of his surroundings, so to derive humour from the situation would be exploitative.
( The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 11:59, Reply)

!!!!
True story - a Canadian rang me this morning, to ask if I would carry him across the English channel.

But I wasn't aboat.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 11:58, 4 replies)