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This is a question My Deep Secret

Got something that's eating you up inside, something deep, dark and scary? Why not tell the internet? You'll feel better, probably.

(McChinaman banned, Thu 7 May 2015, 16:02)
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Most people think I'm an academic in archaeology or some such dosser subject
but after marrying my wife, who is French, I contracted a series of horrible venereal diseases, obviously, and subsequently raised a couple of other men's children as if they were my own.
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 16:20, 93 replies)
I'm glad you're upset

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 16:23, closed)
yes, the thought of having sex with a French person is awful

(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 16:25, closed)
I feel very much the same about accountants
It looks like that pirate-themed murder mystery pokemon and wife swapping evening is off the cards
(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:15, closed)
I have no idea what you just said
but I'm vaguely relieved
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:18, closed)
does she help you with basic literacy as well as basic numeracy?
does she make you wear a nappy and call her "mommy" too?
(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:22, closed)
damnit
I was looking forward to watching what she did with her peg leg
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 14 May 2015, 12:28, closed)
You are never ever upset about the entirely justified name calling you receive on this site.

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 16:24, closed)
tl; dr version: "bloobloobloo"

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 13 May 2015, 16:58, closed)
Yeah
I was so upset I totally lost my shit and got myself banned from b3ta... so now I have to post from one of my 1337 H4xX0r sockpuppet accounts
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:00, closed)
just gazzed you from my "banned" account
soz
(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:10, closed)
no
no you didn't
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:15, closed)
well golly gee willickers I guess I musta done dreamed it!

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:19, closed)
lol

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:20, closed)
you prolly dreamt those posts you made on /talk earlier too
if envee tells you you've been banned then goshdarn it you just gotta have been!
(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:21, closed)
Dunno what to tell you, soz


Do you need help working Gaz, oh 1337 H4xX0r?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:23, closed)
thick as fuck

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:24, closed)
yes, but do you need help working Gaz?

(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:24, closed)
you could always just log in as him and screenshot his deleted box

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:24, closed)
just for the lulz

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:25, closed)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Sure, man, whatever.
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:28, closed)
k

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 17:28, closed)
tish tog aler

(I helped save b3ta! d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 13 May 2015, 18:14, closed)
gazzes to people that have u on ignore don't get delivered xx

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 May 2015, 18:20, closed)
They get delived but go straight into the delted bin as far as I know.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2015, 18:34, closed)
but why would he put me on ignore when he believes I've been banned?
seems a bit upset
(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 18:43, closed)
I just don't understand why you'd go to the lengths of this ridiculous charade in pretending to Gaz me
Why not just reply as Dr. Shambolic if he hasn't been banned?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 11:37, closed)
this is quite a good question

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 11:53, closed)
He's not banned

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 12:03, closed)
emvee has the Shambolic account on ignore
so he can't see its posts or gazzes

therefore it's banned

herp derp
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 12:08, closed)
Has it posted in this thread, then?
herp derp
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:41, closed)
probably not, i agree
but still it would be easy to post here as Dr Shambolic and cover emvee's face in egg, no?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 12:11, closed)
+g

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 14 May 2015, 12:32, closed)
still no dr s post though
seems strange
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:09, closed)
such a 1337 h4xX0r can't even make one post on a message baord
strange indeed
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:32, closed)
Doesn't change the fact that his Dr. Shambolic account isn't banned
Regardless of the Gaz situation he isn't banned and you are wrong
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:44, closed)
aw, sweet
Shambo's got a lapdog
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:48, closed)
No, I just love pointing out when you are wrong
ON THE INTERNET
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:50, closed)
If I'm wrong, there should be a post by Dr. Shambolic in this thread
I don't see one yet
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:52, closed)
He's got you on 3.2

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:57, closed)
Is that when everything he posts disappears up his own arsehole?

(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:59, closed)
He has been posting
Just not in this thread. He isn't banned
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:01, closed)
lapdog

(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:02, closed)
Awwww best you can come up with?
Wrong on the Internet. Go on post some more pictures of people with downs.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:05, closed)
Whassat boy?
Shambo fallen down the well? Go get him, boy, go on! Go find Shambo!
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:07, closed)
Awww bless, its like you're 12

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:09, closed)
Thicker than a black person.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:11, closed)
this is almost as dignified as when you try to argue with Manley on Facebook

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:12, closed)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Lord "I respect racism" Manley? Yeah, I can see why you'd get on
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:14, closed)
why not just post a screenshot of your 'deleted' Gaz folder, you genius

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 12:08, closed)
OK

(no offence to UnstableDan or anything but his seems to be the only Gaz I've ever bothered deleting)

Do you need help spelling "emvee", or what? You wanna try that again?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 13:39, closed)
derp

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:09, closed)
He's turning in to fartbelm

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:10, closed)
I think he's actually dimmer
Amazingly
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:16, closed)
That's not your Dr. Shambolic account
Do you need help logging out and logging back in again? Or remembering your password? I heard of a super-1337 haxX0r who was bragging that he could log into my account on here, maybe you could ask him how to log in and post as Dr. Shambolic?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:13, closed)

b3ta.com/talk/7818738
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:16, closed)
It really is like a dumb animal fetching a stick for its master
Woof woof, boy! Bark!
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:18, closed)
lol i trol u

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:26, closed)
It really is like a dumb fish repeatedly taking the bait
even though it knows its wrong.

Go on please post more downs pics.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:28, closed)
It's not on QOTW though
I don't think he has been banned really but it does seem odd not to just post something on here and prove it
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:24, closed)
He made a promise not to.
In the old days when there were still people coding the site they could rewrite it, for example to ban mongychops from this section.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:28, closed)
mongy could post here if he could be bothered to jump through a couple of easy hoops
but he won't cos it's shit
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:33, closed)
it's almost as if nobody wants to give envee his daily "haha I trolled you into doing what I said" wank
his poor accountant girlfriend is going to have to release his liquid assets herself tonight

:(
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:29, closed)
It's almost as if you'd go to ludicrous lengths like pretending to Gaz me and posting mocked-up screenshots
rather than prove me wrong
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:37, closed)
wow
i really don't know which is more lame - being so offensive that you have to be asked not to post on certain parts of the site, or being so easily offended that you make the request.

neither is going to win a golden ice cube at the cool olympics.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:42, closed)
do you actually want me to log in to your account?
cos if I've got your permission then modolith probably won't spank my arse again
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:17, closed)
Wait a second, back up
Why did modolith "spank your arse" last time?

What were the consequences?
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:20, closed)
I upset you on here and you complained.
But I'm not supposed to remind you and Dr. Shambolic isn't supposed to post here in case you get upset again.
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:24, closed)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
That's the best way of saying "I went spastic and got banned" ever
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:26, closed)
I'd have kept this to Gaz rather than outing you in public
but you're pretending that you can't see the Gaz messages for some reason
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:27, closed)
What Gaz messages?

(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:32, closed)

youtu.be/cVGCix4XsSs
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:28, closed)
It's so nice to see everyone enjoying themselves.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 13 May 2015, 20:28, closed)
it is 'bare hilare'

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 13 May 2015, 20:32, closed)
I'd deffo vote for hillary if she got her baps out.

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Wed 13 May 2015, 20:55, closed)
fit as bruv

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 13 May 2015, 21:02, closed)
Reminds me of Private Eyes' "Book Of Sharon" on the Israel-Palestine tiff.
Except that's funny.
(McChinaman banned, Wed 13 May 2015, 21:14, closed)
It's like watching people "not be upset" whilst swapping insults
all the while postulating that the other party is the most upset.
Interdasting.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Thu 14 May 2015, 8:45, closed)
Ruck Foff, Fob Airholme.

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 8:52, closed)
Raising someone's kids as if they're your own is a very laudable thing to do
Are you sure you're doing this trolling thing properly?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 14 May 2015, 9:08, closed)
why would he start now after ten years?

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 9:14, closed)
Are you like that fat 'Franicis' guy on youtube who just acts like a spastic for the attention?

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 14 May 2015, 10:33, closed)
Dunno what that is, soz

(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 May 2015, 11:39, closed)
i don't think anybody thinks you're an academic....

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 10:39, closed)
can someone please tell me who I am supposed to be the most upset for?
K THANX
(I helped save b3ta! spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 14 May 2015, 10:42, closed)
baldmonkey is usually a safe bet

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 11:06, closed)
I want all a y'all knotty headed niggaz to just be friends, okay?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 May 2015, 12:26, closed)
I'm pretty upset about most of this.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 May 2015, 12:42, closed)
alright baldmonkey

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:18, closed)
100!

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:33, closed)
your iq?
yeah right
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:43, closed)

100100 MORE LIKE
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:53, closed)
you know when your deaf old grandma can't hear you, and nods and smiles sweetly at you?
yeah, that.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 May 2015, 14:55, closed)
it's like the paralympics in here, but with more simian negroes

(Good evening Good evening, Thu 14 May 2015, 16:13, closed)

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