How could I
Many years ago when I was a rampant permanently horny youngster, it was decided that I would deliver get well soon cards and other sundry gifts to a work colleague who had been taken ill at work.
I arrived at his house only to find he had been rushed to hospital in a critical condition, his mrs was in a state she had no way to get the hospital, well to cut a long story short I offered to drive her when we arrived he had been taken to intensive care so we couldn't see him.
I drove her back home I must admit I took full advantage of her emotional state and stayed to comfort her, which involved me sticking my cock into her love passage at least 3 times in the course of the evening.
OK he recovered, she became pregnant he was over the moon never did get round to telling him he wasn't the dad "oh well"
(raith50, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 15:30, 28 replies)

Fanciful
Unless you drove her in your honda.
( rofl harris, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 15:42, closed)

At the hospital
She had MASSIVE DRUGS.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 15:45, closed)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Was she a supermodel too?

Edit: by 'sticking your cock in her passage three times' do you mean you only managed to stuff your wilting micropenis into her cavernous minge 3 times before you prematurely spluffed up her?
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 15:54, closed)

he means
that the damned chicken kept coming back into the back garden, and he had to put it back in her passage...
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:04, closed)

Are you sure it's not just all lies by some small chance?

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:06, closed)

Seems plausible to me
My aunt's chickens tend to wander where they're not supposed to if left unchecked.
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:08, closed)

didn't i read this..
in Fiesta readers stories August 1983 and you were a security guard?
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 31 Aug 2010, 15:54, closed)

"Imagine my surprise when..."
indeed.

If you're gonna send a fantasy, at least make it original and interesting...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:06, closed)

3 strokes and you came?
That's some staying power you have there, dude!
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 15:54, closed)

'Love passage'?
You're a virgin, aren't you?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:02, closed)

As sweaty-handed as they come.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:07, closed)

Needs more cats

(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:02, closed)

Cats that do things a dog would never do.

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:09, closed)

Chinny reck-on

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:12, closed)

I want this to be true
Lololololololol
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:18, closed)

Congratulations on fatherhood raith50

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:29, closed)

If I was the progeny of Raith50 in this instance
Sure it would be upsetting to discover that your Dad was not who you thought it was. Even more upsetting to discover that it was your "dad's" so called "mate", named after some poxy Scottish town.

But to find out your Mum fucked this sock puppet when your "Dad" was in intensive care!!!! ?

Priceless.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:44, closed)

It's safe to assume that the nearest he's got to producing anything
has been by spaffing into his special sock
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:48, closed)

He does have a very loving relationship with the sock though.
I've heard she's called Sandra.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 17:06, closed)

His mum still pretends not to notice the layers of crustiness and slime covering poor Sandra when doing the weekly laundry

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 17:19, closed)

Ahem. Let he who is without sockpuppets cast the first stone.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 17:24, closed)

I hope you benefited from my motivational chat earlier
Those golden arches should be the light at the end of your dolescum darkness
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 17:40, closed)

*stones*
*boulders*
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 0:07, closed)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:34, closed)

And he never once realised that ‘his child’ was conceived whilst he was critically ill in hospital?

(Nanny Pat vote for me, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:35, closed)

Mate.
When even the regulars on here are taking the piss, you know you've Failed.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 20:55, closed)

Mate Dad
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 22:47, closed)

Truly terrible.
I note from the profile stories that this isn't a one off. Tell me, what's it like to be functionally illiterate in 21st century England?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 1 Sep 2010, 13:10, closed)