A true one, this.
Just shy of ten years ago, in the aftermath of 9/11, I wrote my dissertation on conspiracy theories. Some of them turn out to be true, or at least have a semblance of truth to them.

The major one which springs to mind is The Tuskegee Experiment. Basically the theory was that black people were rounded up in the 1930s, injected with syphilis, and then the effects of the disease were monitored whilst the victims were denied proper treatment.

And oddly enough the theory turned out to be pretty accurate, except for one minor detail. The victims weren't given syphilis - they had already contracted it. However they were denied treatment to the extent that if they requested penicillin they were instead given a placebo, and they were also subjected to painful experiments such as spinal taps. Oh, and when other family members contracted the disease they were denied treatment too.

It took 40 years for the full extent of what was going on to come to light. That's not 40 years after the event took place, but 40 years of testing... so up to the 1970s this was still going on.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 6:14, Reply)

At OccupySanFrancisco, listening to the nutters
One guy is talking through the loudspeaker about their beliefs, says "Now, some people will think we're just conspiracy theorists…" and a rather large woman interjects with "THEY're the conspiracists".

Yes, love. You just ruined his point.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 4:53, 4 replies)

If the Shipping Forecast...
...transmitted on Radio 4 at 0048hrs ever contains the phrase "German Bight, east, storm eleven, imminent" then war will be declared within 24 hours. Against silly cunts who believe in conspiracy theories...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 0:58, 1 reply)

Mitchell and Webb explain the moon landings conspiracy.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6MOnehCOUw

Genius.

And this,

www.youtube.com/watch?v=59zLZ6PpeSA&feature=related

and this,

www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4meFC1ee7Q&feature=related
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 0:25, Reply)

Question of the week.
QOTW was added to B3TA to accommodate all those Betans who found /talk too intellectual.
(hiraeth SPACE £19.99. I say yer buy one yer get one free, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 22:44, Reply)

"The thing's hollow—it goes on forever—and—oh my God—it's full of stars!"

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 4 Dec 2011, 22:31, 3 replies)

It really is turtles all the way down.

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Sun 4 Dec 2011, 22:27, 1 reply)

Justin Bieber is a reincarnation of Henry VIII

(miserable_north just eat it, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 20:44, 2 replies)

Rob's binning QOTW after this one.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 20:00, 4 replies)

peanuts
an old friend of mine firmly believes that airline peanuts are doused with a sedative solution, in order to make passengers calm and easier to manage. he says terrorists know about the peanuts, so if you're flying and see a passenger refusing to eat the peanuts, it's likely that they're a terrorist.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 16:15, 25 replies)

Most spam is actually either spies or terrorists communicating.
Everyone knows that very few people actually read Spam and buy what is advertised and some spam doesn't even advertise anything. The actual contents of spam are not in any way important to their purpose. People wanting to communicate secretly and defeat traffic analysis simply send spam out to large numbers of people and the order in which the messages are sent can convey a meaning. So, for example, if the weapons have been bought and all is ready then send Viagra, nonsense poem then Penis Pump but if the weapons deal fell through then send Penis Pump, Share Scam then Viagra.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 15:55, 3 replies)

Has anyone done Joe Cells yet?
www.joecellenergy.com/
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 15:20, 13 replies)

Avago was a numbers station.
It makes sense when you think about it. What better cover for a numbers station than television bingo/keno?
( Jeffrey44 (User was banned for this post), Sun 4 Dec 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Theodore Rout
www.ratbags.com/rsoles/comment/routhighcourt.htm

TLDR: a guy argues before the High Court of Australia (the highest court in the country) that, among other things, the Court has the jurisdiction to change the laws of physics, and that he has made astonishing discoveries in the field of science but his truths are being kept from the public due to a conspiracy against him by the science community, under the guise of an application which accuses a politician of electoral fraud. The transcript is a must-read.

For much hilarity, an archive of his actual website (long since deleted) is also available on that link.

Sad, because the guy obviously has schizophrenia or some other highly fucked up mental health issue, but funny nonetheless.
(ridethefader, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 14:42, Reply)

Tin Foil Hats
a myth spread by the huge Tin Foil industry. Tin foil will NOT block the mind rays.
Lead will but there is a solid market for lead and there is no need to create artificial demand.

Also, church roofs? Lead.
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 13:51, 5 replies)

I've come to the conclusion that Gary Speed did not kill himself because of The Sun
threatening to expose his alleged gay secrets. He killed himself because of the constant chanting of Paedos, Paedos, Paedos he had to endure everywhere he went.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 11:33, 2 replies)

Facebook are going to start charging a monthly fee.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 10:41, 13 replies)

The anti-orthodox bedroom hobbyist.
The majority of conspiracy theorists fall into the category of 'anti-orthodox bedroom hobbyist' with no little or no background knowledge. They surround themselves in anti-orthodox literature and as a consequence, only have a sketchy second-hand understanding of the established facts they argue against. They are commonly hostile and dismissive of universities, governments and commerce. I don't want to get into a philosophical dissection of the faulty logic of conspiracy theory, but all I will say is that if you are determined to ignore the basis upon which all evidence based knowledge is built, and surround yourself instead with UFOs, Big Foot, and shape-shifting aliens, it is hardly surprising that you wake up one day and realise you are David Icke.
( notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 10:10, 6 replies)

Skin Grease and the Washing Conspiracy
I've always wondered what the evolutionary purpose of skin grease (sebum) is, and why corporations peddling skin and hair care products want it off of you as if it contains the black plague.

Well, my friends, sebum supposedly acts as a natural lubricant and moisturizer for your dead cells (which, as a side note, is every visible piece of your skin), lessening itchiness and 'visible signs of aging'; has antimicrobial properties, fending off germs; acts as a water repellent, keeping you warmer in wet conditions; and acts as a sweat retainer, helping you stay hydrated in hot conditions. If you're so inclined, you could eat the stuff and it'd be pretty darn good for you.

So, hair/skin care products are sold to you to remove this protective barrier of sebum - and then sebum is sold right back to you as different hair/skin products! Many of these products (soap, makeup, lip balm, moisturizers, shaving cream, and so on) contain lanolin - which is literally sheep grease, squeezed out of sheep wool. You're paying to slap some sheep grease on your face to replace the natural grease you just washed off. What a beautiful consumerist conspiracy!

Long story short, that's why I don't wash, and why I'm the life of the party. Fight the power! Don't shower!
(p[, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 6:33, 13 replies)

The government are controlling the youth of today
by slipping various synthetic compounds (designed to make them generally more compliant) into a popular brand of fruit-flavoured cider.

Chemical Brothers, innit.
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 4:19, Reply)

It's real man! If they find me, they're gonna kill me, but.....
you know social networking sites, well it turns out *************************************************************the rest of this post is missing***********************
(Dante licked your nipple on, Sat 3 Dec 2011, 21:39, 5 replies)

Eleven.
Elven.

Coincidence? I think not.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 3 Dec 2011, 20:13, 4 replies)

Conspiracy theories are just the cover that the governments need
You put TIN in your tin hat? You fool! That's playing straight into their hands!
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sat 3 Dec 2011, 18:56, 1 reply)

Sugar (refined, not Lord Alan)
Hidden in plain sight for years. Refined sugar is not a food, but a chemical. It's the only item in Tesco's that doesn't have a sell-by date. Apparently, it almost conforms to the medical definition of a poison.

It's in more than just your cakes. Check the labels on your gravy or your bread.
Huge amounts of the stuff were generated by slave labour a couple hundred years ago and no-one was quite sure what to do with it. They tried feeding livestock with it. They all died. They gave to WW1 soldiers as 'instant energy bars' and they fared a little better than the livestock(Kendal mint cake is the legacy).

Refined sugar is the result of processing sugar cane. Cane sugar is a food. A food contains enzymes and the like that enable the food to be digested in your tum. Sugar is unable to do this, so it leaches what it needs from everything else you have eaten. It is a parasite on your system.

All those 'house' spirits behind the bar, going cheap? Flavoured sugar alcohol. No relation to real gins or whiskies. Any rum-based drink (eg Breezers) is also flavoured sugar alcohol. Like confusing orange juice with sunny delight.

The cocaine industry is broadly similar to the sugar industry. They take a product (Coca leaf has many nutrients and minerals and vitamins, in addition to the celebrated marching powder) and extract the useful ingredient. Morally, the cocaine industry is less evil than the sugar industry because at least you get to choose when to ingest it and, last time I went shopping, the baby food did not contain added cocaine.

Anyone who knows drugs knows that there is no free lunch. You get high or up, then you get low or down. Only a fool would put off the comedown indefinatley by getting shit faced all over again every day. This is not acknowledged with sugar. It is addiction in denial. Sugar is the ultimate gateway drug, and we shower our children with it.

Raw sugar FTW!
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sat 3 Dec 2011, 18:03, 121 replies)

David Cameron and the drummer from Greenday...
Ever seen them in the same room?


Nope!
( Greenbat, Sat 3 Dec 2011, 15:46, 3 replies)

Light and Retire
Once upon a time in a land far, far away I used to shoot competition pistol. This was years after the UK ban on most weapons following the Dunblane massacre, and we used to get regular visits from the GB squad who couldn’t practice at home. The advantage for us was that in return we got free sessions with the Olympic coaches. Over a few months I got to know on , a huge and softly spoken man we shall call Bob who was an ex-medallist and now helped coach the team. One day we got talking about the gun ban and Bob was remarkably philosophical about it – I was examining the logic of the ban, but he was of the view that the whole thing was a conspiracy, so logical rules didn’t follow. He gave me a short reading list, and from then onwards the matter was closed.

The funny thing is that this particular conspiracy theory comes mostly from the pages of the Cullen Enquiry but the truth is too unpalatable for the victims’ families to face. I’ve often wondered why nobody ever took the controversial step of telling the real story, but while researching this to get my facts right it turns out that somebody did in 2006 – ‘Dunblane Unburied.’ By Sandra Uttley.

I’m not going to ask you to read the report or book, so here’s the gist of it. Guns were banned because of the massacre. They shouldn’t have been; it was a knee jerk reaction – Hamilton (the one who murdered 16 children and an adult) held a gun license, but the at each review the local police had repeatedly requested it be withdrawn. They had been overruled by a senior police officer in each case. The Cullen report reveals that the same senior officer (who retired on grounds of ill health shortly later) would regularly get dropped off for the night at Hamilton’s house by his police driver.

It gets murkier. Hamilton was undoubtedly a paedophile (draw your own conclusions about what he and the copper did on those evenings). However it is unlikely that he ever laid hands on a child – this would surely have come out in the muck-raking. He was a scout master until his warrant was withdrawn for no particular reason, then ran youth groups (Andy Murray went to one). Parents started getting increasingly suspicious. They boycotted his shop, which failed. The council banned him from using their premises without due process. In short he was ostracised for, in his view, nothing, and more importantly without any evidence of wrongdoing. I think Hamilton simply cracked – he tried defending his position by writing letters to everybody, but his appeals were never addressed; in other words he was found guilty without a trial. Everything he loved was being taken away from him and he decided to strike back at the parents in the most horrible way he could. This was a failure of due process, but I’ve often wondered how much guilt the parents feel, because in the cold hard light of day here was a maladjusted individual who had been pushed over the edge by the actions of those same parents. His reactions can’t be condoned, but given the guns in his possession surely somebody should have thought about the ramifications?

This matter became a hugely touchy subject, particularly for the parents themselves. The gun controls were rushed though even though the checks and controls hadn’t failed, (that’s the conspiracy bit) and there’s never been an enquiry into of the Central Scottish Police or the actions of that senior ploice officer.

The Wikipedia page for Dunblane has a history section that fails to even mention the massacre (it’s in the ‘schools’ section bizzarely)
(strongp, Sat 3 Dec 2011, 13:12, 27 replies)

Ever wondered why
You never see Lenry Henry and Ainsley Harriott at the same time? Same person.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 3 Dec 2011, 12:49, 5 replies)

David Icke.
www.davidicke.com/ A couple of examples:

Reptilian Agenda:
www.davidicke.com/articles/reptilian-agenda-mainmenu-43

The Illuminati:
www.davidicke.com/articles/illuminati-mainmenu-57

It's all bollocks as far as I can tell, but I have to admire how much cash all this is making him from books, DVD's, speeches etc.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 3 Dec 2011, 9:21, 4 replies)