The Caps Lock Key.
Why is this on a keyboard? I don't get the point of it at all; it seems to serve no purpose. aPART FROM IRRITATING YOU WHEN YOU HIT IT BY ACCIDENT.

Surely any useful function it performs is outweighed by unexpected erruptions of the above? Yet it must be popular somehow or other, or they wouldn't waste plastic adding it to our keyboards.... would they?


Having more than 1 Budgie

These creatures only saving grace is that you can teach them to talk. Get more than one, and the pointless flappping things serve no purpose but to shriek at each other without pause. Live with some deluded fool who has an aviary, and you'll soon learn that budgie language consists of only the following: EAT, SHIT, RAPE and KILL. Budgies don't look the remotest bit pretty when they are gang-pecking one of their own chicks to death, trust me. And the insane amount of bird shit loose and nut husks these things create... It smells awful.

Leaves me cold? Why, the thought of ever having to go near an aviary again actively makes my flesh want to crawl off my bones. Yet pointless paraphernalia for budgie avairies is a huge industry... Who are these people, and why do they hate their own lives so much?


Straight Women in Gay Bars

Well, actually I get the point of it: you ladies want to have a harmless flirt/good dance without having a drunken sloth of a straight guy try to get in your pants.

I completely understand that bit. And its great that you are cool enough to join us in our local. I won't mind dancing with you for a bit.

What I don't get is why you appear to gradually turn into the very guys you were trying to avoid! I'm a guy in a gay bar, dancing topless: surely it is obvious that you are NOT going to be able to pull me? A quick dance is fine, but I am NOT here to be your chippendale for the whole damn evening, so stop trying to dry-hump me and let me go. Yes, I'm sure you'd be delicious if I were a vagina-feeler, but I like cock, and I'm here trying to get picked up by someone in possession of one. Clear off.

Worst time this kind of thing happened, I was in the club, trying to get back with my ex Wayne, who I had messed up with spectactularly. And if I had a time-machine I'd still go back and brick myself in the face for that. ('I don't want to be tied down'?! Oh yes I bloody did; sometimes literally. I haven't found anyone half as nice since). We're having a good make -or- break chat when this taloned creature swoops out at me: she's here celebrating her gay mates 18th. Well, fine. But she's drags the skinny git with her, and wants me to have a birthday dance with him!? 'You can't say no', says she cheerily, 'You'll spoil his birthday!' Yeah, because all gay men are single sluts for 18yr olds, apparently.

Fantastic. What would you have done? Could you say 'no' to his face, on his 18th birthday party? This wasn't his fault, after all.

Remembering how hyper-sensitive I was at 18, I took the path of least resistance and gave in. So I have a grim dance with the barely pubescent bundle of nerves, and try to escape. Except Taloned Girl won't let me. 'Give him a birthday kiss!' she squeals, her nails digging in my back. I try to laugh it off and give him a quick peck on the cheek, but no: Taloned Girl wants me to give him a proper snog.

With my ex watching.

Who I'd just spent a good hour trying to convince that I really did want to settled down.

Maybe I can't totally blame Taloned girl for spoiling my last chance with Wayne - I know I'm a push-over - but I can certainly blame her for the scratches her talons made in my back. Actually:


Womens Long Fingernails

A fashion I do not get. I don't see the point of having anything more than 1 milimetre of nail. The things can't have any practical purpose and they hurt when they dig in. Maybe all straight blokes are masochists?
(IChewCandlewax, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:36, 19 replies)

"I'm sorry, but i'm having a private conversation" is a good one
also; "For fucks sake just FUCK OFF you fucking harpie" is another.

I have never understood the whole long nails thing, but then again what I dont understand could fill a warehouse.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:42, closed)

I Thought of plenty of withering things to say
but as usual, only a good week after the fact.

'If you want to get off on some man-on-man action, go download it like everyone else' would have been a good one.

The nails thing is actually bugging me now. It only caught my attention when I was writing earlier, but I seriously have no idea why long nails are considered anything but a health hazard. What gives with that? :S
(IChewCandlewax, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:41, closed)

Caps lock
BESIDES BEING CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME, it does actually come in handy. Not for typing prose or anything, but in my job I have to enter data for hydraulic models and stuff which includes alphanumeric references for things, which are case sensitive. Generally these need to be in upper case and it is much easier and quicker to have caps lock on than to have to press and hold shift each time.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:42, closed)

whats the word for guys
that are straight but act gay in order to pull? There may not be such a word, but this is one instance where it could backfire. She shouldn't have put you in that situation though.
(muzzvsworld, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:42, closed)

I think the word you're looking for is
'WANKERS' (with or without caps lock)
( snee held his breath since, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:10, closed)

I was going to say "closet gays"
but I think you've nailed it there
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:12, closed)

closet straights
or metros?
(ignoramusaurus, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:32, closed)

I'm sorry but you just come across as a bit weak-willed.
If it was an important moment for you then you should have made it clearer that you wanted the women to bog off.

I used to go to gay clubs a lot and danced with guys who I thought were gay only to find out later they weren't and they were coming on to me but I just thought they were being friendly. Haha!
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:07, closed)

You are right...
...I was a bit weak-willed, and have been kicking myself for it ever since. But it all kind of escalated out of my control so fast, and I'm crap at saying no to things when put on the spot.

*kicks self*
(IChewCandlewax, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:26, closed)

Budgies live in hige flocks in the wild
so keeping them in pairs or more is kinder than having just one. They're highly social.

Of course, if they have a pal to cheep to they won't take much notice of their owner and won't talk so that's why people keep single budgies.
Shame, really.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:24, closed)

I'm not so sure its kinder...
The females beat the crap out of each other for the nesting boxes, no matter how many you have.

Of course, the males seem to beat and rape virtually anything anyway, so maybe they really are that violent in the wild in any case...
(IChewCandlewax, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:36, closed)

Budgies
In my old job I went to visit a woman who had loads of them caged in her living room. The birds were obviously not happy as they missing fethers and smelt horrible. The woman made me drink a cup of coffee that had been sitting near to cages. I was a bit nervious as it was about the time Bird flu was a big threat. Pahhhh makes me shudder to think about it.

Straight women in gay bars, as I see it, the problem as you discribe is a lack of respect. Possibly, next time ask the harpie in question, would you ask me to do the same if I straight?

Or the truth - I dont find you remotely attactive and dry-humping me is hurting my limp member, please leave me alone. If she still doesnt get the message, mention the fact that she has a tash and beard ask to see her cock.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:47, closed)

I'm not entirely sure what that proves
other than you are, as you say, a bit weak willed and unable to say no when you should. I'm a straight male and I used to go to gay clubs a lot in London. As do/did quite a lot of my mates. So you can't reasonably say that she should automatically assume you are gay just because you are in a gay club. Otherwise you can't reasonably complain that someone assuming you are straight in a different situation is prejudiced, right?

Oh, and your last point? fingernails don't have to dig in just because they are long. They can run over your skin, too ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:57, closed)

you sound like a bit of a sad fucker
to me to be honest.
(Errin C, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:03, closed)

Rude
That is very rude, obnoxious in fact. And there is nothing honest about what you have said.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:20, closed)

That might as well be
But it's nothing to how much of a sad fucker you sound right now.
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 21:40, closed)

"Maybe all straight blokes are masochists?"
That's about right. Never 'known' a guy who doesnt enjoy the feel of long nails down his back.
(ignoramusaurus, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:35, closed)

Quote
"and I'm crap at saying no to things when put on the spot."

give me a thousand pounds in non sequential unmarked notes.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 13:29, closed)

budgies
I work in a pet shop and it's amazing how many people want to buy 2 of anything 'in case they get lonely'. I mean, goldfish ffs.
Most animals kept singly bond with their owner and make better 'pets'.
Keep 2 or more if you want a house full of wild animals.
Anything smaller than a cat is only interested in 3 things; can I eat it? Will it eat me? And can i shag it?
(kilt101, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 8:42, closed)