Pig Bodine smells of poo.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 14 May 2015, 16:58, Reply)

I secretly love posting last.

( Pig Bodine., Thu 14 May 2015, 16:20, Reply)

My deep dark secret is that...
Everything going on here is making me terribly upset
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 14 May 2015, 15:51, 3 replies)

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:37, 18 replies)

I've got the key

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 14 May 2015, 12:30, 1 reply)

Well, this has warmed up nicely...

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Thu 14 May 2015, 9:33, Reply)

s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/84237/1431544724/url2.gif
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 13 May 2015, 20:19, 2 replies)

Most people think I'm an academic in archaeology or some such dosser subject
but after marrying my wife, who is French, I contracted a series of horrible venereal diseases, obviously, and subsequently raised a couple of other men's children as if they were my own.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 16:20, 93 replies)

I fought a goose and won
The twat was asking for it. "Honk" he said. Well, I wasn't going to stand for that, was I?
(csdaveuk, Wed 13 May 2015, 14:00, 1 reply)

I've known the secret for a week or two.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 13 May 2015, 12:21, 3 replies)

internet taboo
I have jacked off to "rape survivor stories" on the internet more than once.
(snarf81, Tue 12 May 2015, 23:38, 6 replies)

fuck me
this is like the sexual cripples version of 'post secret'
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Tue 12 May 2015, 21:13, 6 replies)

I think /qotw might be in need of some serious medical attention

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 12 May 2015, 19:36, 14 replies)

I escaped from a mental institution, raped a cleaning lady at the local high school then ran away.
I kept the newspaper telling of my terrible misdeeds. The headline was "Nut screws washer and bolts".
(McChinaman banned, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:21, 9 replies)

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 May 2015, 14:52, 38 replies)

ALL MY REAL LIVE NIGGAZ THROW YA HANDS UP!
THROW YA HANDS UP! THROW YA HANDS UP!
(Good evening Good evening, Mon 11 May 2015, 23:26, 44 replies)

I once wanked into my grandfather's Wellington boots
and he never even noticed.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 11 May 2015, 19:20, 1 reply)

I am Bea

╔═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong black woman ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need norman ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╝

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 May 2015, 19:16, 2 replies)

I might have made it look like I was trolling you,
But I was actually really hurt personally by the mean words you wrote.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 11 May 2015, 18:04, 3 replies)

I'm really an emotionally crippled Australian.
Got a great swimming pool though.
(McChinaman banned, Mon 11 May 2015, 16:37, 29 replies)

I look and dress EXACTLY like Captain Freedom.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 11 May 2015, 15:16, 1 reply)

The Good Sex Life
Jerry entered the bedroom. Laying under his bed sheets was Barbara.
"What on earth are you doing here?" said Jerry.
"Oh, don't pretend you're shocked to see me," replied Barbara.
"Where is Margot?" panicked Jerry.
"I think Tom is planting his shovel into to her compost bin."
"Err... What exactly does that mean?"
"Come here you starched-stiff collar twat and plough my garden."
"You mean make love?"
"No, I mean go around to my house and pull the weeds out then turn over the soil."
"I think Tom is--"
"Forget Tom, he hasn't mown the lawn in ages if you catch my drift."
"Alright, I shall proceed."
Jerry removes his clothes, apart from his briefs and shoes, and climbed into bed.
"Place your hand on my deep dark secret."
Jerry hesitated for a moment.
"Go on, it's okay," added Barbara.
Jerry, reluctant, patted her on the fanny.
"Oh, mother," said Jerry.
( $$ ✅, Mon 11 May 2015, 13:37, 7 replies)

I hate mieces to pieces
Mrs Moon Monkey has a real thing about mice - can't stand any kind of small rodent, they give her the screaming habdabs. Unfortunately, our neighbour is a horder type, and lives in a cave amongst all the rubbish and rotting junk, so we get mice in our house reasonably often. Naturally it's my job to deal with the little fuckers.

She's also a bit of a germophobe, so I don't always mention some of the places that I've found mice. In the food cupboards: naturally I threw the affected food away, so no harm done. The one that ran across the shelf right behind her head - she didn't need to know about that.

But the one that would really have her screaming and probably demanding that we immediately put the house on the market and move to the other end of the country would have to be the one that I found in the dishwasher. After the cycle had completed.

Well, at least it was clean, eh?

What?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 11 May 2015, 12:37, 3 replies)

I'm really a hot 16 year old girl.
I just pretend to be a sad, pathetic, friendless shut-in on the internet for LOLs.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 11 May 2015, 11:35, 9 replies)