Morph is real
Chas is a lie

Tony heart is a fish

Mr Bennet is a cheif

If you read it all backwards it say John Lennon is Fred
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:54, Reply)

I've heard it said that Lionel Blair pulled off 12 angry men in under 2 minutes
I'm not sure that's possible.

ISIHAC joke.
(TitanLX, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:47, 2 replies)

The cake
is a lie
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:34, 1 reply)

You are that important and significant in the world
that the people elected to run the joint actively try to deceive and placate you while they get up to nefarious deeds.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:31, 13 replies)

I've heard a rumor
That there is no spoon
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:30, Reply)

The Anti-Conspiracy Conspiracy!
Attention Sheeple!

We use tinfoil to boost the signals of radio, TV, phones and wifi. So why is it the material of choice to make signal blocking hats? Akll these hats acutally do is BOOST the signal making the ones who see the truth easier to identify and pacify with their media brain washing techniques!

The truth is there for those who want to see it. The tin foil manufacturers are in league with the super powered alien lizard gods that rule the world! Don't let them fool you too!!!!
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:17, 3 replies)

I don't believe in life after love.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:05, 3 replies)

Ok here goes nothing - Coca Cola and Cocaine.
Up until 1903, Coca Cola actually contained a small amount of cocaine. Now of course it doesn't, but they still use the Coca leaf in their recipe, albeit with all the cocaine processed out of it, despite the only other use of this leaf being cocaine, and despite the fact that it is illegal to cultivate and process in most countries.

In the United States, the Stepan Company is the only manufacturing plant authorized by the Federal Government to import and process the coca plant, which it obtains mainly from Peru and, to a lesser extent, Bolivia. Besides producing the coca flavoring agent for Coca-Cola, the Stepan Company extracts cocaine from the coca leaves, which it sells to Mallinckrodt, a St. Louis, Missouri pharmaceutical manufacturer that is the only company in the United States licensed to purify cocaine for medicinal use.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coca-Cola

Now what is odd here? Well for one thing, cocaine only has very limited applications in medicine, as a component in some local anaesthetics, and these are gradually being replaced by cheaper, safer, synthetic alternatives. So given that the market for medical cocaine is small and dwindling, where as the worldwide demand for Coca Cola is huge, and growing...

...where is all the cocaine going?
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 16:04, 59 replies)

9/11?
I heard it was cows. They broke into the main cabins from storage disguised as hand-luggage and took out the towers as on the stock market the value of butter was dropping and they were heading the way of the euro, so they tried to take out the stock exchange to do this.

The Ameri-guns then took action on this, and knowing that Al-Queda had shares in Unigate took the fight back to them, until every last motherfucking bouvine terrorist in Iraqistan was either blown up, or turned into a lush barbecue outing.

Now America own most of Unigate....it's only a matter of time before butter prices get forced back up.

*Maybe completely true, when I was on acid my cat explained this to me and it made perfect sense*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 15:18, 5 replies)

There are 3 churches in North London with the same name. If you join them up on a map they form a triangle!
It's true I tell you, this rather articulate gentleman on the bus told me so, just before he started stressing he had left his prozac at home.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:57, 4 replies)

It's perfectly obvious that, since all wars are started by men, that men are the problem.
The only reason no one does anything about it is because men control the world, and they don't want to compromise.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:43, 15 replies)

USA entered World War II to prevent Hitler's anti-smoking campaign from succeeding
Nazi doctors were the first to discover the link between smoking and cancer and instead of sitting on the evidence they publicised it. Posters, public health campaigns, bans of smoking indoors etc.

This pissed off the big American tobacco companies enough that they lobbied the US government to enter the war to finish off the European squabble once and for all. The threat of Hitler closing down the huge European markets to cigs couldn't be contemplated.

Here's a sobering stat.

Deaths in World War II: 60 million people.
Death due to cigarettes since WWII: 338 million people.

And yet Hitler is the evil demigod and cigs are still on sale in Tesco.

BTW: I utterly made this conspiracy theory up on the spot. Think it'll catch on?
( rob, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:28, 5 replies)

Have a pearoast.
Guinness Paul*
There's a bloke who comes in the pub where I work who, sadly, isn't the sharpest lemon in the bowl. His story is a long, dismal tale of sticking up for your rights and getting the shit kicked out of you, of head injuries and comas and drugs, both prescibed and recreational.
As a result of his condition (he's not a complete mong or anything, just a bit slow) he sees conspiracies and patterns everywhere. Everywhere.
He has, to date, showed me a blurry picture of the big cat that prowls around his workplace and only reveals itself to him (it looks like a normal cat but up really close), a mobile phone video of the UFO he saw (looks like a star to me), a photocopy of a star chart that coincides not only with the pyramids of Egypt (God, he loves Egypt) but also with the freckles on his hand, and a newspaper cutting of Tutankhamun that he kept in his wallet that got damp once. The damp has caused the ink to run and he revels in pointing out the dozen or so faces that have appeared in the smudgy mess. "Can't be coincidence, that. Look, that one looks like you!"
I heard that he only drank bottled water because "they" put fluoride in tap water, so I asked him if he brushed his teeth, and if he knew who "they" were. He showed me a picture of a ghost by way of an answer.
He is also an accidental master of what I like to call "cyclical sentences", especially after a skinful of Guinness. They go something like this:
"Drugs are weird, aren't they? Like, some of them wake you up and give you loads of energy, but others make you sleepy. And hungry, Like a cat. Cos that's all cats do, isn't it? Just lie around and sleep and eat. Except cheetahs. They're always running around. They're like athletes, except cheetahs don't need steroids cos they're naturally fast. Athletes need steroids to be as fast as cheetahs. They're all full of drugs, athletes. See, that's the weird thing about drugs, some of them wake you up, right, and give you loads of energy, but others just make you sleepy. Sleepy and hungry. Like a cat. Just lying around all day, sleeping and eating. That's all cats do. Not cheetahs though. No, cheetahs are like athletes..."
I've lost count of the times I've pointed people out to him and watched with pure, childish glee as he's wandered over and talked them into a confused, gibbering paste. I wouldn't have him any other way.

Oh, and he stinks of TCP. I often smell him before I see him.
*Name changed to protect the crazy
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Disclosure
Apparently, the various government of the world are leading up to a full disclosure that we have, actually, been visited by aliens.

For years NASA's personnel were instructed to deflect or repudiate any questions concerning UFO's or aliens put to them by the media or private citizens but then in 2004 or 2005 this restriction was lifted and since then a dozen or more astronauts have gone on record stating their missions were monitored by unknown space vessels* and that there has been contact between the US government and alien civilisations. Some people claim that the government has judged that the climate is right to come clean and that the output of sci-fi from Hollywood, comics and other print media have accustomed us to the notion of alien beings and it won't cause a panic like the War of the Worlds broadcast (they haven't been paying attention to the kind of sci-fi that Hollywood has been feeding us, obviously).

Anyway, according to "disclosure" afficionados you can expect to see it on the 10 o'clock news sometime in the next year or two.

*There are on Youtube audio recordings purportedly of astronauts going about their tasks saying "they appear to be watching" and being instructed to go about their tasks as if everything was normal. Probably fakes but who knows?
(Dildo Bugger destroyed a ring on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:26, 9 replies)

The biggest conspiracy of all
is that this exact question, under the title "conspiracy theory nutters" was asked barely two years ago, and yet in 8 pages of answers no one, NO ONE, has commented on this, or even posted a pearoast.
What the hell is going on people?!
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:25, 2 replies)

The Matrix is real
www.simulation-argument.com/simulation.html

The general gist: at the current rate of technological advancement, it is reasonable to assume that at some point in the future computing power will enable us to create computer simulations far beyond anything we can achieve today, simulations within which ‘people’ would actually be conscious and unaware that they are in a simulation. If we do achieve this, it is also reasonable to assume that we would be extremely unlikely to run just one of these simulations (think how many copies of The Sims are currently in existence!) For arguments sake though, let’s assume that 99 of these such simulations are created. That would mean the odds of us not currently being in a simulation would be just 1%.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:20, 8 replies)

Not my story but its about the number 23
www.gaiamind.com/about23.html

Long read
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 12:53, 1 reply)

All the additives in McDonalds.
Are making our kids giants..
(badoosh, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I used to work for a multinational pharmaceutical comapny
manufacturing HIV drugs, that is drugs that lessened the effects of the symptoms rather than an actual cure, obviously.

Well I say obviously, maybe not. It was brought to my attention a while back by a self appointed genius that mankind HAS actually found a cure for the disease, but 'they' as in the 'world government' and 'pharmaceutical giants that keep making up new flus' won't release it because HIV and AIDS is a good way of killing blacks and gays. Also if they took the cure, it would only be one injection, whereas the current system has them as repeat customers and the government gets more money that way.

Also bird flu is the same as swine flu, but with some DNA 'switched about' to keep us buying medicines.

I think he had come down with 'twat flu'
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 12:36, 5 replies)

Hitler was a vegetarian.
Coincidence?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 12:25, 13 replies)

Poo Shape
When I was quite little, because of the shapes of bums and buttocks I could never quite get my head around why my poo was cylindrical instead of discus shaped. After confiding in my brother I was informed that I must have a malfunctioning bottom.

I believed I was the only one not to have discus shaped poo for quite some time.
( zacherynuk @echo off, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 12:25, 4 replies)

That's no moon!
On a game-related forum I sometimes post on, there's an "Aliens" thread where people are discussing the possibility of there being extra-terrestrial life out there.

This has brought out a couple of proper tin-foil hat wearing nutbars.

One of them seems to seriously believe that the moon (the big one you can see at night) is actually an "observation base" for "EBE's" (Extra-terrestrial Biological Entities). The "proof" for this comes from this site:
www.marsanomalyresearch.com/evidence-reports/2004/070/moon-banding.htm
the tl:dr is that this person has taken the detailed, digital images provided by NASA of the moon, which have been stitched together quite badly and concluded that the points where the overlaps between images are actually uniform, 1km-wide ridges in the moons surface. According to the person's massive conclusion-jump, this proves that the moon is artifical and made by some civilisation greater than our own.

When I pointed out that you would be able to see these bands with a telescope from Argos, the poster reverted to the ususal conspiracy nut defense of:
"You guys are sheep , just going with the herd and making baa noises like all your ignorant counterparts .

Delete my posts please , i'm not going to waste my time on this rubbish thread with narrow minded lemmings.

So basically "laa laa laa, I can't hear you".

He also listed the latest war with Iraq as proof that The Government lies to us about everything.
(ScousersPet, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 10:00, 3 replies)

'New Berlin'
the name given to a a secret underground base built during the war by the Nazis, in Antarctica. it still exists today.

www.cyberspaceorbit.com/nazibasex.htm
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 10:00, 11 replies)

My mate Marty Goldman still thinks the holocaust happened..
What an idiot.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Oh, well it must be true
I know a guy who is utterly convinced that the moon landings were faked. Why? Because when someone ran up to Buzz Aldrin with a bible in hand and asked him to swear on it that he had been to the moon, Aldrin punched him in the face. He takes this as proof that the landings never happened because:

"He couldn't swear on the bible that it happened, so he HAD to punch the man in the face".

*Edit - Aldrin, not Armstrong*
( MatJ LOOK, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 9:42, 3 replies)

wankers are short-sighted
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 9:10, 7 replies)

Nuke-u-lar power.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_civilian_nuclear_accidents
Oh & Homer Simpson is a safety officer is @ a Nuclear power plant.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 8:24, Reply)

The nurses are stealing my money

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 8:16, 1 reply)