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This is a question Crap Gadgets

We wanted a monkey butler and bought one off eBay. Imagine our surprise when we found it was just an ordinary monkey with rabies. Worse: It had no butler training at all. Tell us about your duff technology purchases.

Thanks to Moonbadger for the suggestion

(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 12:51)
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Allright, here's my first offering:
"Pound shop" batteries.

Despite carrying any number of meaningless adjectives on the packaging, these 'Heavy Duty Super Plus Ultra Power' little tubes of shite seem to carry about as much usable charge as a stray fart. The "1.5" optimistically printed on the side is, in fact, the lifespan in seconds.

It's a small wonder when, if you do manage to get some light from a torch given a fresh set of these worthless wonders; the feeble beam of light doesn't just give up and curve to the ground, as the tragically underpowered photons lose their struggle agaisnt gravity.

As for digital cameras, you'd probably have better luck trying to run one off a battery bay full of urine, than with these typically zinc carbon/chloride failures - although even the rare-find alkalines are no guarantee of decency.

According to wikipedia, Zinc–Carbon batteries account for 6% of all primary battery sales in Japan. In the UK, it's 20%. Why are we so tolerant of these useless waste-generators?

TLDR: Aren't cheap batteries crap?
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:41, closed)
I have to disagree
Having kids, who seem genetically unable to grasp the concept of turning things off, 12-for-a-quid batteries save my life (or at least my bank balance).
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:44, closed)
and to put in the irritating noisy toys

well meaning and usualy childless family members buy that are guaranteed to drive you up the fucking wall, a short battery life here is a godsend
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:50, closed)
And when the batteries leak, the toy is wrecked.
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 17:37, closed)
i have no problem with them
a poundland battery has been powering my living room clock for the last 2 years without losing time
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:49, closed)
heavy duty batteries are meant to last about 1/3 as long as alkaline.
They are cheap because they are cheap. Smash's clock is an analog and perfect for heavy duty batteries. They aren't meant for flashlights or digital clocks or cameras or the like.
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 18:58, closed)
IKEA do 10x AA or AAA alkaline batteries for a quid.
Got 'em in remote controls, toys, remote control toys, camera and camping light here, last for aaages. Much better than pound shop crap.
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 22:12, closed)
Allright, some good points raised.
I'll stand corrected on most; but I do appreciate the distinction between types and appropriate applications.

I clarify and maintain that the useless non-standardised descriptions, tainted by marketing pressures to make the naff seem attractive, make it a minor challenge to actually tell if you're buying over-hyped ZC or modest-packaged alkaline.

You see, to my mind, "Heavy Duty" implies better than the other options; when it actually tends to counter-intuitively grace the shite-est ones possible. Call ZC batteries "Light-Duty", because that's really what they're good for; and I'll be a happier bunny.
(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 23:46, closed)
One way in which they're still crap
The bosses at the video store where I work are tighter than a nun's cunt and refuse to spend a penny more than they have to. A while ago I mentioned that it'd be a good idea to buy rechargable battery packs for the Xbox 360 we hire out, in order to prevent angry customers with unplayable controllers. They instead opted to buy heaps and heaps of cheapo batteries. Guess what we're going through at a rate of 4 every two weeks?
(, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 2:27, closed)

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