and with a swing of her hips she started to strip
Every year the one-horse town in which I was raised has a carnival week that culminates in a hugely popular float parade on the Friday evening. As a shy (honestly), quiet (I've changed over the years) 18 year old fresh from her first year at Uni I went home to help out with painting a trailer or two. While doing so, people kept buying me very large gins. This pleased me. I was obviously doing a great job. A few hours later as I drunkenly slapped some emulsion on some hardboard, I was approached by the float coordinator- would I wear bikini and a grass skirt and dance my way behind the float? Seven gins said of course I fecking would, though I'd never worn a bikini in my life before, so self-conscious and shy was I. It was hardly the weather for it either- a Norn Ireland fishing village in June tends to be differentiated from the Arctic only because the Artic isn't as damp.

Fake tan - which was actually a Bisto and water paste - was duly applied, a bikini was borrowed, and I was handed a sellotaped bit of shredded brown paper which represented my grass skirt, and at 7pm the parade set off. We'd gone half a mile when, in a particularly energetic bout of hula-ing, my grass skirt fell off in front of 2000 spectators. It made the local paper.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 19:29, 12 replies)

Aha!
Now we know why you're so grumpy.

Cmon now, it's time to move on.

Give us a smile.
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 19:44, closed)

oo er
*makes face like Wrick off the young ones*

i need to go to my room

FWAPFWAP
FWAPFWAP
FWAPFWAP
FWAPFWAP
FWAPFWAP
FWAPFWAP
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 19:49, closed)

*sighs*
Well, before Al turns up and starts drooling, there's the obvious "Pictures or it didn't happen" statement.
( Cawl, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 19:49, closed)

I resent that

( Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 22:02, closed)

But did you take off your drawers...
...to tremendous applause?
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 0:27, closed)

No...
She dropped the grass and showed her arse.
( snee held his breath since, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 8:01, closed)

Er....
"Grass......ass" surely? It doesn't rhyme otherwise.......
(Pork2311, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 8:31, closed)

It does....
when said in a southern english accent.
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 8:39, closed)

Aka
The correct way to say it
(Wooden meal is. Or is he?, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 9:13, closed)

Arse

(Pork2311, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 9:21, closed)

Agreed
That is all.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 11:56, closed)

This I foretell
The phrase, "It made the local paper" will feature a lot this week.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 0:14, closed)