I had noticed he'd gone a bit mental in recent weeks
normally it's just textbook trolling, and he's a great proponent of the art I enjoy reading. But there's been a few times recently when he seemed genuinely upset, which was unusual for him. People like Albert are weird fantasists blathering their lies to satisfy some neurosis or other, but you're never going to permanently win against them on internet messageboards. All you can do is mock them and not take it too seriously. I think Shambo started taking it all too seriously. He needs to play to his strengths
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 0:58, 2 replies)

^Very much this.
His signature dark humour has been conspicuously absent from his increasingly frenetic trolling lately, and I think the flamewar with Albert is genuinely getting to him. Dude, take a holiday or something. Take the afternoon off, sit in the garden with a book and a pint and get it all out of your system.
( .Yeti., Mon 29 Sep 2014, 6:45, closed)

Don't blame me for his catastrophic meltdown.

The signs have always been there...he's a washed-up wannabe academic, eking out a living in the arse-end of Stoke.

All he really had in life was the burning desire to prove me wrong and he just could not take it when he failed - so he had a most enjoyable online meltdown, where even Fatty Fairholme took him to school.

The poor sod has goaded many into an online breakdown - but his own, when it came, made all the others look sane in comparison!
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 9:30, closed)

Hang on.
Are you saying you're not a creepy fantasist?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 9:49, closed)

I've truly been out-creeped here. Did you see what Dr.S posted?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:33, closed)

No, the mods took it down whilst I wasn't obsessively trawling this site.
Good to hear that you are still a creepy weirdo, though. It's good to find something to rely upon.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:52, closed)

Gaz screencaps plz

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:53, closed)

can we at least have a brief synopsis?

( rofl harris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:17, closed)

I'm not sure we'd be able to find anyone capable of giving a dispassionate, impartial account of the facts.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:21, closed)

MODS!
Sorry, forgot that the mods only log in once every 7 1/2 years. What are the odds that the last time they bothered was just in time for for the Shambles meltdown
(Dr Doctor Can't you see I'm burning burning?, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 15:35, closed)

Fathelme posted a copy of gazzes received by Dr.S - which were replaced in seconds by a mod-edit agreeing how disturbing and mentally unhinged they were, and that they'd been deleted for our own protection.

As I recall, it was a nasty threat to Fatty's family. But then again I only saw it for a matter of seconds.

Like I said - I've been well out-creeped.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:06, closed)

Hahaha. This is amazing.
You've run out of stuff to make up about your real life so now you're making stuff up about your online life.
(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:38, closed)

I'm not blaming you, Albert.
He's always been the master of his own reactions up to now, which is why it surprised me all the more when he became obsessed with his own game.
( .Yeti., Mon 29 Sep 2014, 10:21, closed)

exactly. the right sort of reaction would be to mock him as an obvious compulsive liar in a thread, the kind of bloke who feels the need to invent holidays, and that would be end of it
there's little to be gained by taking it further. It's not like Albert is the type to have any sort of honest self awareness or shame, creepy fantasists seldom do, so you're not going to provoke him into anything. The smart move would have been just to move on and wait for the next batch of self-aggrandising falsehoods, instead of working yourself into a lather and crossing that line.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 10:51, closed)

A great proponent of the art?
He's just a dickhead. Nobody gives a shit about anything he says, it's just irritating.

And if you think he's not still here, posting 18 hours a day, you're not paying attention.

He's not a troll, he's just a flamer.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 10:42, closed)

speak for yourself.
I've read a lot of dreadful anecdotes and obvious lies improved by his calling of their bullshit, and in recent years the back-and-forth is often more entertaining than the weeks output. He can be a bit confronting, but B3ta isn't really the place for little delicate flowers looking for affirmation, and never has been. I still tell an ancedote if I have one, week in and week out, and it's never bothered me. I tend to think of him as like Waldorf from the muppet show. A site needs a Waldorf
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:02, closed)

I like this.

( .Yeti., Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:13, closed)

I agree.

He was on occasion quite funny. But he didn't like it up him and when Slob Fathouse gave it back - he flipped.

Don't fret. His sock puppet will be here any minute. If it isn't already...
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:30, closed)

^this
he's a cunt, but a funny cunt.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:46, closed)

Replies to replies to win
^
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:17, closed)

Depends on your definition of delicate wallflowers.
In practice, that's about 90% of the people who used to post here.

Most of the rest is just bickering with the flamers. There's very little new content, and when there is half the time our little flamer thinks it's necessary to harass the poster into giving up and going somewhere else.

Is that a good thing? No, not really. Does that matter? Nope, not even slightly.

They have lamed this place to death. One day, nobody will bother.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:47, closed)

Christ you are really really TEDIOUS

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:20, closed)

^upset

(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:33, closed)

Nah.
You are a just a tedious cunt.
(immadme, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:58, closed)

he's right though
Its why, while I persistently criticise the flamers (it is a better and more apt description than trolls, so I will adopt it going forward), I also always ignore2 them first so as not to get into a bicker-debate with them.

I joined this site after a long period of reading the old QOTWs. Just as the quality represented there started to collapse into an internecine war. I still have hopes we can go back to actually sharing funny stories as a majority of postings. Fingers crossed.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 18:16, closed)

but he is not right and neither are you. you are imagining the past as being somehow different, it wasn't.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 18:42, closed)

If I am genuinely incorrect...
... then I'd appreciate being shown how so

All the old QOTWs are still accessible. I've read the lot. Before a certain point they dont have any in-sequence replies, meaning either a database migration has been done badly or the board lacked the functionality at some point, and I dont know which. However many recent ones seem complete in every detail

Have the mods been going back in time and cleaning it up for standards? was it more actively modded back in the day? or am I right?
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:16, closed)

you are suffering from cognitive dissonance and adding to the crying of serial none productive troll hardly helps

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:27, closed)

I have a lot of respect for you but you have failed to prove your point here and it shouldnt be that hard to do so if you are right.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:55, closed)

I will not prove but I will not agree to the one track logic that 'flamers' or trolls ruined qotw.
I blame (?) all the other social media mediums for the decline in volume of posts and numbers visiting the site. As to the general sense of humour.

And then I shit myself
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 20:07, closed)

lol :-)
Thanks - that makes more sense
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 20:12, closed)

The flamers didn't ruin QOTW.
They ruined the talk board, then ruined QOTW.

They're now ruining top tips.

It's pretty obvious. The cretinous wittering that /talk consists of is boring. You spotted QOTW was a lot more interesting, so started here. Problem is, you're all fucking morons, and QOTW became more of the same.

Then you spotted top tips was pretty funny, and thought you;d perk it up with gems like "make sure you mention suicide, attempted suicides and death of loved ones no matter what the qotw subject matter.
This will prove to all readers that you are very much a weepy mess and probably from Australia."

I mean, why would anyone read that and not want to join in?

So, just the main board left to fuck up, and you can call the job done.
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:10, closed)

Oh man, whatever you do don't look at bugs and features requests
You do NOT want to see what those bastards have been doing there
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:14, closed)

Correct

(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:18, closed)

Christ you are really really TEDIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:46, closed)

Woah, leave #bafr out of this please.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 11:29, closed)

Christ you are really really TEDIOUS

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:46, closed)

When
it first started, QOTW wasn't set up for replies. Some users reckon that was the beginning of the end.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:30, closed)

The board lacked the functionality
Initially, it wasn't possible to reply.
( rofl harris, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 13:15, closed)

you know, the solution to there not being enough good anecdotes is to write good anecdotes
not to fill up these boards with constant whining. It's not really a substitute.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:59, closed)

What for?
I used to do it, but when every time you do you just get a lot of static from these idiots, it becomes pointless.

Too late for that, this place is ruined. I only stay because it annoys the puppies.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:09, closed)

Christ you are really really TEDIOUS

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:37, closed)

there you go again...

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:40, closed)

haha.
Don't do a Shambo on us and get all upset because people aren't doing what you're telling them to do. It just makes you look like a furious little bitch, and people will laugh at you.

Right, Shambo?
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 14:49, closed)

You've failed at internet you stupid prick

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:04, closed)

^Still upset.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:53, closed)

I know.
Furious.

It's just too ghastly.
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 14:45, closed)

Are you saying that your anecdotes don't have any point
unless you have a captive audience who will agree that you're awesome?

If you had the courage of your convictions you would post your anecdotes regardless and not let someone random on the internet bother you. Instead, 95% of your output is bitching about trolls in a whiny way.

No, the trolling is not the epitome of wit, but in general it comprises fire-and-forget comments which are at least sometimes funny. Those who mocked you will have done so casually, barely interested in your existence beyond the luls of that moment. However your whiny bitching is always dull, but more to the point is *meaningful*. Arguably, if you've stayed here beyond your own threshold of tolerance simply to annoy the trolls, then you've got more spite and bile inside you than your enemies have ever had.

FFS wax and feather your back.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 15:34, closed)

I'm not bothered by people mocking me, but when they
bring their pointless prattling to every single thread, it just becomes pointless to get involved.

Most of the time, it's not mocking anyway. A lot of it of it is stuff like whatever has just popped into dr queefs head, whether it makes any sense or not.

These posters simply have no filters. They never question whether they should post something, they just do it.

Hence Shambo manages to rack up 100,000+ posts one one account. It's simply impossible for him to create such an avalanche of posts and not have 99% of it be absolute drivel.

Anyway, if my whining annoys you, ignore me. Don't whine about me whining, that's just stupid.
(username failed moderation, Wed 1 Oct 2014, 14:14, closed)

You still think someone values your opinion. Why do you waste your time with these futile, long winded comebacks.
No one gives a flying fuck about you or your opinions. Obviously I do but just so I can remind you that you are a tedious prick. A really really tedious prick.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 1 Oct 2014, 16:17, closed)

Stop reading it then.
It clearly bothers you, I'd have thought the best thing is to ignore me.

You know, don't feed the trolls and all that?
(username failed moderation, Thu 2 Oct 2014, 9:15, closed)

...
...and it hasn't occurred to you that maybe you should do the same with the trolls posts?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 2 Oct 2014, 17:32, closed)

Why?
It doesn't bother me.

These aren't trolls, they're just dicks. Me posting seems to piss them off, so I'll carry on doing it until one of us gets banned.

Oh, wait. Shambo already got banned. Until I get banned then.

Plus, wind your neck in, you can ignore it as well if you choose to.
(username failed moderation, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 9:12, closed)

It doesn't bother you so much you reply. So not bothered, really not bothered.
TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS

LOL
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 10:17, closed)

Get a thesaurus
Your over use of the word tedious is tiresome.

Your replies to username are dull.
( jagwap, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 3:36, closed)

He's doing it deliberately.
He thinks it's funny or something.
(username failed moderation, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 9:13, closed)

He's doing it deliberately.
He thinks it's funny or something
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 10:22, closed)

I also agree.
We've crossed words on occasion but it's never bothered me. I can see why people might get upset but if you're that touchy, go elsewhere.

He does recently seem to have excelled himself in the quest for the last word, though. I hope he's OK. Can't imagine how the loss of something so central to his life might affect him. Maybe his head exploded like the guy in Scanners.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:14, closed)

He's on the very edge of a spectacular meltdown at the moment.
Even by his standards he is being obsessive.
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 14:45, closed)

says the tedious flaming troll

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:56, closed)

Look, I know you need to answer every single thing
I post, but can you try and perk it up a bit? Just calling me tedious is, um, a bit tedious.

For the record, I gave up trying to be entertaining a long time ago, so you're only stating the obvious anyway.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:42, closed)

no shit

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:44, closed)

Right, no shit.
Is that it?
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:48, closed)

It was actually pretty funny.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:30, closed)

It probably was the first time it was posted.
But I suppose you're like my 4 year old, who can watch 15 episodes of Peppa Pig at a time. You don't really care about what's being said.

Let's be clear here, the only reason I'm posting is because it seems to irritate you.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:34, closed)

LOL Down's syndrome

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:40, closed)

Edgy.

(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:20, closed)

All you post is about how you are irritated and upset. Does your village have to send out many search parties for you?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:46, closed)

Why are you so bothered?
You seem to be unable to stop yourself from furiously jumping on everything I post, despite the fact that a) I am nowhere near irritated or upset becuase b) I have said several times, including at least twice today, that I'm just posting to irritate you.

It seems I'm getting much more out of this than you are, but you probably have lower standards than I do - any response is OK for you. It's attention, right?

Keep dancing little puppet.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:20, closed)

Well, I'm convinced.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:58, closed)

convinced a retard
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:20, closed)

Get you

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:50, closed)

Superlols

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:06, closed)