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This is a question Desperate Times

Stranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.

Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

What have you done in times of great desperation?

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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Mustabin desperate
I know it's been mentioned before, but he's in the news again. And it's still funny.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:18, 11 replies)
mistake?
It's his assertion that it was a misunderstanding caused by drink that gets me. 'Phoar, look at the spokes on that' perhaps?

Although I did have a mate who fancied a shop window mannequin once. Mind you, he was tripping off his box at the time.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:32, closed)
.
But...where abouts in the bike would he put it in? IT'S KINKY BEYOND BELIEF.
(I helped save b3ta! Lollylegs lite, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:33, closed)
Davros
After watching the film Mannequin I think he may well have taken the drugs to try and get a similar experience!!
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:34, closed)
Bike orifices
I used to have a racing bike where the ends came off the handle bars and it was hollow inside. Maybe something along those lines?

(I realise I'm possibly leaving myself wide open for even thinking about such a connection, but let's face it, someone had to).

I don't have a racing bike anymore, by the way. I crashed it into a wall when I was 17. The irony that it ended up fucked, albeit metaphorically, is not lost on me.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:49, closed)
Im with lollylegs on this one
How the fuck do you shag a bike?
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:54, closed)
Halfy
In my mind, I'm with lollylegs a lot of the time.

Oooh. I'm even scaring myself now.
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:58, closed)
@Squiggle
Well thats better than my shameful litany of cartoon characters fancied further down the board!
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 13:07, closed)
Does that make him...
...a peddle-ophile?

/coat
(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 14:04, closed)
Not that I conbone that sort of behaviour
but that can't possibly be a criminal offence! He was in the privacy of his own bedroom for crying out loud!!

Silly prudish Scots.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 14:21, closed)
Hilarious - in a filthy perv kind of way
I'm with Haribo Lector on this one - why did the cleaners decide to burst in?
If he's tried to have sex with a bike, what else has he tried to have sex with?!....
At least he's on the sex offenders register for screwing an inanimate object
(Ghost Batty Rider, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 14:58, closed)
Wrong sort of
"bike"
(jmaxi returned again on, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 16:03, closed)

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