b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Desperate Times » Post 100891 | Search
This is a question Desperate Times

Stranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.

Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

What have you done in times of great desperation?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
Pages: Latest, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, ... 1

« Go Back

American train lines

I spent a month backpacking around the whole USA by rail as I had an unlimited pass I clocked up 17,500 miles in 30 days!

Anyway, on the longer journeys (2.5 days chicago to San Francisco) the toilets get a bit "ripe" after day one. As you can imagine your average cattle class American on a train doesn't eat too healthily and after 36 hours the bogs are unthinkable....

So I put it out of my mind and don't go to "drop the kids off"... for the whole 2 day journey. Thing is, by the time I arrive at my next destination I'm feeling a little blocked up. In fact, when walking I can pretty much feel a solid pole of poo inside that feels like it's so long it could me ticking my rib cage!

So, as you can imagine I didn't go when I arrived at my destination. Spent the day out and about and that night caught another train (I worked out it was cheapest to sleep on the trains at night and arrive somewhere new each morning). Next day I'm onto my 5th day without unleashing the nasties and could almost choke I feel that "full".

I went out walking and sightseeing until about 3pm I'm bored (small desert town) and I check my timetable. I've got a train ticket for 7pm so I decide to go to the station early. Unlike UK train stations this one had 1 track and about 2 trains a day so aside from 30 mins before a train the place was very very quiet.

I took a seat in the waiting room and decide to freshen up, have a wash, change my clothes etc. Then it dawns on me.... I have an entire public loo to myself and I'm feeling a little "looser" by now. In fact I became so relieved I was almost turtle necked in the 3 metre walk from sink & mirror to cubicle, but my god it was worth it! One good thing the Americans have got is HUGE cubicles... so I stood up and admired my work. I kid you not a proper french stick of a turd one end in the U-bend the other against the rim of the bowl. It must have stood 18 inches tall!

Thing is, if you don't poo for 5 days things get...well "compacted" a bit. So I now faced the task of flushing a turd with similar properties to a scaffolding pole.

Flush after flush all it did was spin around like a you can imagine a rolling pin in a sink waste disposal system. Somehow I had to break this turd in 2 and had no idea how.

I pondered the situation for so long that finally I felt my bladder was full again and had an idea, so utilising a "pressure washer" mentality I did directed the most forceful jet of pee I could at the offending bar and just as my kidneys felt like they'd explode I was delighted to see it sag to one side, quick as a flash I pulled the chain and with some relief the first half was gone. Just 6 flushes later and I was faced with an empty bowl.

So there you have it, desperate times stopped me from having a poo for 5 days resulting in the most spectacular feat of anal manufacturing I've ever witnessed.

There's no regret, I just can't bring myself to poo on a train.

Length: 18 inches and Nutty as a squirrels breakfast!
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 18:05, 15 replies)
A few weeks ago
I did a poo shaped exactly like a cock.

It was about 6 inches long, and had a bellend.

I was so proud I immediately told my flatmate. He was proud of me too. So was my best friend (who I texted to tell).

I am a girl.
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 18:11, closed)
Surely had you done that on a train and exorcised it via the traditional means, you'd have caused a major derailment?
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 18:41, closed)
I'd have been proud of you too. And I'm a girl.

I texted my old flatmate from 4,000 miles away to tell him that I'd had a pear cider induced poo so big that I had to stop half way through for a breather. He was proud of me then...
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 19:05, closed)
I once did one shaped like a Cornetto

(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 19:11, closed)
I'm actually quite jealous.
For the last couple of days I've been squirting a vile orange liquid from my rectum. I'm not well at all.

Oh well, at least after that has passed, I'll have a lovely large log to look forward to (I've been eating normally, so the food must still be in tere somewhere).
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 19:20, closed)
Rakky, did it leave breather rings? =D
(c)Roger's Profanisaurus
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 19:27, closed)
you should have got a photo and submitted it to www.ratemypoo.com/ then we could all revel in it's glory


(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 21:15, closed)
Similarly, when I went to the USA I didn't poo for about 5 days either;
a typical American diet contains much less roughage and much more processed shit than I'm used to. When I finally set my beast free, which took 20 minutes, I felt about half a stone lighter.
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 22:51, closed)
It left
tears in my eyes, I'll tell you that...
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 23:00, closed)
its a PUBLIC resroom, do you know what people do in there?

you dont have to flush it, leave it for the next guy to admire your work :)

become MORE american
(, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 3:44, closed)
Were you on Amtrak? Usually I won't defend America to you lot, seeing as how it's a lost cause, but really! Those trains are really nice. Now the bus...Ewww. Greyhound I can understand. Those do pong like nobody's business.

The Amtrak toilets were nasty?
(, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 5:11, closed)
I would have submitted it to ratemypoo
but I didn't have my phone in the loo with me, and couldn't bring myself to hunt around for it whilst the poo-cock was just sitting there marinating.
(, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 9:52, closed)
well la de da
Me and a mate of mine got an unlimited greyhound bus pass, not sure how many miles we did but we worked out we spent a weeks on the buses over a 5 week period.

the toilets in greyhounds are horrible, as the buses arent as smooth as trains and there are some sharp corners, blokes generally seemed to piss everywhere. that combined with the fact that everybody on the bus is a bit weird, means the back of the bus smells like hell, you could never sleep properly so you'd be in a dozing limb, filling you nose with the toilet smell every time you breathed in. good times.
(, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 10:12, closed)
I once did some poos in the shape of a car. It had two little round "pellets" for wheels, with a long piece on top and a shorter piece on top of that.

Does taht contribute to my carbon footprint?
(, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 10:34, closed)
Your kind support has overwhelmed me!
I wish I had photographed it, but since it was back in 1997 I didn't have a digital camera and had I used my film camera I fear upon collecting my photos I'd have been confronted by a policeman a doctor or most likely a scientist keen on studying me.

The train WAS very good (Amtrak), the 30 day pass was $500 (£300 back then) and I made the most of it. The toilets were on the whole quite good, but on certain routes (especially the long haul ones) they suffered shall we say "more abuse"... Needless to say the worst was the route along the south (Los Angeles to Jacksonville Florida), maybe is was the Texas and New Orleans diets of spicy dishes...

If you're a sneaky backpacker you discover the first class carriages have showers but are separated from the cattle class by the restaurant car. So you check your timetable and find 2 stops approximately 30 minutes apart. Get off the train for a walk at first stop and board first class, go for a shower and at the next stop transfer back to cattle class.
(, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 11:23, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, ... 1