I worked
until 10 PM last night.

I worked on an independent report that my employers had comissioned into how the recession is affecting people.

I then sent it directly to Gordon Brown's office.

I may be the only person on B3ta who has told the primeminister exactly what he thinks about the situation. (or at least the only B3tan indescrete enough to write about it)

I also, in very tiny letters, wrote (in white text on a white background), on every page, the phrase 'Gordon Brown is a cunt'.*

*OK, I didn't really.**

**well, I did, but then I realised if anyone did 'select all' it would show up, no matter what font size I used, so I deleted them all again.***

***I am slightly paranoid that I missed any though.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 15:04, 10 replies)

I don't see the problem with the Credit Crunch...

...it's one of my favourite brands of cereal.

Apologies if bindun.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 14:13, 1 reply)

Credit crunch?
Everyone appears to be either slagging of the world at large and taking no responsibility for living off monopoly money (for that's what credit is - it's not yours, it's not owed to you, you signed your soul away borrowing it in the first place, and outside of computers the stuff doesn't even exist...) or revelling in their smug, unaffected lives showing off about having secure jobs, having holidays booked, having the various accutriments of smug naughties living...good for you, whatever floats your boat, and horay for you rubbing it in to those less fortunate, that must make up for all those times you were bullied at school right?

As for us - Superdad was made redundant a week before Christmas and told that he wouldn't be getting his last two months commission because the company was in dire straights and couldn't afford it. I was sacked a month before that for being pregnant. Shiny.

So we sat down, worked out what we had and made a plan.

He starts a new job next month on twice the money he had before. That's handy. I've done some freelance so I've a bit tucked away. That's handy. You see we didn't just whinge that we were being shat on - we did something about it. Funny how that works out.

This weekend we're moving out of the docklands penthouse - walking away from the private gym, the pool and the view of Canary Wharf out one windown, Greenwich out the other - because it's just gloss - this isn't what makes us sucessful.

We've replaced it with, at half the cost, a grade II listed building in Cornwall with acres of land on which I'm going to be keeping chickens and goats and growing veg. I'm going to 'retire' from my city job and whilst Superdad is working I'm going to make us self sufficient, in true Laura Ashley twee 'the good life' manner and bring our kids up to be elf sufficient, and with the ethos I was brought up with; the world owes you nothing sunshine.

We could do what everyone else is doing and sit in our now too expensive apartment with our sky plus and our busy social life and our two new cars and complain that we've been done guv - but who the hell are you helping doing that?

Living the dream.

Good luck to those of you who still think all that shit matters, and that anyone's impressed. I'll give you a nod from my idyll, out of debt and out of pressure.
(Supermum, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 13:02, 18 replies)

i'm broke
have been for many years - havent got a clue what to do - i keep getting letters from creditors all the time. i have really had enough!

i've tried to negotiate, i have tried writing to them, i've tried paying them - but they all do the same thing - demand the full amount now....!

...but i think i may have been over thinking this - if i dont pay they can take me to court, if i dont pay the courts they can send in the bailiffs, if i dont let the bailiffs in - whats the worse they can do - make me bankrupt - so what - i dont own my house or a car.
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 12:47, 2 replies)

It's all the medias fault really.
They are hysterical at best. I mean look at the typical sensationalist guff that's been keeping Joe Blog in check for the last decade or so:

WAR ON TERROR!

BSE AND/OR BIRD FLU GLOBAL PANDEMIC

And of course the erm, 'credit crunch'. Like a slogan for a breakfast cereal. A breakfast cereal that will annihilate your entire life and then the life of your family. Just like my children were all blown to smithereens by suicide ragheads and my parents ravaged and reduced to semi-conscious shells of geriatricy (not a word) by CJD.

The 'credit crunch' is so popular. Everyone's talking about it. Somebody lost a job eh? Must've been the credit crunch. Nothing to do with being a blatant twat or alternatively your employer acting completely irresponsibly.

Where was I? Ah blaming the media. Why is it that the average man will only purchase a newspaper if it has either a celebrity upto no good on the front page, a line graph that starts nice and lovely around the 2003 mark and then drops dramatcally for about umm now, or a scene of death and carnage (9/11 for example). Nothing like a few blood stains and a chargrilled car for sales.

Just a glance at the headlines of the red-tops turns me into a seething ball of consumer-rage. Here we have:

80 foreign murderers welcomed to Britain

I mean I don't like our PM as much as the next layman but I can't see him standing at the chunnel, welcoming a foreign secure prison transport lorry reverse up, swing open it's rear doors and unleash 80 deadly killers upon our shores. On second thoughts I'd like to see this.

The Sun: ULRIKAS SHOCK WIN. Does this depress me? I don't even know. Why does this take precedent over anything. Perhaps I'd prefer "CREDIT CRUNCH CRUNCHES UP YOU. NOWWW!"

The broadsheets aren't much better: Lights go out across Britain as recession hits home Thank you The Guardian. Looks like we can't even afford to turn the lights on. We'll be fumbling along en mass in the dark, scraping our fingernails in the gutters trying to find another tabloid headline to hold up into the moonlight, probably to be informed of another celebrity weight loss success or as 'most read' in the Times today - if we squint enough we can see that Iran are "scrambling" for a wee bit of Uranium to stick in a b-bomb. The 'credit crunch' can't be affecting those in the middle east too badly if they can afford such expensive fuel. With a bit of luck they'll stick it in a bomber, send her on over and euthanise us all.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 10:51, 2 replies)

Bankrupt
I got a 125% mortgage on a 300k house :)

I got 75k to buy shite with and travel the world.

I cant afford it now

Spent the last £500 signing the bankruptcy papers.

Know what

Its fucking great, spent not a penny of my own money, lost fuck all and had a wonderful time.

I feel like a banker:)

Will do it again in 5 years
(NetFile, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 9:20, 12 replies)

Nooo...noooooooo.....
I shouldn't have done this.

You see, as many of you know, I am of the medical persuasion. Which means that my job is relatively secure, as people are always going to do damn fucking stupid things. I own my own house, and can even afford the mortgage payments on it with no major hardships.

I bought my house in Worcestershire 3 years ago. Nothing to worry about. Prices are relatively stable and I don't plan to move anytime soon, so any negative equity problems are not going to bother me. I bought my house from a bloke who called himself a film director. Ohhh no. Only after 3 weeks living there did I realise what kind of filming he did. Twas the filming of educational videos for the discerning gentleman. And judging by the monster that turned up on my doorstep that fateful morning, extremely discerning gentlemen.

"Hello," the hippocrocodogapig rumbled. "OI'm 'ere to see Pervy McBlowjob* for some work."

"Oh" I stammered. "Um...what kind of work are we talking about?"

"You know." she said. "Porn and such."

"Ah" I said, my mind quickly doing a restart, and confiriming my homosexuality to me in no uncertain terms. "I think there's been some kind of mistake. Mr McBlowjob moved out 3 weeks ago. I'm the new owner."

"Ohh..." the she beast pondered. "So are you in the grot industry then?"

"Noooo...no,nonononono." I hastily confirmed. "I have nothing to do with that kind of thing. I'm afraid I think your trip has been for nothing."

"What if Oi flicked meself off?"

"Noo" I shuddered, holding back the urge to vomit. "You don't understand. I am NOT interested."

"Oi've got a sister. She could loike lick me rustoy sherrif's badge whilst you play with me tits."

"No, look love. Stop with this. You don't get it. I am not interested. I cannot help you. I am not going to film some incestuous anal play between two pseudo-lesbian hippos."

At this stage, the walrus on my doorstep bursts into tears. We're not talking petite lady-tears here, we're going for full on blubbering with optional left nostril bogey bungying in and out on each breath. "But, but, Oi need the monnoy to pay for the kids. Ployse. O'ill do anythoing....."

"Listen" I said "I can't do anything. I am not, nor have I ever been, a director, producer or editor of grumbleflicks. And if I were, my preferred brand still wouldn't involve you, love."

"Ploysssseee"

This went on for some time, and that, boys and girls, was my introduction to some




Thick Redditch Raunch.






*may not have been his real name.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sat 24 Jan 2009, 8:40, 9 replies)

one thing I'm worried about
that I haven't seen covered in the media:

it seems like these would be good times for Amway and similar scams.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 6:32, 3 replies)

On a more positive note
Sales of Vaseline are through the roof
(Big Jimmy, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 2:49, 3 replies)

I have a suggestion
Instead of calling it the "credit Crunch" why not call it the "Credit Chew?"









Cos its really fucking hard for me to swallow it.
(Big Jimmy, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 2:23, Reply)

I knew it was over when...
I decided to trust a bank.

Allow me to explain...

A few years ago I started to dabble in commercial signwriting. You know the sort. Any bloke who buys himself a van when he becomes a plumber and thinks, "I might get extra jobs if use my lovely new van to advertise the fact that I am a tradesman," would come to somebody like me to transform the blank canvas into a work of art. Ashamedly though I have done my fair share of those horrific WordArt style adverts (but always at the clients wish, not my own.)

I started out by buying all the equipment I needed with money I borrowed from my parents. After a few mishaps and scalpel-related trips to the hospital I started to make quite a tidy profit peddling my wares online. The premise was simple. I was asked to produce a design, which I mocked up using my signwriting software and one of those cd's you can buy for a fiver containing vehicle templates. When they give the go ahead the work is cut out on vinyl and prepared for sticking to the van. It is then bundled up and posted. I was able to make about 50% profit on every job I did, so I decided to move into doing it full-time, quitting my dead end job as I went.

I was renting a storage container from a newly opened container storage company (before the days when it bacame popular to throw everything into a big warehouse like though horrdi companies that are springing up everywhere now). For a reasonable sum, I was able to buy this container outright, without paying ground rent, and use it as an office, complete with electricity. All told, after about 2 years I had built up about £20k in assets (which were almost all paid for)

Then I made my big mistake.

I was told I would be best served by opening a business bank account, being as I was almost making enough money to provoke VAT registration, so I tootled off to my local bank to set one up. There I was given an interview with a "business startups consultant" who offered to show me some of the tricks of the trade. He showed me how if I remortgaged my "office" and set up a business bank account, I could offset the interest I would pay on the mortgage by forfeiting the interest on my business account. He crunched some numbers and showed me that by doing so I could remortgage for £12k, reduce my outgoings by paying off the loan I had to buy supplies, and have a few grand left over to start selling in a big way. Yay methinks, this sounds awesome. At no point did I hear any alarm bells.

He also put me in touch with a few trade magazines where I was able to take out ads, among a myriad of other "freebies" included, all with 18 months free business banking. I couldnt sign fast enough. Within 24 hours I had the funds and set to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Passage of time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About 12 months later, the business was doing quite well. I had contracts with a few local and almost national companies to do the signs for their new vehicles, and even bought a company van to work on the move. I was in high spirits. Casually one morning I logged on to check my business bank account online to see how much lovely money I had to spend.

The first thing that struck me was the balance was red. Odd as I had put in over 2 grands worth of cheques the week before and hadnt spent anything. So I delve deeper. It seemed that for the past 2 months the companies I had contracts with had been bouncing payments they made to me. I was oblivious to this fact (my 2nd big mistake) as I had been able to spend on my company card freely. I checked my bumpf that came from the bank and had been signed up for a service that called me when payments are forfeited. But no such calls came. I called my consultant on the special number I was given for emergancies, only to be told that he was on holiday for 2 weeks and I would have to wait till he got back. Brilliant.

So there I was, staring at a black hole the size of the mortgage I had taken out a year previous. I was clutching the van keys so hard they left an imprint in my hand that didnt fade for 4 hours. I turned on the TV and the 2 words I heard first, before light had even adorned the screens surface...

Credit Crunch.

Turns out, all the companies I had accounts with had gone to the wall in the past week, and as I hadnt sent a written request for payment for work I had already done, the administrators told me I couldnt get anything back.

Over the next month or so, a couple more of my regular clients went too. As did my main supplier. And me? I had already modified the van to fit my equipment into (I had bought a second machine so I had a spare for the van) I couldnt get even 1/3 of what I had spent on it when I sold it. And since I was so far in the red, my advertising had dried up, so I couldnt get work.

After selling up everything I had, I still owed £3k, plus 99% of the mortgage. It seems that because I had gained significant interest on my business account for only 11 months, I lost my entitlement to an offset mortgage, so tha bank piled the last years interest back on top, even though I had already lost out on interest in my business account. Luckily I had the foresight to register as Limited Liability, so I could walk away without going bankrupt myself. I did however, lose the "office" I bought out of my own pocket, along with a lot of personal stuff that I was told to register with the business; laptop, mobile etc.

I am still unemployed after 6 months, living off what I can from my savings (after having poured most of it into the business to begin with) facing the prospect of even more time sitting at home with nothing to do. I can't even sleep properly now. All I do is watch Frasier reruns on TV and lurk around on B3ta.

Credit crunch? I feel like I've been royally shafted up the tradesman's entrance by the might of the British Banking System.

So the moral of the story is this kids; don't trust banks. All they want to do is watch you burn. And fuck you over. Bigtime.

Apologies for length etc. They never did.
(Big Jimmy, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 2:15, 5 replies)

Robert Peston
Robert (off of the credit crunch) Peston's Facebook profile image appears to be of someone up a creek without a paddle.

Does he know more than he is letting on in his telly reports??
(denzilpemburthy, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 1:56, Reply)

I've just spent £185 on glasses
£73 on a passport, I'm going to Paris on Valentine's Day, Amsterdam at the end of March, I'm moving to London sometime this year, when I find somewhere decent.
I go to London every weekend, sometimes having blow-out nights out. I travel by train. I get a taxi to work if I start at 8am, often dropping a colleague off on the way home if it's cold.
I have a gym membership, a contract phone, broadband and pay rent as do most people. I am reluctant to so much as accept a drink off a mate.
I have no overdraft or credit cards due to being a bit silly when I was 18, so I'm paying people back about £200 a month.
I earn £200 a week and smoke about 20 a day.

What credit crunch?
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 0:05, 1 reply)

Friday Night Experiment
In an attempt to save some cash, Ms Hanky has started to dye her hair blonde at home instead of having it done at the salon...

She dyed her hair earlier this evening...

There was a bit of solution left in the bottle in the bathroom afterwards when I went to have a shower...

Im sat here now wondering how Ms Hankys gonna react in a few minutes when she sees Ive somehow managed to dye my pubes bright fucking ginger...

Im hoping shes gonna find it incredibly sexy...

but somehow I doubt Ill be playing hide the salami tonight...

...fellas, dont mess with hair dye...

Not only does it make your nether regions look angry as fuck, it also burns a little too...


EDIT...

Well, its Saturday night.

Ms Hanky WAS NOT impressed. Had to shave...

Now the contents of my pants looks like the thing that burst out of John Hurts chest in Alien...

...it scares the living shit out of me...

Fucking money saving ideas...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 23:41, 7 replies)

MIA
or Missing in Adverts....

.. has anyone else noticed the lack of Muller Crunch Corner yogurt ads?

Do they think that any product with the word 'crunch' in the title will be viewed negatively?

How are sales of Cadbury's Crunchies fairing?

Anyone? Just me then?...
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 21:26, 3 replies)

The BBC
clearly haven't had to cut back on Robert Peston's hair dye have they? No credit crunch there.

On a serious note, I do feel he is responsible in some way for the doom and gloom. I know bad news sells more but has he never thought that instead of being the economic equivalent of the Grim Reaper, he could try giving us something positive to hold on to, and he might be thought of as a bit of a hero, instead of an oily gimp. With very badly dyed hair.

How about it, 'Bob'? Spread a little happiness? Less of the negative vibes? Save the UK, because I'm not sure the Government's valiant efforts are going to cut it, and only a supreme deity could help if the Tories get in and George Osbourne gets his hands on HM Government's blankety blank cheque book and pen.
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 21:10, Reply)

so poor I never have spare change....
So this credit crunch thing really is pissing me off now!!

First off, you can't get loans from anywhere and people are losing their jobs left, right and centre! this is serious people, it's affecting us all and we shouldn't make light of such situations!

Just the other day, I wanted a chocolate bar so popped into the local shop, picked one up and walked up to pay the girl. Lo and behold, no spare change in my pocket! Thankfully they take chip-n-pin, so I popped in my VISA (0% interest on new purchases for 9 months!) and paid for it.

As I was leaving, I took a bite of my chocolate bar and as I enjoyed the mixture of chocolate coating the crisp honeycomb centre, I realised that this was just another part of my "credit Crunchie life!"

Length? About 5 inches long (I'm sure they were longer when we were kids!)
(The Funky Monkey played with his banana on, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 20:54, Reply)

Well....
I started work in September, just out of Uni, in London. My mum was planning to retire to France so in 2007 bought some land (~£45k), remorgaged the house for double the amount the morgage was (and put it in a savings account - in £'s), and put down some money for a small bungalow to be built on the land (~£120k).

She also bought a horse (special breed so ~£6k and bloody difficult to sell) as she has always wanted her own. The plan was to sell the house for ~£500k (estimated as a 'Good Price' by Foxtons mid 2008) and move out there, while I moved in with my Boyfriend near London somewhere. Since september I have saved any money left over while living with my mum, and have managed to save almost £10k. This could go towards rental deposit, small new car as mine is ancient, etc...

Just before christmas she had a breakdown, got depressed and thought we'd 'lost everything'. Christmas was fun. She has not worked since Christmas, and doesnt look like she will any time soon. Also, my 19 year old brother has been ill for the last 6 years with Colitis, and is on a special diet so costs a fortune in food.

The house prices in our area are now a bit more than half of what they were, and I now have to spend almost all my pay every month paying the morgage, food, keep for the horse miles away so we cant even ride it (I also ride, and it would be one thing to look forward to during the week) and put most of my savings towards the French house savings shotfall because of the crash of the pound v. Euro. Fun times.

However, we should just about make it through, and im a lot luckier than some other people on this forum and elsewhere, so its not all bad.
(PixelGirl unlock the mind...unmind the lock, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 20:05, 5 replies)

My solution to the credit crunch/recession/whatever
aka, "Fuck off am I going to starve at uni".



1. It doesn't affect animals.
2. Rabbits etc. are still pests for farmers.
3. High powered air rifles can be bought quite cheaply second hand.
4. Free food.


Repeat until full, pausing only to make a Ray Mears style campfire to roast said bunnies over.


This will also work with other small fluffy animals, such as ducklings and puppies.


.
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 19:55, 5 replies)

I'm not sure...
My memory's a bit hazy from the last recession but I can't help but think I'm better off than last time.

I couldn't even afford internet or a flat screen TV during the last one, and I had a laptop so crappy I can't even remember what it looked like..

Oh and come to think of it I didn't even have freeview, let alone sky!
(europe-who, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 19:26, Reply)

The perfect excuse
So, it’s official, two months of consecutive negative economic growth and we are now smack bang in the middle of a recession. That said: the ‘credit crunch’ seems to have been on everyone’s lips a whole lot longer.

It’s on the news, in the papers, and on the radio. Fucking hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was written on the side of the moon, just in case we were to forget about it before going to bed. That way we could all cry ourselves to a dreadful and moneyless sleep while the moon gleefully winks at us like a smug and self satisfied David Cameron. You just can’t escape it. It’s become as tedious as watching cricket or listening to Coldplay, and for that reason I fucking hate all talk of it. Except of course, the endless excuses I hear, for and on behalf of it. You have all heard them, ‘well, there is a credit crunch,’ ‘I can’t do that, we got the credit crunch to think about’ and ‘well, it must have something to do with the credit crunch’ to name but a few.

On a serious note, it is a sensitive issue, and people are losing jobs, businesses and even homes because of the economic slump, but there is an incredible amount of people, who do have jobs, do still have money to spend and are simply using this credit crunch as an excuse to be tight. Either that or they really are gullible enough to be brain washed by our 100% factual news and tabloids, or perhaps they are just plain stupid.

Anyway, here are a few credit crunch comments I have heard recently that don’t seem to make sense.

Me - So, are you thinking of going on holiday this year?
Boss - Yeah, got a week in Torquay booked.
Me - Brilliant, should be nice.
Boss - Well, I had saved £5000 to go to America for three weeks, as it’s my last holiday with my two daughters.
Me - Oh really? So why the change of plan?
Boss - Well, got to tighten the belts now there is a credit crunch on.

WHAT? This man probably has the safest job in the company, and the company is doing pretty well, he probably earns 70k a year, he had already saved the money, so it wasn’t like he was taking a debt on to pay for it. Therefore, I cannot draw any further conclusion, other than he is a tight fisted cock muncher. It’s people like this who have money and don’t choose to spend it that are making things worse.

Friend - Just stopping for petrol.
Me - Ok.
Friend – (gets back in car)
Me - Why you only put a fiver in
Friend - That’s all I need to get to work
Me - You work in Nottingham, that’s at least ten quid to get there and back
Friend - Yeah, I fill it up before I head back.
Me - Why not just put 10 quid in and fill up once a day, or fill up the tank and go once a week?
Friend - Well, you got to be careful aint ya with the credit crunch and that?

WHAT THE FUCK……….In fairness this guy is a bit thick. We went to blackpool once. We got out the car, he wanted some food so I said, we will be just there in the bar next to the scaffolding. About 2 hours later he walked in. He said ‘where the bloody hell you lot been?’ to which I replied, ‘sitting right here, sipping these lagers like I said we would, where the bloody hell you been?’ he then said, ‘I thought you said you would be in the Scaffold Inn’………..to this day, that makes me laugh out loud.

The thing is though, I have been pretty much unaffected by the global economy. Touch wood I won’t be. I mean, petrol has come down, my mortgage rate has come down and fuck me, I had some right bargains at Cheshire Oaks on Christmas Eve. Yet, I still find myself being influenced by all this talk. My weekly shop now makes a student diet look luxurious. It can only be a matter of time before scurvy kicks in. This week, my total shopping bill came to under 8 quid. If I eat anymore beans I may take off.
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Fri 23 Jan 2009, 19:01, 1 reply)

Great.....
...due to me having chicenpox on Xmas week, it's left me out of pocket alot more than I realized it would. I've just seen me up and coming payslip;

due to me being housebound for 4 days, it's cost me
1- 4 days worth of pay, obviously.
2- my monthly target bonus (which I was in line for) of £130
3- A 3 month performance bonus (which I was in line for) of £400 before tax.

I'm £200 worse off than me normal pay. I struggle every month due to me wife's premature redundancy and now I have the ultimate joy of having to go home to her to let her know. I'm trying not to hate her, as she dragged me down to the kids house who had chickenpox, knowing all too well that they had it. If she says the wrong thing I think I'll twat her with a piggybank.

Oh, um.....crunch crunch credity something.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 18:51, 1 reply)

Credit crunch
Could terminology be any more annoying?

I have to say, being 21 years of age, living on the Isle of Wight and already being stuck in dead end jobs with no career or life prospects, that I'm not really too worried about my financial future because I will probably spend the latter years of my life rocking backwards and forwards in a padded cell.

But, I digress. The main point of this self humiliating rant against myself has been corrupted, is it ONLY me who finds the term
"Credit crunch" EXTREMELY annoying?

I cannot open my eyes ears mouth or arse without someone talking about it. Oh the credit crunch, crunch, credit crunch, we're all fucked, crunch crunch crunch...

I'm quite prepared to find the man who created the terminology and stamp on his goddamn balls.

so who's with me?



Anyone..?
(p-arran-oid prolapsed here, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 17:33, 11 replies)

Sadly my story is annoyingly positive
In 2007 for reasons too bad too mention, the missus and I sold up at the height of the property market, took the money and went travelling.

We came back a year later and we had spent the money everyone else had lost on their houses just by staying in them.

We are about to buy another house only slightly smaller than the one we sold and it will be all cash.

result!
( BadBadman saw an incorrect comma placement on, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:54, Reply)

It's been hard times. Hard times.
I got a tenner Christmas bonus.

The department for work and pensions are a tight bunch.
( Matoosh would rather like a biscuit, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:50, 5 replies)

I shall watch them starve on television.
Last July, my Mum died. She was good enough not to leave it all to the cats, so I'm spending the next 4 years doing a degree and picking up the odd weekend truck driving.

That WAS the plan. Last November, my ankle collapsed. It's getting operated on at the end of February. If I'm at work by June, I'll be lucky. In fact, if I can ever operate a manual gear change again, I'll be lucky.

The degree's paid for and I can do it as long as I can log on, the mortgage has gone, the car's paid off, MrsScars will never run out of customers unless they gas the elderly.

Do know what the best bit is? Being able to say to my daughter "No, we can't afford that".

No more demands for a new phone every 5 minutes, clothes worn until they wear out rather than go out of fashion, no more holidays abroad (horrible place, much too brightly lit), and a sharp reduction in takeaways. She's lost half a stone already.

All we need is for flares to come back and it'll be just like the 70s!
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:42, 3 replies)

Cheapskate
I can't afford rohypnol so I'm left with the option of just letting them struggle or using a big plank of wood with a nail in it.

(I'd prefer the struggle tho)
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:39, Reply)

The ethics of prostitution.
In the current climate, there are girls willing to do business with you for as little as £20.

Which kind of got me thinking... I could go out in a minibus, find five lively ladies of the roadside, take them home and...

...hand 'em each a paintbrush and a tin of emulsion.

It's cheaper than getting the fucking decorators in. Plus, I can ply them with tea and biscuits too. I bet their existing punters don't do that for them?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:33, 13 replies)

The Cowards Way out
I decided to quit my entire life mid 08. Nothing to do with the credit crunch, more to do with mind numbing boredom and women issues. So sold the house (top of the market) sold the car and all possesions. Took the money, cleared my debt (except student loan, as they don't really expect that back do they?) and wrote a list of things i want to do.

Spent a month in Cuba, am now working as a Ski rep in the alps, after this I am off to Japan to teach English. I think if I time it right I will get back in 16 months when everything has bottomed out.

So credit crunch I am immune to your ravenous clutches.

(Oh cock, just remembered i get paid in sterling, not good.)
(richtherobot, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:22, 1 reply)